Divorce: It's not whether you fight, but how you fight - Page 3

jimhelm · 10-05-2010, 12:13 PM

i was actually referring to your comments regarding alimony.

Shawnee123 · 10-05-2010, 12:17 PM

Which, when pressed, I elaborated upon.

jimhelm · 10-05-2010, 12:22 PM

sorry... posts are coming too fast. i didn't see your directive @'s when i posted. did they get edited in after for clarity?

I apologize for inferring that you are quick to judge people.

I'm going to duck out now before you two get blood on me.

love you guys!

Shawnee123 · 10-05-2010, 12:34 PM

I am probably quick to judge, here on these boards, where it all comes out in black and white.

What I judge are people who behave a certain way as a whole. What I should judge are individual actions. When I condemn a certain "action" of course it blankets everything, because it would be impossible to then list all of the ways in which this or that doesn't apply.

What you should know about me is that I am really a kind person. With all my barking I have no real bite. What I know about individuals, and how they treat me and those around them, is how I interact with others in this life. I am kind to the point that I am the one who gets used, and I am the one who gets stepped all over. All I can keep in my heart is that the shame is not on me...I've only tried my best. In the cellar, no one can hear you cry.

To this point, I've recently given up on the idea that the world is inherently a good place. I've given up on believing that being good is enough, and finding that being bad and hard-hearted is the only way to live through it. However, as bad as I try to be...it doesn't stick. Therefore, the ideas of love and marriage have to be thought of in more practical terms, and the only conclusion that I can come to is we leave this world as we entered it...completely alone. I just try to keep the collateral damage to a minimum.

This should be in another thread, don't know what, but I felt it time to give myself some support, and this is where it bubbled over. I think I need another break.

And please oh please don't discount my sense of humor, which goes over like a lead balloon here but will one day make me rich and famous. Ha!

(Oh, and i did edit in the @'s. Sorry.)

(Here is where you point and laugh at the crazy emotional human woman.)

monster · 10-05-2010, 12:56 PM

I find lead balloons hilarious. unless they land on my toes.

classicman · 10-05-2010, 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

What I should judge are individual actions. When I condemn a certain "action" of course it blankets everything, because it would be impossible to then list all of the ways in which this or that doesn't apply.

THAT would have been a much better reply - just agree with the few exceptions that were brought up or whatever. I specifically tried to keep my reply on subject and NOT ATTACK YOU PERSONALLY. I wasn't trying to condemn you. Just raising the issue of where I think alimony IS appropriate.

Aliantha · 10-05-2010, 07:44 PM

Even if someone has gotten themself qualified for something (educated) prior to marriage and kids, a lot of the time, those qualifications just aren't significant after perhaps 10 or even 20 years of marriage.

We don't really have a provision for alimony over here (although so people are awarded certain amounts considered to be over and above what might be for the kids), but we do have a much better social support system as far as making sure everyone has an opportunity to get back on their feet without having to suffer too much. The non custodial parent is required to pay child support though, and if they have troubles handing it over, wages are garnished and so forth.

TheMercenary · 10-05-2010, 08:54 PM

So how is your tax system set up?

Aliantha · 10-05-2010, 08:55 PM

Oh much differently to yours.

We don't get to keep the money we earn here.

xoxoxoBruce · 10-05-2010, 11:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aliantha

Even if someone has gotten themself qualified for something (educated) prior to marriage and kids, a lot of the time, those qualifications just aren't significant after perhaps 10 or even 20 years of marriage.

True

Quote:

We don't really have a provision for alimony over here (although so people are awarded certain amounts considered to be over and above what might be for the kids),...

PA doesn't have alimony, as some states do, but there is a provision for support during a court approved training/schooling plan, to reenter the workforce. However, even that's irksome when she's living with her paramour, more so when you're supporting them both.

Quote:

... The non custodial parent is required to pay child support though, and if they have troubles handing it over, wages are garnished and so forth.

Same here.

Shawnee123 · 10-06-2010, 08:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

PA doesn't have alimony, as some states do, but there is a provision for support during a court approved training/schooling plan, to reenter the workforce. However, even that's irksome when she's living with her paramour, more so when you're supporting them both.

I think that's the kind of thing I was referring to. When my mouth gets going I must remember that the 'people' I'm criticizing are often caricatures of the ones who do those sorts of things that are just not right.

I get jaded, in this profession, and it's good for me to take a step back and remember the people who aren't doing the bad things.

So, I will even admit that classic was right: a better response would have been to talk about those who are doing the deeds, and not lumping everyone else in, in the process.

My apologies again if I offended anyone. I should know as well as anyone that it's the bad apples that make the bunch look bad...but the bad apples end up being cider in the long run, anyway.

classicman · 10-06-2010, 08:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

PA doesn't have alimony, as some states do, but there is a provision for support during a court approved training/schooling plan, to reenter the workforce.

Quote:

A "TOP SEVEN" LIST OF MISCONCEPTIONS REGARDING PENNSYLVANIA FAMILY LAW
1) “There is no alimony in Pennsylvania”. I am constantly amazed at how many new clients believe that alimony does not exist in Pennsylvania. Let me set the record straight: alimony is alive and kicking in Pennsylvania. Section 3701(a) of the Pennsylvania Divorce Code provides that “[w]here a divorce decree has been entered, the court may allow alimony, as it deems reasonable, to either party only if it finds that alimony is necessary.”

Just clarifying - well trying to anyway.
Oh and I voluntarily paid it a few years ago for a bit.

Quote:

However, even that's irksome when she's living with her paramour, more so when you're supporting them both.

Thats what made me the most angry. The money was for her to provide for her and the kids (Alimony & child support) When I ofund out she was wining and dining with her new man while the kids were home alone ... or worse.

I did a little investigating, collected information, filed and it ended...

classicman · 10-06-2010, 08:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

So, I will even admit that classic was right: a better response would have been to talk about those who are doing the deeds, and not lumping everyone else in, in the process.

We both tend to do this.

Shawnee123 · 10-06-2010, 08:59 AM

Whew. Good. I am glad we came to an agreement.

classicman · 10-06-2010, 09:04 AM

I think you just used up your BONUS TRICK

10-05-2010, 12:17 PM	#32
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Which, when pressed, I elaborated upon. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

10-05-2010, 12:34 PM	#34
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	I am probably quick to judge, here on these boards, where it all comes out in black and white. What I judge are people who behave a certain way as a whole. What I should judge are individual actions. When I condemn a certain "action" of course it blankets everything, because it would be impossible to then list all of the ways in which this or that doesn't apply. What you should know about me is that I am really a kind person. With all my barking I have no real bite. What I know about individuals, and how they treat me and those around them, is how I interact with others in this life. I am kind to the point that I am the one who gets used, and I am the one who gets stepped all over. All I can keep in my heart is that the shame is not on me...I've only tried my best. In the cellar, no one can hear you cry. To this point, I've recently given up on the idea that the world is inherently a good place. I've given up on believing that being good is enough, and finding that being bad and hard-hearted is the only way to live through it. However, as bad as I try to be...it doesn't stick. Therefore, the ideas of love and marriage have to be thought of in more practical terms, and the only conclusion that I can come to is we leave this world as we entered it...completely alone. I just try to keep the collateral damage to a minimum. This should be in another thread, don't know what, but I felt it time to give myself some support, and this is where it bubbled over. I think I need another break. And please oh please don't discount my sense of humor, which goes over like a lead balloon here but will one day make me rich and famous. Ha! (Oh, and i did edit in the @'s. Sorry.) (Here is where you point and laugh at the crazy emotional human woman.) __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

10-05-2010, 12:56 PM	#35
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	I find lead balloons hilarious. unless they land on my toes. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

10-05-2010, 07:44 PM	#37
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Even if someone has gotten themself qualified for something (educated) prior to marriage and kids, a lot of the time, those qualifications just aren't significant after perhaps 10 or even 20 years of marriage. We don't really have a provision for alimony over here (although so people are awarded certain amounts considered to be over and above what might be for the kids), but we do have a much better social support system as far as making sure everyone has an opportunity to get back on their feet without having to suffer too much. The non custodial parent is required to pay child support though, and if they have troubles handing it over, wages are garnished and so forth. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

10-05-2010, 08:54 PM	#38
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	So how is your tax system set up? __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

10-05-2010, 12:13 PM	#31
jimhelm a beautiful fool Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: 39.939705 Posts: 4,504	i was actually referring to your comments regarding alimony.

10-05-2010, 12:22 PM	#33
jimhelm a beautiful fool Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: 39.939705 Posts: 4,504	sorry... posts are coming too fast. i didn't see your directive @'s when i posted. did they get edited in after for clarity? I apologize for inferring that you are quick to judge people. I'm going to duck out now before you two get blood on me. love you guys!

10-05-2010, 08:55 PM	#39
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Oh much differently to yours. We don't get to keep the money we earn here. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

10-06-2010, 08:59 AM	#44
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Whew. Good. I am glad we came to an agreement. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

10-06-2010, 09:04 AM	#45
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	I think you just used up your BONUS TRICK __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

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