E-mail Idiots on Parade

[elSicomoro]

I'm going to start posting some of the witty spam that comes along my way. Feel free to post your own.

--
From: (name)
Tel: (number).

Attn: PRESIDENT / DIRECTOR

CONFIDENTIAL

Dear Sir,

I am (name) the only daughter of late former Director of finance,(name) Sierra-Leone diamond and mining corporation. I must confess my agitation is real, and my words is
my bond, in this proposal. My late father diverted this money meant for purchase of ammunition, for my country, during the peak of disastrous civil war in my country, now he has
deposited the money with (bank and city), where I am
residing under political asylum with my mother (name) and younger brother.

Now the war in my country is over with the help of ECOMOG soldiers, the present government of Sierra Leone has revoked the passport of all officers who served under the former regime and now ask countries to expel such person at the same time freeze their account and confiscate their asset, it is on this note
that I am contacting you, all I needed from you is to furnish me with your bank particulars:

1) Account name
2) Account number
3) Bank address, telephone and fax number
For you to assist me transfer this money in your private bank account, the said amount is (Twenty seven Million Dollars) $27 Million.
I am compensating you with 15 % of the total money amount, now all my hope is banked on you and I really wants to invest this money in your country, were their is stability of Government, political and economic welfare.

Honestly I want you to believe that this transaction is real and never a joke. My late father (name) gave me the photocopies of the certificate of deposit issued to me by (bank) on the date of deposit, for you to be clarify because, I do not expose my self to anybody I see, I believe that you are able to keep this transaction secret for me because this money is
the hope of our life, it is important.

Please call me immediately after you must have gone through my message fill free and make it urgent. That is the reason why I offered you 15 % of the total money amount, and in case of any other necessary expenses you might incur during this transaction.

N.B Try and negotiate for us some profitable blue chip investment opportunities which is risky free which I can invest with this money when it is transferred to your account, personally I am interested in estate management and hotel business, please advise me.

Call me back immediately you receive this message for more explanation.And promisse me my younger brother and our mother to be a father considering our situation and not to betray us.

Thanks and God bless
Best regards

(name) TEL: (number).
NB: my late father used my brother the only son as the beneficiary / next of kin on the day of deposit and also told me I need a foreign assistance of a foreigner with a legitimate bank Account abroad who will stand as co-beneficiary and partner abroad.
--

Sycamore sez: "Look stupid ass, if you're going to send me spam like this, at least learn how to write in decent English."

[elSicomoro]

Wow...two in one night!

--
(name)
Confidential Tel :++ (number)
Confidential Fax:++ (number)
Office Tel ++ (number)
Email Add: (address)

Dear Sir,

STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL & URGENT.

I am (name), a native of Cape Town in South Africa and I am an Executive Accountant with the South Africa Department of Mining & Natural Resources. First and foremost, I apologized using this medium to reach you for a transaction/business of this magnitude, but this is due to confidentiality and prompt access reposed on this medium. Be informed that a member of the South Africa Export Promotion Council (SEPC) who was at the government delegation to your country during a trade exhibition gave your enviable credentials/particulars to me.

I have decided to seek a confidential co-operation with you in the execution of the deal described hereunder for the benefit of all parties and hope you will keep it as a top secret because of the
nature of this transaction. Within the Department of Mining & Natural Resources where I work as an Executive Accountant and with the cooperation of four other top officials, we have in our
possession as overdue payment bills totaling Eighteen Million, Five Hundred Thousand U. S. Dollars (US$18,500,000.00) which we want to transfer abroad with the assistance and
cooperation of a foreign company/individual to receive the said fund on our behalf or a reliable foreign non-company account to receive such funds. More so, we are handicapped in the
circumstances, as the South Africa Civil Service Code of Conduct does not allow us to operate offshore account hence your importance in the whole transaction.

This amount (US$18.5m) represents the balance of the total contract value executed on behalf of my Department by a foreign contracting firm, which we the officials over-invoiced deliberately.
Though the actual contract cost have been paid to the original contractor, leaving the balance in the tune of the said amount which we have in principles gotten approval to remit by Telegraphic Transfer (T.T) to any foreign bank account you will provide by filing in an application through the Justice Ministry here in South Africa for the transfer of rights and privileges of the former contractor to you. I have the authority of my partners involved to propose that should you be willing to assist us in the transaction, your share of the sum will be 30% of the US$18.5 million, 60% for us and 10% for taxation and miscellaneous expenses. The business itself is 100% safe, on your part provided you treat it with utmost secrecy and confidentiality. Also your area of specialization is not a hindra!nce to the successful execution of this transaction.

I have reposed my confidence in you and hope that you will not disappoint me. Endeavor to contact me immediately through my above tel/fax number or my e-mail address (address), whether or not you are interested in this deal. If you are not, it will enable me contact other another Foreign partner with recommendation to carry out this deal. I want to assure you that myself and my partners are in a position to make the payment of this claim
possible provided you can give us a very strong assurance and guarantee that our share will be secured and Please remember to treat this matter as very confidential matter; because we will not comprehend with any form of exposure as we are still in active Government Service and remember once again that time is of the essence in this business.

I wait in anticipation of your fullest co-operation. I am available to entertain any questions concerning the clarity of this transaction.

Yours faithfully,

(name)
--

Sycamore sez: "My enviable credentials? What? And only 10% for taxes...South African taxes must be really low."

[perth]

dammit. i never get good spam. its always 'get a degree' this and 'lose weight now' that. no one ever offers to rob me blind.

~james

[elSicomoro]

Originally posted by perth
dammit. i never get good spam. its always 'get a degree' this and 'lose weight now' that. no one ever offers to rob me blind.

The spam has gotten more interesting since I bought my domain name 6 months ago.

(PLUG: Visit sycamoreland.com today! )

I first got this as a spam fax at my old job in Maryland 2 years ago. The same setup, only the person was from Nigeria.

A couple from the Philadelphia area fell for a similar scam recently.

[Nic Name]

U N I V E R S I T Y . D I P L O M A S .

Do you want for a prosperous future, increased money earning power, and the respect of all?

We can assist with Diplomas from prestigious non-accredited universities based on your present knowledge and life experience.

No required tests, classes, books, or interviews.

Bachelors, masters, MBA, and doctorate (PhD) diplomas available in the field of your choice - that's right, you can become a Doctor, Lawyer or Accountant and receive all the benefits and admiration that comes with it!

No one is turned down!

Confidentiality assured - Change your Life Today!

you can call us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week! (including Sundays and holidays):

1 - 310 - 388 - 6087

[elSicomoro]

I got that one when I worked in Maryland. We called the number one day for fun...IIRC, they tell you to send them $5 for a catalog or something.

[Nic Name]

So, what digree you got?

[elSicomoro]

Originally posted by Nic Name
So, what digree you got?

a batchelers in sikologie wif a miner in soshul werk

[Nic Name]

We are looking for 100 lazy people who want to make lots

of money without working....



We are not looking for people who are self-motivated.



We are not looking for people who join every 'get rich quick'

scheme offered on the Internet.



We are not looking for class presidents, beautiful people,

career builders or even college graduates. We don't even

want union workers or trade school graduates.



We want the laziest people that exist - the men and

women who expect to make money without lifting a

finger.



We want the people who have a hard time getting out

of bed before noon.



We want those of you who think that getting out of bed

to go lay on the couch is an effort that is best not thought

about.



If you meet this criteria, just click HERE and send
us an email. BE SURE TO TYPE IN THE

Subject Line the following words... "I do not want to work".

In fact, if you are so lazy that typing those words in the

Subject Line is too much of an effort, than just type

"work sucks" and we'll get the picture.



Either way, we will be absolutely certain that you are

the kind of person we want to be associated with and

we will make sure that you get the information

to bring you home with us.



In case you haven't figured it out yet, we want the kind

of people who DO NOT take risks. If you are the kind

of person who will consider doing something that's

NOT a 'Sure Thing', then do NOT respond. This is

too easy a way to make money and there's no

challenge in it.



If you can ever find the energy to make it to our website,

you will be able to see the first home business in history

that requires practically no work. NONE. By opting in

and asking for the link to our website, you will be telling

us that you want to make enough money that you can

quit your regular job and sleep all day, not to mention

some serious movie watching - if that's your thing



We are not looking for a commitment from you and we

don't even want your money at this stage.



As a matter of fact, we don't even want to hear from

you if the idea of making lots of money with very little

effort does not interest you. So my friend, this is the

first and last email we will ever send you. Just click

the link below and then go back to daydreaming or

whatever your current hobby is.



However, if nothing else, remember this - to make
money without working for it, just send an email with

the following words in the Subject Line: "I do not want

to work" by clicking on THIS LINK and we will email

you back with a link that gives you information on the

best of both worlds... a way to make money without

having to hardly even work.



Sweet Dreams,



Maxwell



To opt out of our mailing list please click on the

THIS LINK and you will be permanently taken

Off our list.

[Griff]

This little gem is making the rounds again. mmmm somthin fer nothin....






A good friend sent this tome and I wanted to share it with you.

OK this is not an email joke. I am holding a piece of paper in my hand
and re typing this for all of you!!!! It came from a Doctor's office
Harry Alexanderian,M.D. 1010 Susq. Ave. W. Pittston Pa 18643



Do with it what you want.


Here goes. for any of you that want to cut, paste, and forward.



Gerber foods has lost a class action suit. Gerber claimed that their
foods were all natural but they were found to have preservatives. The
class action suites have been settled. This suit entitles every child
in the U.S. that was born between 1985 and 1997 to a $500.00 Savings
Bond. Gerber has no obligation to contact the parents or to send flyers
concerning this matter. If you have paper please get copies and send
them to your church, neighboring churches, relatives and friends. In
order to reserve this savings bond, you must send a copy of your child's
birth certificate and social security card. Make sure you send your
correct mailing address to the address below.

General Foods Distribution
P.O. Box 1602
Minneapolis. Minnesota


If you have questions, you can call:
Eva M. Jefferson
Family Community Specialist
(801) 736-9564

She is a representative from:
Pearl River Valley, Opportunity, Inc.
P.O. Box 1881
Columbia, Mississippi 32429-09564

[elSicomoro]

Did you really retype all that? You da man!

That IS funny though.

[elSicomoro]

A libertarian's dream?

--
Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, John Hancock, Samuel Adams...

These are just a few of the people who signed the original
Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776.

These people changed the world as we know it.

They were the voice of OUR United States Of America.

These are true American HEROES!

What did they stand for?

They were the voice to end the tyranny and excessive taxation of
the British Crown.

America declared it's independence from King George III
because of his excessive taxation and illegal measures he used to
enforce it.

Now, about OUR CURRENT United States of America...

Today, taxation and the illegal measures used to extract it are no
different than back then. In fact, the % of taxation is HIGHER
now than it was on July 4, 1776. That's right! Taxes are now
HIGHER than at the time of the revolution.

So what can you do about it?

LEARN all you can- Gather and research all the FREE information that is available.

There are many ways to reduce or even eliminate your voluntary
income tax. That's right - VOLUNTARY!

Don't believe it? Well, listen to a few experts on the subject:

"Our tax system is based on individual self assessment and
voluntary compliance." - 1975 Internal Revenue Audit Manual, Mortimer Caplin

"Not a nickel of what is collected goes to government services
people expect." - Grace Commission Report to President Reagan, 1984

"Thank you for making this nation's tax system the most
effective system of voluntary compliance in the world." - 1993 Internal Revenue 1040 booklet, Margaret Richardson

"Your income tax is 100% voluntary, your liquor tax is 100%
enforced. Now the situation is as different as day and night."
- Head of IRS Alcohol and Tobacco Division, William Avis

· INDIVIDUAL INCOME TAXES ARE VOLUNTARY!

· LEARN TO LEGALLY UNVOLUNTEER!

· STOP YOUR EMPLOYER FROM WITHHOLDING!

· KEEP 100% OF YOUR PAYCHECK!

· LAWFULLY REFUSE AN IRS AUDIT!

· LAWFULLY EXERCISE YOUR RIGHT TO PRIVACY!

· LEARN THE TRUTH THAT THE GOVERNMENT HAS HIDDEN FROM YOU!

Our goal is to educate you with FACTS and SOLUTIONS to
"Lawfully and Ethically Never Pay Federal Income Tax!"

We have LIVE calls where you can hear Tax Professionals
educate and explain how you DO NOT OWE and ARE NOT
OBLIGATED to pay a penny in Federal Income Tax.

By filling out the contact form, one of our associates will call to
ask a few questions. It will only take about 5 minutes. There are
many different strategies of tax elimination to choose from.
Depending on how you answer the questions, you will be given
the telephone number to access this incredible information.

HELP US HELP YOU BECOME TAX-FREE.

Please give yourself the gift of KNOWLEDGE.

You don't have to sign a Declaration of Independence, just fill
out the form to receive this FREE information. It will change
your life forever!

Tell Me More

After learning more, you just may want to sign a declaration!

Be sure to ask about our reseller program. We are currently
experiencing rapid growth and in search of quality individuals.

[elSicomoro]

These folks have followed me for 3 years in 3 different cities. The e-mail is verbatim.

--
Dear [firstname] [lastname],

We selected your resume posted on Monster.com. We have opportunities in Marketing, Sales and
Management. We are PFS/Citigroup, the largest financial services company in the world with over
1 Trillion dollars in assets. We require no prior experience in our field.

Primerica is a member of Citigroup and offers financial solutions to families like yours and mine. If
you are seeking an exciting career change we would like to talk with you about building a
rewarding business based on helping others to become debt free and financially independent.

Using a diagnostic tool called the Financial Needs Analysis, you will identify financial concerns and
help clients determine how to structure their finances to achieve their goals and dreams.

In addition to helping families, our company is expanding and we are seeking qualified individuals
to join our business. The Primerica business opportunity can work for you full time or part time.
Many people are interested in making a career change. Many others (at least in the beginning) just
want a great extra income opportunity to fulfill a specific need.

When you are in business with Primerica, you have access to the support system of an
entrepreneurs dream! You will work with a company heralded around the globe as a financial
powerhouse and have the support of high-tech, high-touch solutions designed to propel your
business forward.

As part of our national and international expansion efforts, we are conducting corporate overviews
around the world. If there is a mutual interest you will be invited to apply to work with our
company. We would like to invite you to attend one of our next overviews, which will take place
on June 25th, 26th and 29th. Please choose the one that is more convenient for you.

1- Tuesday, June 25th at 7:00 PM
2- Wednesday, June 26th at 12 PM
3- Saturday, June 29th at 1 PM

The Corporate Overviews will take place at the Primerica Financial Services office, One Bala
Plaza (West Tower) Suite 625, Bala Cynwyd, PA 19004. Phone # (610) 668-6388

Please visit our site at www.primerica.com. After reviewing our site thoroughly, feel free to email
us at Citigroup101@aol.com to reserve your seat for one of these exciting career events.

We look forward to meeting with you.

Cordially,

Jon Lavin
Senior National Sales Director (SNSD)
PFS / Citigroup

[Griff]

Originally posted by sycamore
Did you really retype all that? You da man!

Ha, I hope its clear that someone else did me this huge favor of wasting her time re-typing that, wise guy. The first time I saw this it was a fax memo with some really cheesey Gerber graphics that a mom I know was handing out. I've gotten a couple variations of the Afri-scam, I guess its been pretty successful. Yah gotta love the phoney degree game, classic. Don't tell me you guys are still voluntarily submitting to the unconstitutional income tax, who is the sucker here?

[elSicomoro]

Griff, I wasn't sure.

I got this in response to a resume I sent. I hate when automated replies are sent in Word format, b/c I don't have it at home. Luckily, I have it here at work.

There's nothing special about this, except I found the misspelling in it to be funny.

--
June 25, 2002

Thank you for the interest you have expressed in our Client Service Speciallst opening.

We will consider your resume closely. If you are not contacted in the next few weeks your resume will be retained for a six-month period, during this period we will contact you in the event our employment needs extend.

We appreciate your interest in our company and wish you success in your search for a suitable career position.

Sincerely,
Colleen Walls
Director of Human Resources