The more things change ...

[orthodoc]

the more they stay the same.

I mentioned my second son and his difficulties in another thread; essentially he's had many diagnoses, from Asperger's to PDD NOS to early onset bipolar disorder (definitely accurate) to borderline personality disorder, to ... many things. He's also an addict; I've gone through rehab programs with him as his family support member; he's been in legal trouble for drugs in college, had multiple underage drinking charges, and he continues to drink heavily now in spite of major health problems that make it even more dangerous than usual.

My second son can be extremely, egregiously socially inappropriate. Usually with language, but also with stories and conversation inappropriate to the gathering, or just inappropriate anywhere. He makes up a lot of stuff and I think wants to impress people, but leaves them speechless (he's lost numerous jobs over this). This week he'd been very profane in his language, unusually so even for him; and he was drinking heavily. My third son asked if I could speak with son #2 about his language, as a friend was coming for Thanksgiving dinner and bringing her 8 year old brother. The friend and brother are from an extremely conservative culture and my 3rd son knew that if they heard language of the sort my second son was using, she would excuse them both and return home.

I considered it reasonable to ask my second son to watch his language in the context of the rest of us doing so as well, given that we'd be having guests and a child in particular. I was as tactful as I could figure out how to be. However, my second son, while naive and at times unable to grasp social situations, is hyper-sensitive to criticism whether explicit or implied. He took extreme offense and announced that he would return to his apartment and perhaps, maybe, come for dinner but that would be all. He kept his word - left on Thanksgiving day after being sure to find me and tell me that he was going, and why, and then returned just in time for dinner after multiple texts from his father and sister. He didn't speak to me the entire time and left right after dinner without saying goodbye to me (but taking leave of the others). He hasn't been in touch today. I expect I won't see him before I return to WV.

There's nothing I can do about this, I realize. It's in his court. It just hurts that, after so many years, so much difficulty, so many violent episodes ... after going to pick him up from college and finding him skeleton-thin from drugs and utterly hostile, and sitting up nights with him through his withdrawal seizures and panic attacks, and so on ... he still considers me the villain. He really believes I am the cause of all his misfortunes. I will always be the villain.

But this year, with things as they are, I'd hoped for a positive visit. I don't want to be on bad terms. And I'm so sad that, given how things are with my health, he's more interested in taking offense where he can than in spending some time. Next time he's depressed, he'll be in touch and I'll take his call at 3:00 am and offer support.

I'm just sad. Stick a fork in me, I'm done. Except I won't ever be.