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Old 11-14-2011, 11:36 AM   #1
Gravdigr
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Quote:
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Name:  307849_308445399184920_205344452828349_1182348_546661847_n.jpg
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That (^) made me think of this (v).

Name:  thenewcapslock.jpg
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Old 11-14-2011, 12:16 PM   #2
Lamplighter
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Gads, I had to go to my keyboard and then to Google to get that one !
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Old 11-14-2011, 12:18 PM   #3
Nirvana
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Wild Alabama Party Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alabama to be as far away from humanity as possible. Sam sees the mailman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it’s total peace and quiet.

After 6 months or so of almost total isolation, he’s finishing dinner one day when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded man standing there. “Name’s Enoch. Your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. Having a party Saturday. Thought you’d like to come.” “Great,” says Sam, “after 6 months of this I’m ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.”

As Enoch is leaving he stops, “Gotta warn you there’s gonna be some drinking.” “Not a problem. After 25 years in the computer business, I can drink with the best of ‘em.” Again, as he starts to leave, Enoch stops. “More ‘n’ likely gonna be some fightin’ too.” Damn, Sam thinks. Tough crowd. “Well, I get along with people. I’ll be there. Thanks again.”

Once again Enoch turns from the door. “I’ve seen some wild sex at these parties, too.” “Now that’s not a problem,” says Sam, “Remember I’ve been alone for 6 months! I’ll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?” Enoch stops in the door again and says, “Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us.”


>[fade to Dueling Banjos]
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Old 11-06-2011, 01:42 PM   #4
DanaC
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No. don't. :p
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Old 11-11-2011, 09:45 AM   #5
Spexxvet
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What's brown and is near the piano?

The piano's stool.


What's brown and plays the piano?

Beethoven's last movement.
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Old 11-11-2011, 10:28 PM   #6
Guyute
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What's brown and hangs from a tree?

Winnie's pooh.
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Old 11-12-2011, 02:47 PM   #7
footfootfoot
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What's green and on the ice?

Peggy's Phlegm
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Old 11-14-2011, 07:53 AM   #8
infinite monkey
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Originally Posted by footfootfoot View Post
What's green and on the ice?

Peggy's Phlegm
Hmm, I always heard it "What's green and skates? Peggy Phlegm."
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Old 11-14-2011, 08:33 AM   #9
Sheldonrs
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What can you sit on, eat and brush your teeth with?






A chair, a sandwich and a toothbrush.

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Old 11-14-2011, 08:35 AM   #10
infinite monkey
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Why did the spider cross the road?

Because he was stapled to the chicken.
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Old 11-14-2011, 09:45 AM   #11
footfootfoot
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Quote:
Originally Posted by infinite monkey View Post
Why did the spider cross the road?

Because he was stapled to the chicken.
See, I'd always heard that as, Why did the punk rocker cross the road?

Because he was stapled to the chicken.
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Old 11-14-2011, 08:54 AM   #12
monster
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ashamed to admit that actually made me lol
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Old 11-14-2011, 09:49 AM   #13
infinite monkey
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My slightly different jokes are better than your slightly different jokes.

For one thing, they flow off the tongue better, and don't use extraneous words to convey what is essentially a visual joke (what is green and is ON ICE? Peggy's Phlegm? No...Peggy Phlegm. She skates, the joke is so obscure you don't need to throw a spanner in it by not exactly spelling out it's a skating thing. The joke with the last name is that you just stop...Peggy Flem...)

I picture a spider, wriggling and wriggling and tickling beside her, stapled through the middle to a chicken.

I cannot picture a punk rocker doing same.
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Old 11-14-2011, 09:56 AM   #14
footfootfoot
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Quote:
Originally Posted by infinite monkey View Post
My slightly different jokes are better than your slightly different jokes.

For one thing, they flow off the tongue better, and don't use extraneous words to convey what is essentially a visual joke (what is green and is ON ICE? Peggy's Phlegm? No...Peggy Phlegm. She skates, the joke is so obscure you don't need to throw a spanner in it by not exactly spelling out it's a skating thing. The joke with the last name is that you just stop...Peggy Flem...)

I picture a spider, wriggling and wriggling and tickling beside her, stapled through the middle to a chicken.

I cannot picture a punk rocker doing same.
You are right about Peggy's Phlegm, that's the correct way to tell the joke, I couldn't remember it at the time.

Spiders and staples? what? Punk rockers and pins, staples, studs, piercing, it's like bacon and eggs.
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Old 11-14-2011, 09:58 AM   #15
infinite monkey
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But the joke isn't supposed to have a tie-in!

It's just weird. Like a brown stick.

Come ON, man!
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