I wanna tell you a stoooory...

Out of deference to Sir Hornpiper (eerrr-harumph!); the Flossie Jetsam raised signal flags to the Bacardi. "About that treasure map - maybe we can come to an agreement."

"Its a trap, Capt'n! Don't be taken in by 'em," whispered the pirate, Ibram, into Kit's ear.

Kit thought for a moment. Signal flags were hoisted on the Bacardi. "Send over the Corgi's. Jay McGee will translate."

UT conferred with Sir Reginald. Do you think you can explain this matter to the Corgi's in a way they will understand?"

"Well, If I can communicate with the British government, I don't see why I can't communicate with a Corgi," replied Sir Reginald, somehat irritated by this question of his skills.

UT went over to where the Corgi's were sleeping on the deck, their little paws blissfuly extended up toward the sky, and their tummies starting to turn pink from the sun's bright rays.

"Sir Reginald wants a word with you lads," he whispered. The Corgi's made little corgi noises in their sleep and blissfully slumbered on.

"TREATS!" whispered UT, "but no barking." The word "treats” awoke the corgi's at once. They rolled over and sat up, their fox like ears perked expetantly. MaggieL hurried over to present them all with milk bones.

After the crunching was finished. Sir Reginald adressed the Corgi's. He explained the situation is some detail and finished up with, "Well, lads, that's the problem. Would you mind going over to the Bacardi and explaining what I've said to Jay McGee?”

"We'd love to get off THIS stupid boat,” the alpha Corgi growled softedly. “ We'll do it on the condition that we never have to return to the Flossie Jetsam."

"DONE!" exclaimed Sir Reginald.

Presently, a skiff filled with Corgi’s was launched from the Flossie Jetsam. Bewildered pirates helped the small dogs scramble aboard. T’Pau, Queen of the Universe was NOT pleased.

“Alright” said Jay McGee to the Corgi’s. “First you must swear to take the Pirate’s Oath. If you do that you will become permanent members of the Bacardi’s crew; you will never again be placed in the hold; you can have all the milk bones your little tummies can hold, and a tot of rum everynight.”

“Make that TWO tots of rum,” said the outlaw Corgi, Belle Starr, “and you have a deal!”

“TWO tots it is,” agreed Jay McGee. “You drive a hard bargain, Ms. Starr. Now the oath.”

The Corgi’s swore horribly, one after another in Welsh. Even Jay McGee’s pirate’s ears turned red to hear some of the language they used.

“Aaarh, matey’s. You may be short, but you have true pirate’s hearts. Welcome to the Bacardi cruiser!” The Corgi’s all stuck out their right front paws sideways and Capt’n Kit solemnly shook all ten little paws.

The Corgi’s then explained about the two halves of the treasure map with Jay McGee excitedly translating their soft barks and growls.

“What?” exclaimed Kit. “I got that tattoo one night in the Canary Islands at a barber’s shop when I had a bit too much rum. Always thought the bloke had cheated me, but we had to sail after a prize the next morning, so I let it go. You’re telling me that UT has the missing half?”

All ten corgi muzzles nodded up and down in agreement.

“Well, that’s a fine kettle of fish!” exclaimed Kit. “ I have to coperate with UT to get Blackbeard's treasure?”

The Corgi’s nodded again.

The grammaphone began to play “Strangers in the night.”

[Cyclefrance]

‘We just have to decide one way or the other whose ship we use – we have both at least agreed that we can hardly justify having two of them, so we have to reach a decision somehow…!’ UT and Kit were talking (more like arguing) while bobbing up and down in the small tender boat that they had decided would be suitable neutral territory on which to have their discussions about the ensuing voyage to locate Blackbeard’s treasure.

‘Well,’ said Kit, ‘it’s obvious that the Breezer is far superior in terms of speed and firepower…’

‘Yes, but the Flossie has the better cargo space – and that to my mind is more important than the advantage of speed or firepower…’

The two Captains fell silent once again. They had given numerous reasons why one vessel was better than the other, from crew accommodation to galley facilities, from size of cannon to number and volume of sails, size of anchor, height of crow’s nest - they seemed to have covered almost every conceivable angle, but so far they still hadn’t come to any satisfactory conclusion. And the little boat really wasn’t helping that much – it was hard to think straight when bobbing around all the time, but they’d resorted to using the small boat after having even a worse time trying to communicate across the sea from their respective galleons. It still didn’t seem to be working though….

‘Look,’ UT decided on making one final effort to break the deadlock. ‘The Floss– hang on a minute, are we rising out of the water, or am I imagining things….?’ Both UT and Kit held on to the sides of the little boat as it was lifted clear of the sea and elevated some 15 feet above the water’s surface.

‘What the…!!’

Both captains peered over their respective sides of the little boat. They seemed to be perched on some large strange metal contraption, shaped a bit like a fish, but definitely of man-made construction. It had these two round windows either side of the central bridge (the place they seemed to be situated) – they looked a bit like fish eyes – and running between them down to the bow of the ship was a long barbed expanse of metal, looking like some giant saw. Whatever next?

A small hatch opened on this strange craft, just to the left of where Kit and UT were perched, and out popped a neatly-dressed bearded little man. He moved as if to speak, but Kit stopped him in his tracks:

‘You, you…I’ve seen you before… well, certainly seen a picture of you anyway… you’re….no, don’t tell me… your name’s on then tip of my tongue….’

The little man went to speak again.

‘No, no, hang on a minute… it’ll come to me, I know it will. Don’t tell me, don’t tell me…’

‘All right, I won’t!’ said the little man. And promptly stepped back inside the hatch and closed the lid.

‘Now look what you’ve done.’ Said UT. ‘You didn’t give him a chance…’ UT jumped over the side if the boat and on to the metal deck to which the hatch was attached. He tapped on the hatch with his knuckles.

The hatch opened and the little man popped his head out: ‘May I speak this time?’

‘Of course, I apologise for my…… hmm, friend.’

‘Right, well I’d just like to know who sent that Fark down to attack my vessel, please. I know it must have been one of you…!’

‘ I’ve got it, You’re that Captain Nimble…., no, hang on, not Nimble…, Numbo…, no, that’s not it either… ah, yes now I remember – it’s Nemo. You’re Captain Nemo.

‘Nemo? Not me, I’m not Nemo, oh, no! Nemo? Ha-ha, No, no, no. Not Nemo, not me. I’m No-me’

Well if you’re not you, who are you then?’ Kit’s head was starting to spin.

‘I am me, No-me! Are you some sort of idiot. I know who I am, and Nemo was my cousin by the way, but I don’t see much of him these days, not since he retired. Anyway, you’re avoiding my question, which of you sent down the Far-’

‘Oh, I get it, you’re Nemo’s cousin. So what’s your name then – and I suppose this is the Nautilus.’

‘No, not the Nautilus – it never was the Nautilus – it’s always been the Naughty Lass. That’s the trouble with people, they never listen or pass things on properly. And as I’ve told you already, I’m No-me, Captain No-me – now will you please stop all this nonsense and tell me which of you sent down the Fark, although I think I might have a good idea who it was anyway….’

‘Actually it wasn’t either of us.’ UT decided he ought to take control of the conversation. ‘The Fark was attacking us, and if anyone is to blame for it coming after you then it really has to be Vice Admiral Hornpipe at the secret garrison on Cedros Island. He interfered in our arrangements, in no uncertain terms. The Fark must have taken exception to his instructions and sought you out. I trust he did you no harm. You seem to be in good shape,,,’

‘Nothing 20,000 volts couldn’t sort out. I doubt that I will be seeing him again. It’s just a bit of a nuisance as it takes a while to get the batteries up to strength again.’ No-me seemed to be quietening down a bit.’ If you like you can come on board and have a look at the Naughty Lass – she’s quite something, you know.’

And so they did - and so she was! Compared to their wooden boats she seemed light years ahead – she hardly seemed to fit into their century at all, but then that’s prosaic licence for you. And No-me was a good guide. He showed them all the interesting bits of the Naughty Lass (and I’m sure you won’t need telling in detail what those might be!), and even introduced them to the crew, one of whom, the Navigating Officer, looked remarkably like Elspode (but then there’s always someone who looks like Elspode, isn’t there?)

No-me ushered Kit and UT into his luxurious suite – as they might have guessed, it sported those two large windows that from the outside looked like fish eyes….

‘I can see you are impressed with my fine Lass. And She’s fast as well, both underwater and on the surface - and she has an amazing capacity for cargo, superb accommodation, an excellent galley, unmatched firepower, a large anchor – you name it, she’s got it!. Yet it seems such a waste – to be honest, it’s just so boring wandering around the seas and oceans these days, with nothing more than the odd pirate ship to scupper and the occasional Fark to electrocute…’

‘Are you thinking what I’m thinking…?’ UT whispered quietly in Kit’s ear.

‘I’m well ahead of you this time, UT…’

And so it was that Kit and UT took No-me into their confidence, explaining their mission to find Blackbeard’s treasure. And so it also was, that No-me agreed to accompany them on their adventure, which they would undertake in the Naughty Lass, with crew drawn from the Breezer, the Flossie and the Naughty Lass in equal numbers.

‘A toast, I think is due to seal our great adventure!’ No-me poured three large measures of the best rum and our three captain’s signed their deal as all the best deals are signed – with ample amounts of alcohol!

They all lounged back in the soft leather sofas in No-me’s suite and listened attentively to his amazing stereo system as it chose and played a record at random from the vast selection available, and an appropriate choice it was too: ‘This is the captain of the ship….’

Soon, they would be making their way back to the Caribbean Sea.... and at a phenomenal speed as well, naturally....

[Cyclefrance]

My God - they've been quiet getting on board that sub! Who'd have thought it would take that long? But then, I suppose there were all the crew to sort out, then who had which cabin, the obvious complaints about claustrophobia, and the fact that Lookout 123 had to be trained to stop wanting to go up to the crows nest when they were submerged...

Still, they should be well ready to sail now, and will do my best to recount some more this motley crew's ongoing escapades over the weekend....

[Cyclefrance]

I haven't forgotten - just too many people wanting me to do odd jobs (well one in particular), that I haven't been able to devote the time to do the next entry yet (yes, dear... just coming...)

I have just discovered this ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT thread ! Excellent . Now I understand your earlier sibylline reference to Martinique , Cyclefrance . Do not be swayed . Your literary oeuvre is far more important than odd-jobbing for Mrs Cyclefrance . May I make a request ? Try to incorporate H.M.S. Diamond Rock into the next installment .

instalment, even