The 24 hour engagement. - Page 5

disenchanted · 05-19-2009, 10:25 PM

today's epiphany: If she's not out there somewhere beating herself up trying to sort things out, then there's probably nothing to save.

It's really hard for my engineer's brain to not be actively working to solve a problem, but I'm still giving her her space. I think on friday I might send her a text along the lines of "Let me know when or if you're ready to talk"

Might not be the best idea, but it gives me something concrete as a plan for the time being.

monster · 05-19-2009, 11:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disenchanted

today's epiphany: If she's not out there somewhere beating herself up trying to sort things out, then there's probably nothing to save.

It's really hard for my engineer's brain to not be actively working to solve a problem, but I'm still giving her her space. I think on friday I might send her a text along the lines of "Let me know when or if you're ready to talk"

Might not be the best idea, but it gives me something concrete as a plan for the time being.

Don't text......... jeeze

if she won't talk to you, at least write. Show some labor, some effort.

(also harder to hit "delete" on....)

limey · 05-20-2009, 03:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disenchanted

today's epiphany: If she's not out there somewhere beating herself up trying to sort things out, then there's probably nothing to save.

It's really hard for my engineer's brain to not be actively working to solve a problem, but I'm still giving her her space. I think on friday I might send her a text along the lines of "Let me know when or if you're ready to talk"

Might not be the best idea, but it gives me something concrete as a plan for the time being.

This is good - it does take two to make a relationship, you can't mend it on your own. How you contact her is up to you - it depends on what is usual, or what might make an impression, between the two of you.
Good luck.

DucksNuts · 05-20-2009, 05:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disenchanted

today's epiphany: If she's not out there somewhere beating herself up trying to sort things out, then there's probably nothing to save.

It's really hard for my engineer's brain to not be actively working to solve a problem, but I'm still giving her her space. I think on friday I might send her a text along the lines of "Let me know when or if you're ready to talk"

Might not be the best idea, but it gives me something concrete as a plan for the time being.

I agree with Limey, it does take 2 to mend a relationship and part of me wonders where she has been (head space wise) since the return of your getaway.

Im all for the txt, its a tester of sorts and she will either ignore it (which I think would be a totally low act IMO) or it will start a conversation that needs to happen.

When Friday comes around, I believe you've given her enough time to sort through her thoughts andshe should be willing to open the lines of communication, even if its just with a *I want to talk, but Im not quite ready* type of thing.

Good luck, one day at a time.

05-20-2009, 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DucksNuts

I agree with Limey, it does take 2 to mend a relationship and part of me wonders where she has been (head space wise) since the return of your getaway.

Im all for the txt, its a tester of sorts and she will either ignore it (which I think would be a totally low act IMO) or it will start a conversation that needs to happen.

When Friday comes around, I believe you've given her enough time to sort through her thoughts andshe should be willing to open the lines of communication, even if its just with a *I want to talk, but Im not quite ready* type of thing.

Good luck, one day at a time.

I disagree that it would be "low". If you break it off with someone, and they text you wanting to talk about it, no response is perfectly within the bounds of courtesy. It may not be the response he desires, but she doesn't owe him that any more than my ex owes me repeated painful rehashings of why he doesn't want to be with me.

lumberjim · 05-19-2009, 10:40 PM

"I can't marry you, and we shouldn't see each other anymore."

go out with someone else this weekend

disenchanted · 05-19-2009, 10:58 PM

lumberjim: think what you may, but I didn't just spend months of soul-searching getting to the point I did to say "Oh, right. Shun me. Perfect meaningless fling opportunity for me now. Thanks."

monster · 05-19-2009, 11:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lumberjim

"I can't marry you, and we shouldn't see each other anymore."

go out with someone else this weekend

Quote:

Originally Posted by disenchanted

lumberjim: think what you may, but I didn't just spend months of soul-searching getting to the point I did to say "Oh, right. Shun me. Perfect meaningless fling opportunity for me now. Thanks."

someone else could be a mate rather than a fling....

lumberjim · 05-19-2009, 11:01 PM

i did not say go get a hooker.

i said get some perspective.

whatever.

disenchanted · 05-19-2009, 11:11 PM

A funny thing that seems to be constant in times of relationship distress. There's always somebody ready to tell you you're doing it wrong. (Or maybe I'm just paying closer attention.)

monster · 05-19-2009, 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disenchanted

A funny thing that seems to be constant in times of relationship distress. There's always somebody ready to tell you you're doing it wrong. (Or maybe I'm just paying closer attention.)

sorry, I guess I came off a little harsh there.

lumberjim · 05-19-2009, 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disenchanted

A funny thing that seems to be constant in times of relationship distress. There's always somebody ready to tell you you're doing it wrong. (Or maybe I'm just paying closer attention.)

regardless of what you're talking about, people will tel you you're doing it wrong. it's the flip side of the coin that is...people that ask for advice and then argue with you for your efforts.

in the end, you let the opinions of others run through your filters and keep what feels true, whilst discarding the chaff.

hope it works out well for you in the end, bub.

05-19-2009, 11:11 PM

My advice would be not to jump into dating right away. Give yourself time to mourn.

monster · 05-19-2009, 11:16 PM

..but when diving back in (to that relationship), do take the time to show that you mean it/care.

p.s. fwiw, I'm a wife..... (of 15 years today)

Aliantha · 05-19-2009, 11:20 PM

Congrats monster.

dis, I feel sorry for your situation, but I can't help thinking that if she's wishy washy about the relationship now, she probably always will be.

Send her a note or something, but from where I'm sitting, I'd say you're going to have to consider that maybe you have a lot more invested in this relationship than she does.

05-19-2009, 10:40 PM	#6
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	"I can't marry you, and we shouldn't see each other anymore." go out with someone else this weekend __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

05-19-2009, 11:01 PM	#9
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	i did not say go get a hooker. i said get some perspective. whatever. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

05-19-2009, 11:16 PM	#14
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	..but when diving back in (to that relationship), do take the time to show that you mean it/care. p.s. fwiw, I'm a wife..... (of 15 years today) __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

05-19-2009, 11:20 PM	#15
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Congrats monster. dis, I feel sorry for your situation, but I can't help thinking that if she's wishy washy about the relationship now, she probably always will be. Send her a note or something, but from where I'm sitting, I'd say you're going to have to consider that maybe you have a lot more invested in this relationship than she does. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

05-19-2009, 10:25 PM	#1
disenchanted Resident President Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 81	today's epiphany: If she's not out there somewhere beating herself up trying to sort things out, then there's probably nothing to save. It's really hard for my engineer's brain to not be actively working to solve a problem, but I'm still giving her her space. I think on friday I might send her a text along the lines of "Let me know when or if you're ready to talk" Might not be the best idea, but it gives me something concrete as a plan for the time being.

05-19-2009, 10:58 PM	#7
disenchanted Resident President Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 81	lumberjim: think what you may, but I didn't just spend months of soul-searching getting to the point I did to say "Oh, right. Shun me. Perfect meaningless fling opportunity for me now. Thanks."

05-19-2009, 11:11 PM	#10
disenchanted Resident President Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 81	A funny thing that seems to be constant in times of relationship distress. There's always somebody ready to tell you you're doing it wrong. (Or maybe I'm just paying closer attention.)

05-19-2009, 11:11 PM	#13
Tiki Guest Posts: n/a	My advice would be not to jump into dating right away. Give yourself time to mourn.

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