Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 57

capnhowdy · 05-18-2006, 08:04 PM

My youngest son returning from a bb gun hunting excursion: " I almost saw a deer!"

thrillhouse · 05-19-2006, 06:37 AM

sent to me by my mom (who has recently retired to Texas)

TEXAS AIR CONTROL TOWER

Dallas ATC: "Saudi Air 911 -- You are cleared to land eastbound on runway 9R."

Saudi Air: "Thank you, Dallas . Acknowledge cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R - Allah be Praised "

Dallas ATC " Iran Air 711 -- You are cleared to land westbound on runway 9R."

Iran Air: "Thank you Dallas ATC. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R. - Allah is Great "

Pause: Static.............

Saudi Air: " DALLAS ATC - DALLAS ATC"
Dallas ATC: "Go ahead Saudi Air 911?"

Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFT FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS. WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE. INSTRUCTIONS PLEASE.

Dallas ATC: Well bless your hearts. Y'all be careful now and tell Allah "hey" for us -- ya hear?

Moral: (DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS ! )

05-19-2006, 06:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by capnhowdy

My youngest son returning from a bb gun hunting excursion: " I almost saw a deer!"

LOL... don't know about the deer where you live, but here in FL you shoot a deer with a BB gun you are likely to learn a lasting lesson.

capnhowdy · 05-19-2006, 01:35 PM

Compared to a Ga. whitetail, Fla. deer appear to be small enough to actually KILL with a BB gun. No offense.

mrnoodle · 05-19-2006, 03:28 PM

Bah. Come to Colorado if you want to see a deer. Those little swamp rats you have down there don't even make a bite.

Shocker · 05-19-2006, 03:38 PM

I shot Bambi's dad

xoxoxoBruce · 05-19-2006, 03:53 PM

I gave Bambi's mom a shot.

capnhowdy · 05-19-2006, 04:16 PM

I don't shoot at deer. They're unarmed.

romuh doog · 05-20-2006, 10:30 AM

I had a stripper named Bambi call my house once at 3:00 in the morning looking for a rebel flag thong salesman.

thrillhouse · 05-20-2006, 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by romuh doog

I had a stripper named Bambi call my house once at 3:00 in the morning looking for a rebel flag thong salesman.

sounds promising as a future springer episode.

Cyclefrance · 05-22-2006, 06:06 AM

Those paintshop boys don't hang about...

Labelled: 'Paul McCartney gets his share of the divorce settlement...'

.

Trilby · 05-22-2006, 06:32 AM

Ooh! CF, that is naughty! I love it!

footfootfoot · 05-22-2006, 09:43 AM

McCartney divorced?

glatt · 05-22-2006, 10:06 AM

What's the matter with you? Are you skipping the gossip and celebrity pages to keep abreast of real news?

I just found out about it myself when I turned on the TV over the weekend, and there were a bunch of talking heads talking about how his $$$$$$ will be split up since he had no pre-nup.

Spexxvet · 05-22-2006, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glatt

What's the matter with you? Are you skipping the gossip and celebrity pages to keep abreast of real news?

I just found out about it myself when I turned on the TV over the weekend, and there were a bunch of talking heads talking about how his $$$$$$ will be split up since he had no pre-nup.

Heh heh - you said breast.

05-18-2006, 08:04 PM	#1
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	My youngest son returning from a bb gun hunting excursion: " I almost saw a deer!" __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

05-19-2006, 06:37 AM	#2
thrillhouse spoonful of bologna Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: salvation holdout central Posts: 333	sent to me by my mom (who has recently retired to Texas) TEXAS AIR CONTROL TOWER Dallas ATC: "Saudi Air 911 -- You are cleared to land eastbound on runway 9R." Saudi Air: "Thank you, Dallas . Acknowledge cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R - Allah be Praised " Dallas ATC " Iran Air 711 -- You are cleared to land westbound on runway 9R." Iran Air: "Thank you Dallas ATC. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R. - Allah is Great " Pause: Static............. Saudi Air: " DALLAS ATC - DALLAS ATC" Dallas ATC: "Go ahead Saudi Air 911?" Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFT FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS. WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE. INSTRUCTIONS PLEASE. Dallas ATC: Well bless your hearts. Y'all be careful now and tell Allah "hey" for us -- ya hear? Moral: (DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS ! ) __________________ i'm drinking stars

05-19-2006, 01:35 PM	#4
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	Compared to a Ga. whitetail, Fla. deer appear to be small enough to actually KILL with a BB gun. No offense. __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

05-19-2006, 03:28 PM	#5
mrnoodle bent Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: under the weather Posts: 2,656	Bah. Come to Colorado if you want to see a deer. Those little swamp rats you have down there don't even make a bite. __________________ Sìn a nall na cuaranan sin. -- Cha mhór is fheairrde thu iad, tha iad coltach ri cat air a dhathadh

05-19-2006, 03:38 PM	#6
Shocker Knight of the Oval-Shaped Conference Table Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Your Mom's house Posts: 378	I shot Bambi's dad __________________ “I live only for posterity. Death is nothing, but to live defeated and without glory is to die everyday." - Napolean Bonaparte

05-19-2006, 03:53 PM	#7
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	I gave Bambi's mom a shot. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

05-19-2006, 04:16 PM	#8
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	I don't shoot at deer. They're unarmed. __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

05-20-2006, 10:30 AM	#9
romuh doog A person with no friends is a. lonely b. friendless c.smelly Join Date: May 2006 Location: Here for now Posts: 69	I had a stripper named Bambi call my house once at 3:00 in the morning looking for a rebel flag thong salesman. __________________ If Washington's teeth were wooden, did Martha have splinters in her...lips?

05-22-2006, 06:06 AM	#11
Cyclefrance Pump my ride! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Deep countryside of Surrey , England Posts: 1,890	Those paintshop boys don't hang about... Labelled: 'Paul McCartney gets his share of the divorce settlement...' . Attached Images __________________ Always sufficient hills - never sufficient gears

05-22-2006, 06:32 AM	#12
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Ooh! CF, that is naughty! I love it! __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

05-22-2006, 09:43 AM	#13
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	McCartney divorced? __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

05-22-2006, 10:06 AM	#14
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	What's the matter with you? Are you skipping the gossip and celebrity pages to keep abreast of real news? I just found out about it myself when I turned on the TV over the weekend, and there were a bunch of talking heads talking about how his $$$$$$ will be split up since he had no pre-nup.

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