Is using proper titles in social situations pretentious?

[DanaC]

Somewhat...

[casimendocina]

Originally Posted by HungLikeJesus

The ones I try to avoid are the pretentious titles like reverend, father, supreme being, etc.

I don't see Reverend as pretentious as all. It denotes that someone works for the church, that's all, as far as I can see. Having said that, anyone with that title I think I've called by their first name or Mr+ surname.

[HungLikeJesus]

I think Reverend is pretentious in this sense: "worthy to be revered; entitled to reverence; a feeling or attitude of deep respect tinged with awe;"

[DanaC]

By rights they shouldn't be addressed as reverend. According to the free dictionary :

.
Usage:*Reverend with a surname alone (Reverend Smith), as a term of address (``Yes, Reverend''), or in the salutation of a letter (Dear Rev. Mr Smith) are all generally considered to be wrong usage. Preferred are (the) Reverend John Smith or Reverend Mr Smith and Dear Mr Smith

[infinite monkey]

Originally Posted by DanaC

I hate the fact that I am addressed as Councillor by council workers and so forth. I have trained those I am in regular contact with to call me Dani ;p Unless it's a formal meeting in which case we all use titles, and will refer to each other as Councillor Whatever.

One really bizarre little detail: a lot of the married women councillors adopt the title 'Councillor Mrs XXXX'. Only for the women. There are no 'Councillor Mr Whatevers'

Back in my bartending days, I kidded (vehemently but charmingly, sure) the customers to not call me barmaid. I said "You don't call Dennis barbutler do you? Bartender is good." Being intelligent sorts, they picked right up on that. 'Course, I WAS vehement but charming.

[TheMercenary]

Quite an interesting discussion.

[casimendocina]

Originally Posted by ZenGum

That's Doctor Pretentious-Wanker to you, sir! Of five levels of Academia, the top is professor, then associate professor, then senior lecturer, lecturer, and associate lecturer (me). Maybe 10% of continuing-position acedemics are professors, maybe less.

Going for NZ pronunciation there Dr ZenGum?

[ZenGum]

Hey, too years ago I couldn't spell academic. Now I are one.

[infinite monkey]

You are the epitome of macademia.

[casimendocina]

Originally Posted by ZenGum

Hey, too years ago I couldn't spell academic. Now I are one.

Ssshhhhhhhhhhhhhh, no-one else needs to know.

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by infinite monkey

Back in my bartending days, I kidded (vehemently but charmingly, sure) the customers to not call me barmaid. I said "You don't call Dennis barbutler do you? Bartender is good." Being intelligent sorts, they picked right up on that. 'Course, I WAS vehement but charming.

Is the bar tender here?

[Crimson Ghost]

No, it's kind of tough and chewy...

[Cyber Wolf]

I don't think it's pretentious if at all if someone has earned the certification that conveys the title. If someone is officially a doctor, by degree and training, then there's no reason why they couldn't be or expect to be called doctor.

Both my parents are medical doctors and how they want people to refer to them completely depends on the situation and the person. In a professional setting, such as in the doc's office or in a medical meeting, they introduce themselves as Doctor. In social settings, like a dinner party or at church events or similar, they'll use Mr. and Mrs. If the event or the conversation causes them to mention they're doctors, they will accept either Mr./Mrs. or Dr. from other people... they let them decide. If it's a social function where they're friends with every one or a family function, then first names or familial titles are fine. They don't stress the Dr. title at all, even if everyone knows.

Generally, I call people by how they introduce themselves or are introduced to me. So if a doctor is introduced to me as Mr. Lastname, I call him Mr. Lastname, unless he asks for otherwise. Of course, if the person warrants it, I will instead call him "schmuck".

[jimhelm]

that's MR schmuck to you

[monster]

Originally Posted by Cyber Wolf

I don't think it's pretentious if at all if someone has earned the certification that conveys the title. If someone is officially a doctor, by degree and training, then there's no reason why they couldn't be or expect to be called doctor.

Both my parents are medical doctors and how they want people to refer to them completely depends on the situation and the person. In a professional setting, such as in the doc's office or in a medical meeting, they introduce themselves as Doctor. In social settings, like a dinner party or at church events or similar, they'll use Mr. and Mrs. If the event or the conversation causes them to mention they're doctors, they will accept either Mr./Mrs. or Dr. from other people... they let them decide. If it's a social function where they're friends with every one or a family function, then first names or familial titles are fine. They don't stress the Dr. title at all, even if everyone knows.

Generally, I call people by how they introduce themselves or are introduced to me. So if a doctor is introduced to me as Mr. Lastname, I call him Mr. Lastname, unless he asks for otherwise. Of course, if the person warrants it, I will instead call him "schmuck".

Are you in the US? I suspect a cultural difference here.... in the UK, once you are Dr. It replaces the Mr or Ms completely. That's sort of why I like it -it's genderless. But I notice here there's rarely a space on personal info forms for Dr or other title, as there is on most British forms, and yet there is space for suffixes (e.g. Jr, III etc) which there isn't on British forms, in general.