Good v's Bad? - Page 3

footfootfoot · 06-13-2006, 08:52 PM

Like thousands of tiny thumbs urging you to let loose...

disenchanted · 06-13-2006, 10:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iggy

When you have to get up and masturbate afterwards because they couldn't get you off. Or if you are never satisfied with the sex, and just want more and they are done (meaning they are either unwilling or unable to go for a second round).

Well, these two scenerios pretty much amount to the same thing...

Not to make my cellar debut by hijacking a thread, I've got to say this sentiment is curious, me a month out of a nearly-ten-year relationship with the only person I've ever slept with and realizing that our quarterly ritual (yes, it became that infrequent) usually ended with me taking matters into my own hands.

It's hard to strive for "perspective" when all it illuminates are the things you learned to live without, and yet it was them that chose to flee the scene.

wolf · 06-14-2006, 01:20 AM

Well, that's unfortunate ... but you've managed to find one heck of a bunch of people to commiserate with.

Welcome to The Cellar.

disenchanted · 06-14-2006, 01:57 AM

Thanks for the welcome.

I hate to admit that I've come to benefit off others' misfortune, but I've been lurking here for a while, and the troublesome tales of Undertoad and Lookout123's breakups (or more to the point, the narratives of how they've been working through them) are what made me stumble upon this place, and they've been helpful, if for no other reason than letting me pretend there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Wow, what a sap.

Anyhow, I'm definitely teetering over the precipice of thread-hijacking now, so stop encouraging me.

Kagen4o4 · 06-14-2006, 02:28 AM

go for it. ive got a book to read anyway.

wolf · 06-14-2006, 02:55 AM

Go ahead and start your own thread, if you're ready.

And also let UT know when it's time to change your username.

DucksNuts · 06-14-2006, 03:40 AM

Hijack away, theres no such thing as a safe thread here...and thats the way we like it apparently.

disenchanted · 06-14-2006, 04:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

And also let UT know when it's time to change your username.

Having lived under a constant Internet pseudonym for the last ten years, I suspect that it would be easier to talk about certain subject matter under a name that the ex-girl wouldn't find, as well as never having to be accused of libel against her by virtue of my non de plume.

So for at least the time being, the handle serves its purpose. To drag this back on topic, I can say that by at least some of the standards presented here, "bad lay" is a label that might not be totally inappropriate to the situation (which might be an epiphany I'd not expected, or could just be sour grapes. Troublesome judgement, that.)

yesman065 · 06-14-2006, 07:39 AM

"that our quarterly ritual (yes, it became that infrequent) usually ended with me taking matters into my own hands."
I'm embarrassed to admit that I know EXACTLY how you feel. After 17 years of "bad lays" (not the Chips) I've found that sex can and should be enjoyable, even outstanding! Welcome to The Cellar Disenchanted. I hope you find what you are lookng for.

Iggy · 06-14-2006, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigV

Hmmm.

So is it the journey or the destination? Which is more important? It is possible to enjoy the journey regardless of the destination? Is the destination worthwhile if the journey is unpleasant? How important is your partner's enjoyment of each aspect?

Well, the journey can be the best part. But if you are left unsatisfied with it at the end, chances are the journey wasn't very good. I have never really had this problem, but my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years did. His ex-wife left, shall we say, something left to be desired in sex. I can't imagine having to go masturbate after having sex because it was that unenjoyable.

I have had bad sex, but they were always a fluke and after some careful communication things usually worked out. And if they didn't work out, it wasn't because of the sex. there was always another issue that would not be resolved (usually the fact that they were cheating).

I would say that as long as you enjoy it and are somewhat satisfied after the act, then it isn't a bad lay. I seriously doubt I could orgasm every time I had sex just because of the other things in my life (like stress). But when I can't reach that point just the journey is plenty for me.

BigV · 06-14-2006, 11:10 AM

Thank you for the considerate reply.

I am inclined to agree with your postition. Especially wrt communication. It's all about communication, sex is communication by other means (with apologies to Clausewitz). Every day I communicate, sometimes well, often poorly, usually with words, occasionally by other means. Bottom line--when the communication is not working well, the chances of other things working well are greatly diminished.

Iggy · 06-14-2006, 11:34 AM

You are very welcome.

(at least I think you were referring to me... )

And I totally agree with you. Communication is an absolute must.

BigV · 06-14-2006, 11:39 AM

Yes, you, Iggy.

The unfortunate corrolary to communication as a prerequisite to sex is no communication, no sex.

Trilby · 06-14-2006, 11:55 AM

Sex is so awesomely good--why do we fuck it up?

Iggy · 06-14-2006, 12:08 PM

They already have the "no glove, no love" phase, I think we should add yours as well.

No communication, no sex.

06-13-2006, 08:52 PM	#31
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Like thousands of tiny thumbs urging you to let loose... __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

06-14-2006, 01:20 AM	#33
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Well, that's unfortunate ... but you've managed to find one heck of a bunch of people to commiserate with. Welcome to The Cellar. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

06-14-2006, 02:28 AM	#35
Kagen4o4 The Sheriff of Nothingland Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Melbourne, Aus Posts: 1,794	go for it. ive got a book to read anyway. __________________ something we both can enjoy??

06-14-2006, 02:55 AM	#36
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Go ahead and start your own thread, if you're ready. And also let UT know when it's time to change your username. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

06-14-2006, 11:10 AM	#41
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	Thank you for the considerate reply. I am inclined to agree with your postition. Especially wrt communication. It's all about communication, sex is communication by other means (with apologies to Clausewitz). Every day I communicate, sometimes well, often poorly, usually with words, occasionally by other means. Bottom line--when the communication is not working well, the chances of other things working well are greatly diminished. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

06-14-2006, 01:57 AM	#34
disenchanted Resident President Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 81	Thanks for the welcome. I hate to admit that I've come to benefit off others' misfortune, but I've been lurking here for a while, and the troublesome tales of Undertoad and Lookout123's breakups (or more to the point, the narratives of how they've been working through them) are what made me stumble upon this place, and they've been helpful, if for no other reason than letting me pretend there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Wow, what a sap. Anyhow, I'm definitely teetering over the precipice of thread-hijacking now, so stop encouraging me.

06-14-2006, 03:40 AM	#37
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	Hijack away, theres no such thing as a safe thread here...and thats the way we like it apparently.

06-14-2006, 07:39 AM	#39
yesman065 Banned - Self Imposed Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,847	"that our quarterly ritual (yes, it became that infrequent) usually ended with me taking matters into my own hands." I'm embarrassed to admit that I know EXACTLY how you feel. After 17 years of "bad lays" (not the Chips) I've found that sex can and should be enjoyable, even outstanding! Welcome to The Cellar Disenchanted. I hope you find what you are lookng for.

06-14-2006, 11:34 AM	#42
Iggy Back and ready to tart up the place Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Kansas Posts: 850	You are very welcome. (at least I think you were referring to me... ) And I totally agree with you. Communication is an absolute must. __________________ Chock-full of naughty goodness.

06-14-2006, 11:39 AM	#43
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	Yes, you, Iggy. The unfortunate corrolary to communication as a prerequisite to sex is no communication, no sex. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

06-14-2006, 11:55 AM	#44
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Sex is so awesomely good--why do we fuck it up? __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

06-14-2006, 12:08 PM	#45
Iggy Back and ready to tart up the place Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Kansas Posts: 850	They already have the "no glove, no love" phase, I think we should add yours as well. No communication, no sex. __________________ Chock-full of naughty goodness.

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