Generation swap

[Undertoad]

I would rent a power washer with a high pressure hose. No touching needed but gramps may want to pucker a little if he doesn't want an enema.

[dar512]

As I mentioned elsewhere, my Mom is under hospice care. I've been going in to STL every other weekend to visit with her and to be with my Dad, brother and sister.

Last Thursday the hospice nurses told Dad, they think Mom has two to three weeks left so Mrs. Dar and the darlets went in with me to say our goodbyes, just in case.

Seeing your Mom shrivel up into a living mummy sucks - and it's just that much harder when you live five hours away.

Fuck cancer.

[Griff]

Originally Posted by dar512

Fuck cancer.

ditto

[dar512]

Thanks everybody. Your kind thoughts are very much appreciated.

[Shawnee123]

Geez, dar. I'm so sorry.

[Sundae]

My good thoughts to you too.
The only benefit to what will always be a painful experience, is that you have a chance to say goodbye and I love you.

[Clodfobble]

Sorry, dar.

[limey]

Sorry dar. Yes, it's appalling and scary to see your mother change so fast. You think "How did that happen so quickly?".

[Juniper]

Add mine. I'm so sorry. I remember how much it sucked for me too, though it wasn't cancer. With my mom it was like this: she's gonna get better, wait, no she's probably not . . . well, she's doing OK, it'll just take a long time . . . no, she's dying . . . ugh. In the end I think the only recompense is being able to say goodbye. Take care of yourself.

[limey]

It seems churlish to complain in the light of the above but ...
the better my mum gets, the more she rebels against where she is living. "It's my life and I don't want to live it like this".
She is (at the moment) much better than she was in hospital. But her mental and physical states are so variable (on an hourly basis) and her organisational/rational skills virtually non-existent - she needs 24-hour care but cannot see that.
I'm in for a bumpy ride - the more my mum, in the character that I know and love, comes back to me, the more we're going to argue.

[dar512]

Originally Posted by limey

It seems churlish to complain in the light of the above but ...
the better my mum gets, the more she rebels against where she is living. "It's my life and I don't want to live it like this".
She is (at the moment) much better than she was in hospital. But her mental and physical states are so variable (on an hourly basis) and her organisational/rational skills virtually non-existent - she needs 24-hour care but cannot see that.
I'm in for a bumpy ride - the more my mum, in the character that I know and love, comes back to me, the more we're going to argue.

Not at all, limey. I feel for you. You have a difficult road ahead.

Is there anyone whom your Mom trusts implicitly? Sibling, favorite son, favorite doctor? You might get some leverage that way.

Good luck. We're here to listen whenever you need it.

[limey]

Originally Posted by dar512

Not at all, limey. I feel for you. You have a difficult road ahead.....

Thank you, dar, and wolf. Your kind words given at such a difficult time for yourselves mean a lot to me.

Originally Posted by dar512

Is there anyone whom your Mom trusts implicitly? ....

That'd be me . I have one surviving brother who is very supportive of what I do and always there for me on the phone.

I am thrilled today to have found a thing called an Analogue FCT device to which it seems, I can attach my mother's familiar Big Button phone so that she can make calls to me and her friends while she's still able to use familiar technology (an ordinary mobile is beyond her, and has been for years). I'm willing to take the risk that she'll ring far too often ... we'll simply be "out" ...
I have also found some online forums for people going through what I am and am taking comfort from reading their stories.
And tomorrow I have to pack up stuff from her house to do with her main interest (dog breeding) and send it to her doggie friends to assess where/whether it should be kept (i.e. breed club archives or bin). Not so thrilling.

[limey]

Originally Posted by limey

It seems churlish to complain in the light of the above but ...
the better my mum gets, the more she rebels against where she is living. "It's my life and I don't want to live it like this".
...

She got her wish.
Shortly after Christmas my mum developed a chest infection which did not respond to antibiotics, so they tried different ones. On Tuesday the Nursing Home decided to send her to the local cottage hospital for intravenous antibiotics, as they thought she'd developed "a pneumonia". Within an hour of arriving at hospital she had slipped into unconsciousness. Apart from a period of agitation yesterday evening, that's how she stayed until she died at ten to midnight, Wednesday 6th January.

[TheMercenary]

Sorry to hear about it dar. I (we) have been through it a few times now. It never gets any easier. We have one parent left, my mom, in an assisted living home. Her days are numbered I am sure. Well, not really, we have a history of more than a few on both my mom and dads side living well into their 90's and my dad's aunt lived to113. I don't want that.

[wolf]

dar, hugs to you. I spent some of this last week wishing there had been some distance involved in my experience, but through you I hear the difficulty of that option as well.

Limey, my heart goes out to you, as I'd had that exact conversation several times in the last few years, and siswolf and I were dreading the possibility of having to put her into a care facility had momwolf lingered on.