Humor...I Need Humor...

[Gravdigr]

The drummer joke reminded me of this one I saw the other day:

How do you know if the stage is level?

The drummer drools out both sides of his mouth.

[Clodfobble]

Why did Stacey fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

Knock Knock. Who's there?
Not Stacey.

This pair cracked me up, too.


Here's my favorite joke ever, which Minifob is good at telling:

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

[jimhelm]

Ripley told me the not Stacey joke when we were Christmas shopping. I lolled.

[Gravdigr]

[xoxoxoBruce]

Little Noah came into the house with a new harmonica.
“Grandpa, do you mind if I play this in here?”
“Of course not, Noah. I love music.
In fact, when your grandma and I were young, music saved my life.”
“What happened?”
“Well, it was during the famous Johnstown flood.
The dam broke and when the water hit out house it knocked it right off the foundation.
Grandma got on the dining room table and floated out safely.”
“How about you?”
“Me? I accompanied her on the piano!”

[xoxoxoBruce]

FLORIDA PERSONALS

FOXY LADY :
Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty,
80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6'),
searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.
Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
----------------------------------------------------
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT :
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband,
looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness,
fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
----------------------------------------------------
SERENITY NOW :
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and
meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together,
take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
----------------------------------------------------
WINNING SMILE :
Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser
to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
----------------------------------------------------
BEATLES OR STONES ?
I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on
Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar.
If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen,
let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
----------------------------------------------------
MEMORIES :
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday.
If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday,
let's put our two heads together.
----------------------------------------------------
MINT CONDITION :
Male, 1932 model , high mileage, good condition, some hair,
many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves.
Not in running condition, but walks well.

[xoxoxoBruce]

I was talking to my preacher and noticed he had cut himself shaving, so I asked him about it.
He said he was concentrating on his sermon while shaving, and had nicked his chin.
I thought about that during the sermon, then stood in line to greet him after the service.
I told him that I thought about what he had said.
“And…?” he replied.
I told him next time, he should concentrate on what he was doing, and cut his sermon instead.
******************
Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.
'Yes,' came the answer from Tony, 'I've bought her a belt and a bag.'
'That's nice of you,' Jim added, 'I hope she'll appreciate them.'
Tony smiled, 'So do I, it’ll make her vacuuming much easier now.'

[jimhelm]

Mixed emotions:

When your wife tells you that of all of your friends, your cock is the biggest.

[Nirvana]

[Pete Zicato]

Some puns Zing #1 pointed me to:

Why were the indians in America first?
They had reservations.

We had a class trip to the Coke factory.
I knew there would be a pop quiz.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid.
He says he can stop anytime.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
I can't put it down.

But really, jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

[BigV]

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?


















Breathe! BREATHE!!!

[Pete Zicato]

Excellent!

[Gravdigr]

Originally Posted by BigV

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

Breathe! BREATHE!!!

Luvvit!
_________________________

[Nirvana]

[Gravdigr]

You mean Bahston?