Goodnight my little wolf

[DanaC]

*smiles* Jackson's a total cutie pie. Not to minimize the antics in anyway I know you've had hair tearing out moments with him lol. But he is totally adorable.

I changed the desktop pic of Pilau on my computer. I used to have the one of him balancing a biscuit on his nose and looking right into the camera with a long suffering expression on his face *grins* Poor lamb, he was willing as long as there was shape biscuit in the offing :p

Instead I have one of him recumbent on the sofa, with his paws lifted a little up because he wants his tummy rubbed. He looks utterly relaxed and happy and sure of his spot. Which is how I want to remember him. Silly I know, but it's nice having him there. And every so often I blow him a kiss like I used to when he was lay on the sofa and I was on my computer.

And that's that. A new year, without my little wolf. But also a new year with a different little wolf to raise at some point. Don't know when. I veer between urgent need and not wanting at all. Ya know how it goes. I never want to replace him. He is irreplacable. But he can't be the dog in my life anymore. It's like I have two separate but connected needs. I 'need' Pilau. And i can't quite get my head around the fact he's gone. But I also 'need' a dog. The first need can't be fulfilled. And it will fade as reality starts to set in and things normalize around me. But the second need I can fulfil.

And I look forward (when I am able) to posting pics of a new puppy. And vids of play sessions....and all that jazz.

[Trilby]

He is your spirit dog (even though you don't believe in that sort of thing let me believe it for you - please???)

[DanaC]

Logically I don't believe it. Emotionally I feel him still here, like he'll never really truly leave. And I like that.

You know the vets give you the ashes. I'm going to let them loose in the valley. Out amongst the heather.

[limey]

Originally Posted by DanaC

...

You know the vets give you the ashes. I'm going to let them loose in the valley. Out amongst the heather.

And I like that. He'll always be there on your walks with you!

[DanaC]

Shaking his head at the puppy's antics and swearing blind he was never that bouncy :P

[limey]

Yup!

[wolf]

Is there a bearded collie rescue group in your area? Rescues are big here in the U.S., and I certainly expect that dog fanciers across the pond are as passionate about supporting their breed and seeing to it that dogs find their forever families!

[DanaC]

There is. But I want a puppy, whose parent/s I can see.

That's not to say I'll never take on a rescue dog. But ya know...I want a pup I can train from the get go, whose only real trauma in life is the first night away from Mom. Pil's training was fraught with tension. J and I fought like buggery over it. And then after that he had to deal with us going into a final breakdown, and all the tensions that creates in a house.

Unsurprisngly, this did not make for a calm, and well trained pooch. much as I adored (and still adore) Pil, he was not an easy dog to work with once we stepped outside the house. I would go so far as to say he was a 'Problem Dog' in some ways. Sweet and biddable indoors, he was a sodpot outside until he was about 11 years old.

I want to do it right this time. Not so I can have a 'better' dog, because that would never be the case. But so I can have a happier dog, with fewer avenues closed to him.


Mum's said she might get an older dog when Dan inevitably follows Pilau. She doesn't want to do the puppy thing again. She's done it with so many now. And ya know, late 60s, not getting any younger, doesn't really want to make a potential 13 year committment. She's considering one of the schemes that rehome veteran dogs whose owners have died. Some of them help with the vet bills, which are a large part of the veteran dog owning experience, and another thing that would worry her otherwise. She's a pensioner. But she's independent. Help with odd unexpected big vet bills is one thing, but she would never let me pay the regular monthly meds bill.

[Sundae]

Our local Cats Protection League offered "Pensioner Cats For Pensioners".
Older, slower cats (compared to kittens) offered to OAPs where the charity paid any vet bills and help was given with specialist food/ litter if needed.

I thought it was a lovely idea.

[DanaC]

It's a brilliant idea. Even a really well-trained and biddable pup is hard work. I mean, there are aspects of havng a puppy that I'm not looking forward to. I have serious doubts that my house will be able to contain an active bearded collie puppy. The energy levels are incredible, and they're big puppies very quickly. I'll have to counter that with lots of little trips outside to run about.

Not much looking forward to the needle sharp puppy teeth either. And the having to be constantly vigilant during the housetraining stages.

Can't say I blame Ma at 67 not wanting all that again. And she'll get the pleasure of helping an older dog enjoy life again after bereavement.

[DanaC]

I'm really missing him today. I want today to be over, but I hate the way his presence fades each day. Maybe tomorrow will be the day I stop feeling like he's still in the house. I'm already starting to. But I don't want to let go really.

Sorry. I'm being maudlin I know. But J is grieving him too, so I don't want to over burden him, though he's been really supportive as has Janet. And Mum is staring down the barrel of this gun herself with Dante -and probably has all sorts of mixed up feelings of loss of Pilau, releif at still having Dan, guilt at being relieved, dread at what's ahead.

[Trilby]

Don't feel bad about feeling bad, Dana.

All neuroses comes from a refusal to suffer.

Somebody once said that. Go ahead and feel sad.

[limey]

WSS

[Big Sarge]

don't rush purchasing a puppy. Give yourself time to grieve for Pilau

[xoxoxoBruce]

If you buy a new puppy every spring, when you next have to say goodbye, you should have at least a dozen more to cheer you up.