Problems w/ in-laws

[spavalica]

I am Bosnian and live and I am engaged to a Bosnian man. So there may be a lot of cultural reasons here. We are not legally married, but engaged and we own a condo together and take our relationship very seriously.

We hardly ever argue over things other than his mother. His mother and I just don’t click. She is very controlling, talks a lot and thinks that she is always right and the smartest. She always wants to tell us and ME what to do and expects us to do so. My fiancé and I have never taken a vacation alone because his family always wants to go. And this is the issue and I am getting tired of it.

We’ve lived together for two years and took vacations 4 times and all four times his mom has to go. I know it’s his mother and I try to respect her and understand, but I just want to have some time alone with my fiancé. Every time I take a vacation, I get more tired than when I stay in US and work (and I get paid for working in the US!). Neighbors are always there for coffees and stuff. So, all I got to do is clean, cook and be there for older people when they arrive. Hardly ever do I go out and have fun and enjoy the vacation. Actually, it is not a vacation! I am not even sure why I call it.

Well, this year the plan is to go to Bosnia again and of course to go with my in-laws again. I just can not do this any more. I want my vacation and I want a real one where I can rest. I told this to my fiancé but he just doesn’t get it. He tells me ‘you don’t have to cook and clean, just say no’, but I don’t want to be mean and I don’t want anyone to talk stuff behind my back. It’s as easy for him to just say don’t do it. Besides, every time I don’t be quiet and say something, she starts crying and makes me look bad. He said he already promised to them that he will go with them and will not change that. And I don’t want to go with them! He said that he will go alone then and will leave me here alone. Then I said I will go, but I will rent my self a car there by myself and won’t have to bag anyone to take me anywhere. When I am sick and tired of listening to her and her friends gossiping, I will ask you to go and if you don’t want to I will go somewhere by myself to relax. Now he gets upset and won’t let me do that.

What I am really mad about is that he won’t listen to me, but I am supposed to listen to him. I can not stop him to go without me, but he wants to stop me to rent a car there by myself. BTW, I will pay my own expenses.

I love him to death, but just can not take this any more. I just can not! I am independent and can go live on my own, but I am just scared to make that move for once and for ever…

Any suggestions would be much appreciated.