please recommend a self help book, therapy, drug... - Page 8

Trilby · 01-24-2005, 03:28 PM

Right, limey, not easy, but definitely worth it. It's weird because NOTHING on the outside has changed, but I can deal with it now. Funny what you can do when you've no choice!

xoxoxoBruce · 01-25-2005, 08:10 PM

Mind over matter. I you don't mind...it don't matter.

justme · 01-27-2005, 06:32 AM

"It's like a script to me! It's not really like socializing, I'm more like a smiling computer."

Stacey,
I've had the same feeling working in the store. I hated working there. "Hi, how're you doing today?...Thank you, have a nice day..." damm it!

staceyv · 01-27-2005, 08:30 AM

Doesn't it suck to have to act fake all day?! I think it must be unhealthy to suppress your emotions and act opposite of how you're feeling. I read an article about that- it supposedly increases anger. Maybe THAT'S why I have road rage!

justme · 01-27-2005, 08:49 AM

Stacey, yes, that sucks!
But as Brianna told you, if you can not change the situation, you better

to change your mind. I started "wearing" my smile and positive work attitude as a dress

It really helped.

Trilby · 01-27-2005, 08:42 AM

Stacey, a book called THE DANCE OF ANGER is pretty enlightening. It helped me a lot. Anger is a self-perpetuating cycle and if you refuse to participate in it, the asshole who pissed you off is left holding the bag! I work with people who are professional button-pushers (at least, they push MY buttons! I need to be more like Wolf!) and I used to react (I could feel my body react, even when I kept my mouth shut!) and the book helped. Somebody who says something crappy to you is just dying for your response--rob them of the response and they are left with the crap feeling they put out there--not you. I hope you're feeling better--you sound better!!

staceyv · 01-27-2005, 11:46 AM

I'll have to get that book the next time I go on a self-help shopping spree on Amazon

When someone hurts my feelings or makes me angry, my tactic is to completely avoid them. I won't look at them and I'll only speak to them if absolutely necassary, very cool and without making eye contact. I went a whole year without talking to my stepfather when I was 16- and we lived together! I went 1 1/2 years without talking to the cook who made me cry, except to say "I need fries on that club, please" and the latest mangirl who upset me, I'm not looking at her either. I just want them to fade away. Yeah, this is probably an unhealthy way to deal with them, but I can't bring myself to like people who hurt/ distress me, and it won't make my life easier if I tell them to f&%$ off every time I see them, either.
Besides, I didn't mention this in my first post, but the mangirl who upset me that day, well I told another girl about it and she could tell I was upset. She must have went to mangirl and told her she should apologize. I heard mangirl say, very loudly "I'm not gonna apologize for something if I'm not sorry!" And yes, I am sure that they were talking about the same situation, because I asked the nice girl, and she admitted that mangirl wasn't sorry and refused to apologize.
ANYWAY, yes, I am feeling better, I guess. I don't know. I have an appointment with a psychtherapist on Feb 7. I would like to see what I can do about my lack of motivation and boredom with life in general. ..But I have no problems that I can think of right now, except for this damn Visa/MC merchant processing sales job that I got myself into, that I don't want to do because it's boring and I hate sales, but I have all these friggin business cards, and I feel obligated, and my husband thinks it's such a good idea...UGH! Other than that, everything's peachy

Beestie · 01-27-2005, 12:09 PM

Quote:

and it won't make my life easier if I tell them to f&%$ off every time I see them, either.

Have you tried beating the ever-loving shit out of them? Sometimes that works.

lookout123 · 01-27-2005, 12:54 PM

that only works for guys Beestie. guys can beat the hell out of someone, then drink a beer with them and tell a few raunchy jokes. women will hate someone, smile directly into their face after a verbal conflict, then harbor a grudge for 3 years after their own death.

xoxoxoBruce · 01-27-2005, 09:20 PM

Quote:

women will hate someone, smile directly into their face after a verbal conflict, then harbor a grudge for 3 years after their own death.

Over any slight, real or *imagined*.

BrianR · 02-03-2005, 05:10 PM

Amen brother!

wolf · 02-04-2005, 12:35 AM

Yes they do.

01-24-2005, 03:28 PM	#1
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Right, limey, not easy, but definitely worth it. It's weird because NOTHING on the outside has changed, but I can deal with it now. Funny what you can do when you've no choice! __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

01-25-2005, 08:10 PM	#2
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Mind over matter. I you don't mind...it don't matter. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

01-27-2005, 08:42 AM	#6
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Stacey, a book called THE DANCE OF ANGER is pretty enlightening. It helped me a lot. Anger is a self-perpetuating cycle and if you refuse to participate in it, the asshole who pissed you off is left holding the bag! I work with people who are professional button-pushers (at least, they push MY buttons! I need to be more like Wolf!) and I used to react (I could feel my body react, even when I kept my mouth shut!) and the book helped. Somebody who says something crappy to you is just dying for your response--rob them of the response and they are left with the crap feeling they put out there--not you. I hope you're feeling better--you sound better!! __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

01-27-2005, 12:54 PM	#9
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	that only works for guys Beestie. guys can beat the hell out of someone, then drink a beer with them and tell a few raunchy jokes. women will hate someone, smile directly into their face after a verbal conflict, then harbor a grudge for 3 years after their own death. __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

02-04-2005, 12:35 AM	#12
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Yes they do. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

01-27-2005, 06:32 AM	#3
justme Belt Conveyor Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: USA Posts: 66	"It's like a script to me! It's not really like socializing, I'm more like a smiling computer." Stacey, I've had the same feeling working in the store. I hated working there. "Hi, how're you doing today?...Thank you, have a nice day..." damm it!

01-27-2005, 08:30 AM	#4
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	Doesn't it suck to have to act fake all day?! I think it must be unhealthy to suppress your emotions and act opposite of how you're feeling. I read an article about that- it supposedly increases anger. Maybe THAT'S why I have road rage!

01-27-2005, 08:49 AM	#5
justme Belt Conveyor Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: USA Posts: 66	Stacey, yes, that sucks! But as Brianna told you, if you can not change the situation, you better to change your mind. I started "wearing" my smile and positive work attitude as a dress It really helped.

01-27-2005, 11:46 AM	#7
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	I'll have to get that book the next time I go on a self-help shopping spree on Amazon When someone hurts my feelings or makes me angry, my tactic is to completely avoid them. I won't look at them and I'll only speak to them if absolutely necassary, very cool and without making eye contact. I went a whole year without talking to my stepfather when I was 16- and we lived together! I went 1 1/2 years without talking to the cook who made me cry, except to say "I need fries on that club, please" and the latest mangirl who upset me, I'm not looking at her either. I just want them to fade away. Yeah, this is probably an unhealthy way to deal with them, but I can't bring myself to like people who hurt/ distress me, and it won't make my life easier if I tell them to f&%$ off every time I see them, either. Besides, I didn't mention this in my first post, but the mangirl who upset me that day, well I told another girl about it and she could tell I was upset. She must have went to mangirl and told her she should apologize. I heard mangirl say, very loudly "I'm not gonna apologize for something if I'm not sorry!" And yes, I am sure that they were talking about the same situation, because I asked the nice girl, and she admitted that mangirl wasn't sorry and refused to apologize. ANYWAY, yes, I am feeling better, I guess. I don't know. I have an appointment with a psychtherapist on Feb 7. I would like to see what I can do about my lack of motivation and boredom with life in general. ..But I have no problems that I can think of right now, except for this damn Visa/MC merchant processing sales job that I got myself into, that I don't want to do because it's boring and I hate sales, but I have all these friggin business cards, and I feel obligated, and my husband thinks it's such a good idea...UGH! Other than that, everything's peachy

02-03-2005, 05:10 PM	#11
BrianR Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 3,338	Amen brother!

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