Corrupted Wish

[Tonchi]

Originally Posted by Elspode

I wish that my junk would haul itself to the landfill tomorrow morning.

It does! And that includes all your junk mail, which ends up in the landfill without you ever having to touch it. Unfortunately, included in the load were reminders carrying your Social Security number, bank account number, and the PIN to your ATM card. The bonanza is discovered by garbage pickers hired by the Russian Mafia to winnow for such info and you will be receiving statements confirming "your" purchases all over the world by next month.


I wish I owned a Jaguar convertible instead of a Saturn coupe.

[dar512]

Your wish is granted. Your new convertible .. is chock full of jaguars .. who are ripping through the ragtop. Hmmm. I wonder if you can make to the house in time?

I wish everyone would treat each other with respect.

[BigV]

wrong thread.


Oh, ok. Everyone respects each other, and for good reason, since the shoot first ask questions later expanded castle doctrine he's in my space and I *don't* have to yield state of affairs in FL has been expanded nationwide as Jeb Bush's first act as POTUS. (How many of these dang bushes are there anyway?!). Since *everybody's* packin heat, respect is rampant in the country. Unfortunately no one wants to brave the streets and our economy atrophies from fear, I mean respect. Now we have to teach those squirrels and feral cats a thing or two about "respect" to put meat on the table.

I wish I knew at 21 what I know now.

[wolf]

At the age of 21 you suddenly become full of adult knowledge, and grasp the reality of the human condition for the first time. However, since your brain is not actually done forming, your neurons overload, smoke pours out of your ears, nose, and eyesockets and you become a gibbering idiot. However, you find that with your newfound insight you are vastly more appreciative of the softness of the walls in Wolf's Palace o' Loonacity.

I wish that I had the body of a Goddess other than the Venus of Willendorf.

[zippyt]

Poof you are the venus demilo , all stone and no arms

I wish i didn't have to work this sunday

[wolf]

You go to your boss and tell him you can't work on sunday because you have to remember the sabbath day and keep it holy. Because you know he checks up on you, you head off to church for the first time in years, going to the nearest church in your neighborhood. They are a small, but welcoming sect of Snake Handlers. They insist that you handle the snakes as on your first visit you are surely especially blessed by God. God knows what the snake handler pastor does not, that you are just there to avoid working on a Sunday and you are bitten by a record 6 snakes. Just before you lose all sensation in your body and void your bowels, you realize that your workload for today would have involved addressing and mailing an envelope full of completed reports to the corporate office.

I wish all of my debt was paid off.

[Beestie]

Originally Posted by wolf

I wish all of my debt was paid off.

As you unlock your office door to begin what was expected to be a routine shift, you are startled to see Vito, Big Dom and Rocco the Blade lounging in and about your office - Rocco holding your cactus plant precariously close to the window ledge expressing his deep concern for its welfare while Big Dom calmly peruses heretofore unseen photos of Forks past taken from unknown vantage points.

Vito calmly explains that your financial obligations have been "taken care of." Vito continues to explain that there's a certain patient whose testimony will be exceptionally detrimental to the defense of a certain individual in an upcoming trial....

I wish I had the athletic ability of Lance Armstrong.

[zippyt]

You get this cryptic letter from a lawyer about an inhertance from this ex-crasy preson that you helped lead down the streight and narrow , said nut gets their shit togather , goes on their med , goes to school , becomes a DOT.Com millionair , has a reaction from the meds , sues the drug company for billions , WINS , dies , leaves you EVERYthing , you pay off your debt , buy all the shooty toys you could ever imagen , big house in the country with built in ranges , rally track , etc,,, then the feds break down your door and seize EVERYTHING , put you in jail for some trumped up charges , you bug out , and find out what the rubber room feels like from the inside ,
rember NO DEBT

I used to work with a guy that was a babtist minister in the way back wilds of TN , he told me that every now and then he would have parishniers come up to him and say " Brother *** , God is telling me to handle snakes "

I wish my camping truck would start and keep running !!!

[zippyt]

poof you can do what lance does , but strangley , you all ways seem to veer to the right , then you notice why , you gave your left nut to be like Lance ( I have NO idea which nut he lost )

I wish the folks down the way would STOP burning brush !!!!!!!

[smoothmoniker]

they do, but only long enough to gather up some rubber tires and sulfer logs.


You know how the green lantern can control the color green? I want to be like that, but have complete control over prime numbers.

[Elspode]

You have complete control over prime numbers, but you suddenly realize that you have no earthly idea why you wanted that power. The emptiness of doubt fills you to overflowing, and you sit staring vacantly into space for the rest of your natural life.

I wish I was done cleaning out the garage.

[Beestie]

Originally Posted by Elspode

I wish I was done cleaning out the garage.

The garage is now clean. Damn clean. To celebrate, you head into the kitchen in search of a beer and in the fridge you find not a beer but a transmission, four quarts of oil, a box of finishing nails, some duct tape, spare plumbing parts and, oh, a jar of pickle juice and a packet of duck sauce.

I wish I could think of a wish that can't be corrupted.

[xoxoxoBruce]

You do, you wish the Sun to come up tomorrow. Unfortunately an overnight series of wordwide volcanos pollute the air so badly, nobody can tell.

I wish the Cellar would get linked on slashdot.

[dar512]

That's an easy one. The Cellar is linked on Slashdot and becomes permanently slashdotted.

I wish I could find my glasses.

[smoothmoniker]

is the clutter in your garage broken down neatly into groups of 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11? cuz if so, I can totally take care of that for you ...