What's mildly amusing you today? - Page 39

Shawnee123 · 02-24-2011, 07:27 AM

I have a new app for my phone.

It's called Gaines. It's synced with the Android operating system. Here's how it works:

Forget to set your alarm? No problem. Accidentally turned the alarm off rather than hit "snooze?" No problem. Gaines will wake you up. Through a series of ever-increasing decibels of "MEOW" Gaines will override your alarm on your phone, and make sure you don't miss that important appointment, don't forget to send the kids to school, or aren't late for work.

It has some drawbacks, though. Gaines 2.0 is in development. Projected improvements include an additional app, Fancy Feast, (or Fancy Feast LITE, for the overweight app) which can be set to auto-feed Gaines 2.0 after 20 minutes. Gaines 2.0 can be set to ignore weekends or holidays. Gaines 2.0 no longer needs the companion app Litter Scoop as Gaines 2.0 has a state of the art nasal identification system, which will automatically detect and eliminate waste.

henry quirk · 02-24-2011, 11:24 AM

HA!

Shawnee123 · 02-24-2011, 11:42 AM

There's an app for that!

kerosene · 02-24-2011, 03:19 PM

That was funny. I actually thought to myself "Hmm...how coincidental that this really convenient app has the same name as shawnee's cat!"

Perry Winkle · 02-24-2011, 03:28 PM

I need a picture of a cat and a recording of annoying cat sounds...

Clodfobble · 02-24-2011, 11:17 PM

When the holier-than-thou douchebag tells you to "go fuck yourself," you know you're winning.

Shawnee123 · 02-26-2011, 01:46 PM

I can only guess that in 19 minutes this computer will either self-destruct or there is some kind of ejection system that will sending me flying into the dome of the library if I don't vacate the carrell.

Public libraries crack me up. I WILL fix my computer this weekend. Or not.

Shawnee123 · 03-04-2011, 07:17 AM

Oh, I did NOT.

Today: I got an email from last night from my best buddy's sister who works at the college where my best buddy and I both used to work.

She asked me if I knew "Joe Schmoe" and Joe asked if I were single. It has to be the Joe Schmoe I went to HS with. Too funny. He was really funny, I remember that.

Tell him I'm a lesbian on my way to Yemen for an indeterminate amount of time...all top secret stuff.

jimhelm · 03-07-2011, 12:46 PM

our inventory manager scratching his head:

In doing a trade with another dealer, you fax the invoices of the cars you're trading to one another. Today, he had a trade fall through.

The other dealer wanted him to fax their invoice back to them.... 'OK, but may I ask why?'

the response?

'Well, we don't want copies of our invoices floating around out there"

monster · 03-07-2011, 01:40 PM

A pair of knickers managed to get caught round the agitator in the washing machine and proceeded to strangle not one, or two, or even three, but ALL FOUR bath towels that were in there. I have no idea how it could have come about -even if I managed to dump the knickers over the agitator when I put the load in (I doubt it). It took me a good 5 minutes to untangle.

Now one leg hole and the waist band are stretched so wide my entire family could wear them at the same time

I wonder if the tumble drier will restore the elasticity?

Shawnee123 · 03-07-2011, 01:41 PM

I'm just envisioning this. Funny.

Pete Zicato · 03-07-2011, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimhelm

our inventory manager scratching his head:

In doing a trade with another dealer, you fax the invoices of the cars you're trading to one another. Today, he had a trade fall through.

The other dealer wanted him to fax their invoice back to them.... 'OK, but may I ask why?'

the response?

'Well, we don't want copies of our invoices floating around out there"

Dumber than a box of rocks.

ZenGum · 03-07-2011, 09:31 PM

Make sure they fax it on blue paper so you can tell it is a return.

ZenGum · 03-08-2011, 07:07 PM

Today's mild amusement is brought to you by Wacky Students Inc.

A reasonably intelligent young lass attended one of my seminars, and hung around afterwards to ask a couple of sensible questions. She was sensibly dressed and wearing glasses. Glasses with chunky white plastic frames. And no lenses whatsoever. Nothing. Her eyesight is fine, she told me.

Whatever. Twit.

plthijinx · 03-08-2011, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZenGum

Today's mild amusement is brought to you by Wacky Students Inc.

A reasonably intelligent young lass attended one of my seminars, and hung around afterwards to ask a couple of sensible questions. She was sensibly dressed and wearing glasses. Glasses with chunky white plastic frames. And no lenses whatsoever. Nothing. Her eyesight is fine, she told me.

Whatever. Twit.

that appears to be the new "fad". i;ve seen that more than once in the last few months at the track. even found a few pair lost out on the track. makes no sense to me. like leaving the tags and stickers on your new hat minnie pearl style.

02-24-2011, 07:27 AM	#571
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	I have a new app for my phone. It's called Gaines. It's synced with the Android operating system. Here's how it works: Forget to set your alarm? No problem. Accidentally turned the alarm off rather than hit "snooze?" No problem. Gaines will wake you up. Through a series of ever-increasing decibels of "MEOW" Gaines will override your alarm on your phone, and make sure you don't miss that important appointment, don't forget to send the kids to school, or aren't late for work. It has some drawbacks, though. Gaines 2.0 is in development. Projected improvements include an additional app, Fancy Feast, (or Fancy Feast LITE, for the overweight app) which can be set to auto-feed Gaines 2.0 after 20 minutes. Gaines 2.0 can be set to ignore weekends or holidays. Gaines 2.0 no longer needs the companion app Litter Scoop as Gaines 2.0 has a state of the art nasal identification system, which will automatically detect and eliminate waste. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

02-24-2011, 11:24 AM	#572
henry quirk maskless: yesterday, today, tomorrow Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 2,162	"for the overweight app" HA! __________________ like the other guy sez: 'not really back, blah-blah-blah...'

02-24-2011, 11:42 AM	#573
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	There's an app for that! __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

02-24-2011, 11:17 PM	#576
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	When the holier-than-thou douchebag tells you to "go fuck yourself," you know you're winning. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

02-26-2011, 01:46 PM	#577
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	I can only guess that in 19 minutes this computer will either self-destruct or there is some kind of ejection system that will sending me flying into the dome of the library if I don't vacate the carrell. Public libraries crack me up. I WILL fix my computer this weekend. Or not. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

02-24-2011, 03:19 PM	#574
kerosene Touring the facilities Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The plains of Colorado Posts: 3,476	That was funny. I actually thought to myself "Hmm...how coincidental that this really convenient app has the same name as shawnee's cat!"

02-24-2011, 03:28 PM	#575
Perry Winkle Esnohplad Semaj Ton Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: A little south of sanity Posts: 2,259	I need a picture of a cat and a recording of annoying cat sounds...

03-04-2011, 07:17 AM	#578
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Oh, I did NOT. Today: I got an email from last night from my best buddy's sister who works at the college where my best buddy and I both used to work. She asked me if I knew "Joe Schmoe" and Joe asked if I were single. It has to be the Joe Schmoe I went to HS with. Too funny. He was really funny, I remember that. Tell him I'm a lesbian on my way to Yemen for an indeterminate amount of time...all top secret stuff. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

03-07-2011, 12:46 PM	#579
jimhelm a beautiful fool Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: 39.939705 Posts: 4,504	our inventory manager scratching his head: In doing a trade with another dealer, you fax the invoices of the cars you're trading to one another. Today, he had a trade fall through. The other dealer wanted him to fax their invoice back to them.... 'OK, but may I ask why?' the response? 'Well, we don't want copies of our invoices floating around out there" __________________ There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool

03-07-2011, 01:40 PM	#580
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	A pair of knickers managed to get caught round the agitator in the washing machine and proceeded to strangle not one, or two, or even three, but ALL FOUR bath towels that were in there. I have no idea how it could have come about -even if I managed to dump the knickers over the agitator when I put the load in (I doubt it). It took me a good 5 minutes to untangle. Now one leg hole and the waist band are stretched so wide my entire family could wear them at the same time I wonder if the tumble drier will restore the elasticity? __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

03-07-2011, 01:41 PM	#581
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	I'm just envisioning this. Funny. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

03-07-2011, 09:31 PM	#583
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	Make sure they fax it on blue paper so you can tell it is a return. __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

03-08-2011, 07:07 PM	#584
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	Today's mild amusement is brought to you by Wacky Students Inc. A reasonably intelligent young lass attended one of my seminars, and hung around afterwards to ask a couple of sensible questions. She was sensibly dressed and wearing glasses. Glasses with chunky white plastic frames. And no lenses whatsoever. Nothing. Her eyesight is fine, she told me. Whatever. Twit. __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

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