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#1 |
Larger than life and twice as ugly.
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,264
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Old Sol Finkelstein, what a man.
At 15, he survived Bergen-Belsen only to be sent to Auschwitz. He was on a detail that cleared out the gas chambers, and transported the bodies to the crematorium. When the Allies liberated the camp, he walked 20 kilometers, barefoot, to a village where he was able to get medical treatment. A year later, he managed to get himself to England, and there he hopped a tramp steamer to New York. He worked 12 hours a day, and saved his money, and eventually bought a deli. He worked in the deli for 50 years, meeting all sorts of people. Mayor Lindsey. Andy Warhol. Johnny Carson. John and Yoko. At night, he trained for the Golden Gloves. As a sparring partner, he knocked out Jack Dempsey, Cassius Clay, and George Foreman. He went on to win the Golden Gloves on four separate occasions, earning himself the nickname "The Tough Jew". Finally, he decided to sell the deli and retire. The first week in Florida, he hits the Powerball for 304 million bucks. The TV reporters love the story, and set up a news conference with him. They relate his history, and ask him "What's the first thing you're going to do?" "Well, I'm goin' build a statue honoring Adolph Hitler." "What? You're kidding! Why him, of all people?" Sol rolls up his left sleeve, exposing the number tattooed on his forearm. "Well, he did give me the winning numbers..."
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We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. ![]() ![]() Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years |
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#2 |
Professor
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Brest (FRANCE)
Posts: 1,837
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There are 2 types of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.
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"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce |
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#3 |
Professor
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Brest (FRANCE)
Posts: 1,837
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Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
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"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce |
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#4 |
The Un-Tuckian
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
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Didja hear about the Ethiopian that fell in the alligator pit?
He ate three of 'em before they got him out.
__________________
![]() These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. |
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#5 |
Eavesdropper
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 24
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Three fags are sitting in a hot tub just relaxing when a huge glob of semen floats to the surface,
One of the fags looks up and says "Hey! Who farted?" ----------- Have you ever heard the motto of the Greek army? Never leave your buddy's behind. ----------- Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans. I said, “Fuck that – knowing my luck, I’d win one!” ----------- Got this text from my brother recently. It read. “Can I stay at your house for a while? The ol' Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock. .... It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!” ------------ I was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!” Thinking back, I really should have ran – but you don’t get offers like that every day. ------------- I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I fucked a girl called Penny – is that spooky or what? ------------ The missus asked me, “When you’re on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?” .... Apparently “Only to stop myself from coming too quickly” wasn’t the right answer. |
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#6 | |
The Un-Tuckian
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
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Quote:
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__________________
![]() These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. |
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#7 |
barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy.
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 23,401
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A friend of mine just started his own business in Afghanistan.
He's making land mines that look like prayer mats. It's doing well. He says prophets are going through the roof!
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"like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt |
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#8 |
Goon Squad Leader
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Seattle
Posts: 27,063
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lol groan
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Be Just and Fear Not. |
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#10 |
Goon Squad Leader
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Seattle
Posts: 27,063
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pretty tasteless, pretty funny.
like a good dead baby joke.
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Be Just and Fear Not. |
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#12 |
Doctor Wtf
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Badelaide, Baustralia
Posts: 12,861
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Whacko extremist.
ETA: sorry, Pavlovian reflex. Move along.
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Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl. |
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#14 |
The Un-Tuckian
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
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Prophets...roof...
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__________________
![]() These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. |
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#15 |
Professor
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Brest (FRANCE)
Posts: 1,837
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Did you hear about the football coach that got married?
He thought he was getting a tight end, but wound up with a wide receiver!
__________________
"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce |
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humor |
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