Rest easy pops

[DanaC]

I could have done better by him the last few months. I never was much good atthe regular phone calls. I'd remember I hadn;t phoned him for awhile, but realise it was too late at night, then forget again. Weeks or even months might go by. By the same token, he wasn't phoning me :P We were always quite alike in some ways lol.

I had been meaning to phone him this last time for about a month, maybe longer. He knew what I was up to 'cause mum told him. I knew where he was at 'cause mum told me.

I am not bashingmyself or going on a guilt trip. We were what we were with each other. I was distracted and my mind on other things. I do regret not phoning him this last two weeks, after his best friend died. To be honest on that occasion it wasn't my usual lack of thought so much as not knowing what to say, and being unsure around the subject. I don't know (and never will) the nature of their relationship. I don't know if he lost a best friend, or something a little more.

This isn't winding me up or playing overmuch on my mind. I was there at the end and I do believe he heard me. I also regret not visiting on Sunday, when we found out he'd been in hospital for two days. My eczema was (and indeed still is) on the verge of, or at the beginning of, a nasty infection. Given that Dad has had MRSA in the last couple of years, I feared the risk factor and stayed home whilst mum and mart went over.

Again, this isnt a source of guilt. I had good reason for staying back. That I have since weighed the risk differently and made that decision moot, doesn't change that. But I do regret it. Because he was conscious and aware.

This is the thing with his kind of disease. He would go from crisis to crisis with 'well' periods in between. In and out of intensive care. One day we're racing across the Pennines hoping to make it before he slips away and the next he's sitting up in bed chuckling at the cards his grandkids had made and making arrangements for going home.

It breeds a kind of complacency. You know each time it might be The One. But because it never is, you don't fully believe that it ever will be.

At the end of the day, I was there and he knew it. Mart was there and he knew it. Mum was there and he knew it.

[monster]

Dana, glad you were able to be will him. His struggles are over now and you're doing the right thing by remembering him as he was when you had fun together. I'm sorry for your loss.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Just found this thread, A Little late, but please add my condolences to the long list from your friends. Future birthdays will be a little more poignant.

[DanaC]

We're arranging Dad's funeral for next Friday (a little later than might be normal, but there are several people who'd like to make it but wouldn't be able to if it was this week or early next). He's having a humanist service, and will be cremated in an eco-coffin. It's biodegradable thick cardboard which we're having painted with honey bees and hives, grass and flowers and a blue sky. His name will appear across a hive.

I think he'd have liked that. A gardener and a beekeeper is how most of us remember him.

[Elspode]

Well, here I am, massively late to an important thread as usual.

The loss of a parent is probably one of the most significant events in a person's life. At least, it was for me. It doesn't matter how old you ever get, you are always the child of your parents. You will always be the product of their wisdom and their ignorance, their joys and their pains.

I was incredibly fortunate to have had an absolutely wonderful mother. My dad...eh, not so much, but at least he was absent and dismissive instead of present and abusive. So I got lucky even there.

I wasn't able to be at my mother's side when she passed, and for that I will always be sad. I take comfort in the fact that our last hours together were familial and enjoyable as we celebrated her birthday before she left for her lake house, where she passed at the age of 56. I'll always miss her.

Dana, my deepest condolences on the loss of your father. It sounds like you're doing very well in the face of one of life's greatest adversities.

[Aliantha]

Originally Posted by DanaC

We're arranging Dad's funeral for next Friday (a little later than might be normal, but there are several people who'd like to make it but wouldn't be able to if it was this week or early next). He's having a humanist service, and will be cremated in an eco-coffin. It's biodegradable thick cardboard which we're having painted with honey bees and hives, grass and flowers and a blue sky. His name will appear across a hive.

I think he'd have liked that. A gardener and a beekeeper is how most of us remember him.

That sounds beautiful Dana. I don't think we have those sorts of options here. What a wonderful way to show off someone's life.

I'll be thinking of you on the day. Are you doing a eulogy?

[monster]

I love the arrangements, Dana. Very fitting, sensible and beautiful.

[TheMercenary]

My condolences as well. I am sorry I missed this.

[Queen of the Ryche]

I could have done better by him the last few months. I never was much good atthe regular phone calls. I'd remember I hadn;t phoned him for awhile, but realise it was too late at night, then forget again. Weeks or even months might go by. By the same token, he wasn't phoning me :P We were always quite alike in some ways lol.

Wow. Once again, sounds like we had the same kind of relationships with our dads. He wasn't the perfect father - far from it. But I loved him anyway, and still do. Tomorrow is the two year anniversary of when my dad took his own life - Monday would have been his birthday. Here's a piece of cake dad.