For the Longest Time...

[lookout123]

yeah, and ib's still young enough to be my kid. my friend's daughter plays on our soccer team and he's 6 months younger than me.

[Ibby]

l123, that would work great except, I have no way to make that initial friend. I can't even get to the TES facebook page! I have one friend at the school already (cause she got expelled from TAS), but she's... not the popular type, not the type who i should be looking at for your scenario.

I'll look into that though, cause you do have a point.
Maybe I'll even find a gay guy there! they are european after all...

[Mockingbird]

Since I'm about the middle of the road age wise here, (I think,) at 24 let me drop my two cents.

Here's my secret to successful living. Do whatever you want, within reason.

A story to illustrate.

When I was about 19 or so I was a pretty shy kid and I used to mull around coffee shops and look towards all the arty chicks and think, "God, if only one of them would talk to me." After about two months of frequenting the place, reading sullenly and drinking enough coffee to kill a small buffalo, I gave up. I was pretty much expecting some sort of big break and hoping that some sort of serendipity would set me right with a nice girl. Life generally doesn't hand stuff like that out and I needed an attention getter, so this is what I did.

I live in a city fairly close to the country, so there are lots of farms and things around. A friend of mine raised goats. So, after selecting the cutest art chicka in the joint, I borrow my friends goat, put it on a leash and walk up to her. Obviously, she's pretty shocked.

"Hi, my name is Robert and I've been wanting to talk to you for weeks but I couldn't think of how to start a conversation. So, I brought this conversation piece to help me."

We were together for about 3 years after that. Sometimes romance is silly and not what you think it is and sometimes when it isn't around, you have to create it.

[DanaC]

I'm not even talking about finding someone to settle down with, i'm talking about someone to have dinner with, see movies with, screw around with, and just hang out with.
Adults have a much wider range of options on that front, I'm certain. Even though some don't, its still easier for adults to find both someone to date casually or someone to hook up with.

Depends where you live Ibby. Lot of adults simply don't have access to that kind of casual meeting scenario. This is particularly the case in big cities. Think about it: unless you are out with some friends, what do you look like if you go to a bar alone? People go out in pairs and groups, to be single and out and about alone is simply not societally acceptable in many places, and even where it is it is a dangerous thing to do, particularly if you're a woman. The reason speed dating, and net dating etc is such a big thing is because there are ever growing numbers of single adults who simply don't have the opportunity to meet other single adults unless it's in a work setting.

[Ibby]

Originally Posted by Mockingbird

Since I'm about the middle of the road age wise here, (I think,) at 24 let me drop my two cents.

Here's my secret to successful living. Do whatever you want, within reason.

A story to illustrate.

When I was about 19 or so I was a pretty shy kid and I used to mull around coffee shops and look towards all the arty chicks and think, "God, if only one of them would talk to me." After about two months of frequenting the place, reading sullenly and drinking enough coffee to kill a small buffalo, I gave up. I was pretty much expecting some sort of big break and hoping that some sort of serendipity would set me right with a nice girl. Life generally doesn't hand stuff like that out and I needed an attention getter, so this is what I did.

I live in a city fairly close to the country, so there are lots of farms and things around. A friend of mine raised goats. So, after selecting the cutest art chicka in the joint, I borrow my friends goat, put it on a leash and walk up to her. Obviously, she's pretty shocked.

"Hi, my name is Robert and I've been wanting to talk to you for weeks but I couldn't think of how to start a conversation. So, I brought this conversation piece to help me."

We were together for about 3 years after that. Sometimes romance is silly and not what you think it is and sometimes when it isn't around, you have to create it.

I'm good at the whole attention getter thing.
I'm bad at the whole actually approaching girls.

Right after the musical, actually, i was pretty proud of myself... At the afterparty, I told my downstairs neighbor that i had a crush on her, and that was only accomplished with a combination of caffeine, after-show adrenaline, and narcotics. It, as I expected, went nowhere and is never going anywhere.

I'm really, really bad at approaching girls. At least, that way. I, like you... almost completely leave it in the hands of serendipity (thankyou mock, i love that word) and mostly just, sit and wait and do nothing.
Sigh. Anyone know where I can find a goat?

[Mockingbird]

Okay well, if you can get attention, you can approach the dudes and the ladies. Here's the thing. Where love and is concerned, people let rationality fly out the window. This is a big, dumb mistake and I'm not sure why people do it.

Say there's this cute girl and you want to approach her. You know how to break the ice (since you're an attention getter), you know at least your first three sentences you're going to say (if not, give it a bit of thought), whatever. If you approach her, make nice and she still rejects you, she may have her reasons. We've all seen you so it isn't going to be that you're not attractive or anything like that, worst case scenario she's not looking for anything right at the moment or she's with someone. Here's what people don't seem to realize. If you approach her and make your intentions known that you find her attractive, like (variable) or something about her, it will make her day, if not her week or month.

Every 'unattainable' person that we're afraid to approach is just that, a person. They have feelings and they like to be complemented and feel that other people appreciate them, just like anyone else. You'll find out that that most people who seem unapproachable or stand off-ish are that way BECAUSE people are too afraid to talk to them. I couldn't tell you how many really wonderful people I've met just by taking a shot in the dark.

Really though, even with all that said if your advances end in rejection, you're still making people feel good about themselves and doling out self esteem by the fistful. Doing good things comes back to you. Keep trying and eventually you will surprise yourself.

[Sheldonrs]

Here's what I'm getting from this thread:

Life can be good or bad.
Love can be good or bad.
Love may or may not be there.

Everyone else is better off than everyone else.

Everyone else is worse off than everyone else.

That about sum it up?

[Mockingbird]

Originally Posted by Sheldonrs

Here's what I'm getting from this thread:

Life can be good or bad.
Love can be good or bad.
Love may or may not be there.

Everyone else is better off than everyone else.

Everyone else is worse off than everyone else.

That about sum it up?

Pretty much. I think I read somewhere once that if you added together all the mass in the universe and combined it with all the forces working against the mass, (i.e energy and the like) you'd be left with nothing.

So yeah, all of the above listed is both true and false.

[Spectacle]

Love is not limited to the elderly, it arrives spontaneously to anyone no matter their age, location or issue. Love cannot be controlled.

Just because more mature people seem like the stereotypical "people who fall in love" does not make it more true than the two high school sweet hearts who elope.

It is yourself who makes it challenging to find love, which is actually the easiest part of courtship, because love itself is the most challenging thing you will ever discover.

[lookout123]

Maybe I'll even find a gay guy there! they are european after all...

if that is what floats your boat, go for it, i used the traditional man/woman as an example.

ok, so you know one person at that school but she's not popular. so? do you actually LIKE the popular people? most of them when will be sweeping up popcorn at the theatre when you are on the screen in a few years, quit worrying about them. people are people. in fact, if you make the conscious decision to NOT TRY to get in with the in crowd, you will actually be given access faster anyway. the in crowd is used to everyone trying to get in with them. people who don't do what you expect are intriguing. but back to the first goal: Be a friend. you have a female friend from that school already. Unless she is bad news or generally unhealthy for you to be around, be the best friend to her that you can possibly be. don't be desperate and use her to "get in" - she'll know the difference. be a friend. enjoy her company. if nothing else pans out you will have a person to enjoy your time with.

i will make you one promise - the harder you try to get into the in crowd, the harder it will be to get in. people (women especially) smell fear, desperation, and loneliness and it is a huge turn off. you will see this when you are older at the bars. the stud who shows up looking to get laid goes home alone, while the average guy who is relaxed and friendly has more attention than he knows what to do with. romance is a commodity and the more you "need" it, the harder it is to come by. be a friend. the rest will fall into place.

[freshnesschronic]

Originally Posted by Spectacle

Love is not limited to the elderly, it arrives spontaneously to anyone no matter their age, location or issue. Love cannot be controlled.

Just because more mature people seem like the stereotypical "people who fall in love" does not make it more true than the two high school sweet hearts who elope.

It is yourself who makes it challenging to find love, which is actually the easiest part of courtship, because love itself is the most challenging thing you will ever discover.

Right on.

Originally Posted by lookout123

i will make you one promise - the harder you try to get into the in crowd, the harder it will be to get in. people (women especially) smell fear, desperation, and loneliness and it is a huge turn off. you will see this when you are older at the bars. the stud who shows up looking to get laid goes home alone, while the average guy who is relaxed and friendly has more attention than he knows what to do with. romance is a commodity and the more you "need" it, the harder it is to come by. be a friend. the rest will fall into place.

Oh yeah!
I can't really think of a good contribution so I will promote the already good contributions.

[Ibby]

i definitely have no desire to be part of the in crowd. its simply that, if someone is popular, relatively speaking, then they will be able to introduce me to more people than someone with, say, very very few friends... which is the boat the friend in question is in.

[glatt]

Originally Posted by lookout123

romance is a commodity and the more you "need" it, the harder it is to come by. be a friend. the rest will fall into place.

I think that's true. But the next part is that you need to be paying attention and open to it when it comes.

[Ibby]

sooo, mockingbird's advice is, you gotta go out there and just jump in, hope for the best, can't hurt to be as proactive about it as possible... and l123's is, don't look for it, just wait for it to come to you?
(yeah, i know i'm oversimplifying but...)

Yeah uh, sorry l123, but I think i'm with mockingbird on this... i've tried the waiting and just being a friend, just waiting for something to happen. It's time to try to make something happen.

[lookout123]

true. but the popular crowd is typically full of clones who are fearful of losing their spot in the crowd. trust me, the popular ones are walking through life terrified of being pushed out right now. the ones who have fewer friends, generally have more "real" friends, but more importantly many "acquaintances". remember, you aren't looking for a wife (or husband), you are looking for human interaction. i think i really hear you saying you are looking for a place where you feel like you belong.

because the clones are afraid of making a tragic misstep and losing cool points and being pushed to the back of the pack most of them won't take a chance on the unknown (you). the other group may not be as popular but they'll take a chance on people. be a friend. if you decide you really don't like that person, walk away. if they are likeable, stick around - you will meet other people just by being a friend to a person who is in a different orbit than yourself. some you'll like, some you won't. be a friend to those you like. be courteous to those you don't.

any of the popular clones that have even the slightest grasp of their own identity will have a friend or two that doesn't fit with the clones. you'll meet the popular kids just by being around the people you actually like and who are willing to give you a chance.

one of three things will happen: 1) you will make some very good friends in the "out" crowd and enjoy life, 2) you'll start their but move into the popular crowd and enjoy life, 3) you'll be given the opportunity to see the inner dynamic of the popular crowd and realize you don't like it, so you'll focus more on your "out" crowd... making you even more desireable to the clones and you will enjoy life.

it doesn't matter. all three end with the same thing - you enjoy interaction with other people.