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Old 02-05-2011, 07:37 PM   #1
footfootfoot
To shreds, you say?
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
It is snowing, raining, sleeting, AND thundering and lightning.

Awesome.
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Old 02-05-2011, 07:41 PM   #2
monster
I hear them call the tide
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
I want that.... now i'm home and warm and dry.....
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Old 02-06-2011, 09:12 PM   #3
Clodfobble
UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 20,012
Tonight I had to record the following line:

Quote:
...that a process will consistently and reproducibly produce product, or perform to a predetermined specification.
Obviously they are paying me with the money they saved by not hiring writers.
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Old 02-06-2011, 09:15 PM   #4
Flint
Snowflake
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Dystopia
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fixed it for them:

Quote:
...that a process will consistently and reproducibly produce, and/or perform THE SHIT OUT OF product, or a predetermined specification.
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There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there
it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your
expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever
gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio
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Old 02-24-2011, 07:27 AM   #5
Shawnee123
Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya?
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 21,206
I have a new app for my phone.

It's called Gaines. It's synced with the Android operating system. Here's how it works:

Forget to set your alarm? No problem. Accidentally turned the alarm off rather than hit "snooze?" No problem. Gaines will wake you up. Through a series of ever-increasing decibels of "MEOW" Gaines will override your alarm on your phone, and make sure you don't miss that important appointment, don't forget to send the kids to school, or aren't late for work.

It has some drawbacks, though. Gaines 2.0 is in development. Projected improvements include an additional app, Fancy Feast, (or Fancy Feast LITE, for the overweight app) which can be set to auto-feed Gaines 2.0 after 20 minutes. Gaines 2.0 can be set to ignore weekends or holidays. Gaines 2.0 no longer needs the companion app Litter Scoop as Gaines 2.0 has a state of the art nasal identification system, which will automatically detect and eliminate waste.
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Old 02-24-2011, 11:24 AM   #6
henry quirk
maskless: yesterday, today, tomorrow
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 2,162
"for the overweight app"

HA!
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Old 02-24-2011, 11:42 AM   #7
Shawnee123
Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya?
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 21,206
There's an app for that!
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Old 02-24-2011, 03:19 PM   #8
kerosene
Touring the facilities
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: The plains of Colorado
Posts: 3,476
That was funny. I actually thought to myself "Hmm...how coincidental that this really convenient app has the same name as shawnee's cat!"
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Old 02-24-2011, 03:28 PM   #9
Perry Winkle
Esnohplad Semaj Ton
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: A little south of sanity
Posts: 2,259
I need a picture of a cat and a recording of annoying cat sounds...
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Old 02-24-2011, 11:17 PM   #10
Clodfobble
UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 20,012
When the holier-than-thou douchebag tells you to "go fuck yourself," you know you're winning.
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Old 02-26-2011, 01:46 PM   #11
Shawnee123
Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya?
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 21,206
I can only guess that in 19 minutes this computer will either self-destruct or there is some kind of ejection system that will sending me flying into the dome of the library if I don't vacate the carrell.

Public libraries crack me up. I WILL fix my computer this weekend. Or not.
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Old 03-04-2011, 07:17 AM   #12
Shawnee123
Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya?
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 21,206
Oh, I did NOT.

Today: I got an email from last night from my best buddy's sister who works at the college where my best buddy and I both used to work.

She asked me if I knew "Joe Schmoe" and Joe asked if I were single. It has to be the Joe Schmoe I went to HS with. Too funny. He was really funny, I remember that.

Tell him I'm a lesbian on my way to Yemen for an indeterminate amount of time...all top secret stuff.
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Old 03-07-2011, 12:46 PM   #13
jimhelm
a beautiful fool
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: 39.939705
Posts: 4,504
our inventory manager scratching his head:

In doing a trade with another dealer, you fax the invoices of the cars you're trading to one another. Today, he had a trade fall through.

The other dealer wanted him to fax their invoice back to them.... 'OK, but may I ask why?'

the response?

'Well, we don't want copies of our invoices floating around out there"
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Old 03-07-2011, 07:45 PM   #14
Pete Zicato
Turns out my CRS is a symptom of TMB.
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Chicago suburbs
Posts: 2,916
Quote:
Originally Posted by jimhelm View Post
our inventory manager scratching his head:

In doing a trade with another dealer, you fax the invoices of the cars you're trading to one another. Today, he had a trade fall through.

The other dealer wanted him to fax their invoice back to them.... 'OK, but may I ask why?'

the response?

'Well, we don't want copies of our invoices floating around out there"
Dumber than a box of rocks.
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Old 03-07-2011, 01:40 PM   #15
monster
I hear them call the tide
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
A pair of knickers managed to get caught round the agitator in the washing machine and proceeded to strangle not one, or two, or even three, but ALL FOUR bath towels that were in there. I have no idea how it could have come about -even if I managed to dump the knickers over the agitator when I put the load in (I doubt it). It took me a good 5 minutes to untangle.

Now one leg hole and the waist band are stretched so wide my entire family could wear them at the same time I wonder if the tumble drier will restore the elasticity?
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