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Old 08-22-2011, 10:43 PM   #1
Crimson Ghost
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Old Sol Finkelstein, what a man.
At 15, he survived Bergen-Belsen only to be sent to Auschwitz.
He was on a detail that cleared out the gas chambers, and transported the bodies to the crematorium.
When the Allies liberated the camp, he walked 20 kilometers, barefoot, to a village where he was able to get medical treatment.
A year later, he managed to get himself to England, and there he hopped a tramp steamer to New York.
He worked 12 hours a day, and saved his money, and eventually bought a deli.
He worked in the deli for 50 years, meeting all sorts of people.
Mayor Lindsey.
Andy Warhol.
Johnny Carson.
John and Yoko.
At night, he trained for the Golden Gloves.
As a sparring partner, he knocked out Jack Dempsey, Cassius Clay, and George Foreman.
He went on to win the Golden Gloves on four separate occasions, earning himself the nickname "The Tough Jew".
Finally, he decided to sell the deli and retire.
The first week in Florida, he hits the Powerball for 304 million bucks.
The TV reporters love the story, and set up a news conference with him.
They relate his history, and ask him "What's the first thing you're going to do?"
"Well, I'm goin' build a statue honoring Adolph Hitler."
"What? You're kidding! Why him, of all people?"
Sol rolls up his left sleeve, exposing the number tattooed on his forearm.
"Well, he did give me the winning numbers..."
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We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark.

I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them,
I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period.



Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years
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Old 08-26-2011, 03:43 PM   #2
GunMaster357
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There are 2 types of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.
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Old 09-07-2011, 05:26 AM   #3
GunMaster357
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Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock?

A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
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Old 09-29-2011, 03:00 PM   #4
Gravdigr
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Didja hear about the Ethiopian that fell in the alligator pit?

He ate three of 'em before they got him out.
Attached Images
 
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Old 09-30-2011, 10:45 PM   #5
buttless
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Three fags are sitting in a hot tub just relaxing when a huge glob of semen floats to the surface,

One of the fags looks up and says "Hey! Who farted?"

-----------

Have you ever heard the motto of the Greek army?
Never leave your buddy's behind.

-----------

Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans. I said, “Fuck that – knowing my luck, I’d win one!”

-----------

Got this text from my brother recently.
It read. “Can I stay at your house for a while?

The ol' Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock.
.... It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!”

------------

I was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.
She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!”
Thinking back, I really should have ran – but you don’t get offers like that every day.

-------------

I saw a fortune teller the other day.
She told me I would come into some money.
Last night I fucked a girl called Penny – is that spooky or what?

------------

The missus asked me, “When you’re on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?”
.... Apparently “Only to stop myself from coming too quickly” wasn’t the right answer.
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Old 10-02-2011, 06:04 PM   #6
Gravdigr
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Quote:
Originally Posted by buttless View Post
...I was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.
She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!”
Thinking back, I really should have ran – but you don’t get offers like that every day.

-------------

I saw a fortune teller the other day.
She told me I would come into some money.
Last night I fucked a girl called Penny – is that spooky or what?
Those two are winners.
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Old 10-06-2011, 09:12 PM   #7
classicman
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A friend of mine just started his own business in Afghanistan.

He's making land mines that look like prayer mats. It's doing well.

He says prophets are going through the roof!
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Old 10-06-2011, 09:37 PM   #8
BigV
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lol groan
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Old 10-06-2011, 10:09 PM   #9
classicman
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Not tasteless enough for you, V?
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Old 10-06-2011, 11:25 PM   #10
BigV
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pretty tasteless, pretty funny.

like a good dead baby joke.
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Old 10-06-2011, 11:45 PM   #11
classicman
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mission accomplished
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Old 10-07-2011, 06:02 PM   #12
ZenGum
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Whacko extremist.


ETA: sorry, Pavlovian reflex. Move along.
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Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.
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Old 10-07-2011, 06:15 PM   #13
classicman
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tommy

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Old 10-08-2011, 01:49 PM   #14
Gravdigr
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Prophets...roof...
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Old 10-08-2011, 02:50 PM   #15
GunMaster357
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Did you hear about the football coach that got married?




He thought he was getting a tight end, but wound up with a wide receiver!
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