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12-07-2017, 05:01 PM | #1 |
I can hear my ears
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 25,571
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10/80/10
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This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan |
12-12-2017, 04:05 PM | #2 |
The Un-Tuckian
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
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Wuzzat, some kinda fertilizer?
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12-12-2017, 04:30 PM | #3 | |
We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
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That bottom one is excellent.
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12-24-2017, 02:02 PM | #4 |
I love it when a plan comes together.
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 9,793
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If Santa Clause drops lumps of coal on North Korea, will it violate UN sanctions?
Santa global positioning status: https://www.noradsanta.org/ |
12-24-2017, 04:51 PM | #5 |
The Un-Tuckian
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
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Yesterday I went to WallyWorld for some last minute stuff. As I'm getting out of GrandCherokee1, a guy and his wife (?) are getting out of their car 2 empty parking spaces away.
The guy takes a couple steps in my direction and says: "Excuse me, sir?" (btw, do ya get used to that 'sir' shit as ya get older? It still fucks with me.) I said "Can I help ya?", expecting him to ask for money, or some Xmassy, scammy-type thing. He says "Boy, I sure hope so. I'll give you a $100 right now if you'll whup my ass so I don't have to go in here (pointing to WallyWorld). I looked at him for a minute and said "Deal. But, you'll have to wait for me to come back out, I'm sure I'll be ready to fight by the time I get outta there." And then I looked the guy up and down right quick, he's 6 feet tall, 250 lbs if he weighs an ounce, and then I said "I might have to section off a piece of ya to whup on, you a pretty good sized old boy." He laughed. I laughed. He's funny, I'm funny, we're all pretty fuckin' funny. Dude's wife came off with the line of the year as far as I'm concerned. She said, without even glancing at the guy: "If you wanted your ass whupped, you shoulda said something before we left the house."
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12-25-2017, 04:05 PM | #6 | |
Junior Master Dwellar
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buckinghamshire UK
Posts: 4,059
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Quote:
A few weeks ago I nipped out for some milk and as I crossed the road to the shop a member of the Ministry of Defence Provost Guard Service was just getting out of his vehicle. (There's a nearby MoD establishment). So, I nod and wish him good morning and receive a 'good morning, sir' in response. That took me by surprise as nobody ever calls me 'sir' unless they are attempting to extract money from me. Proof, I suppose, if proof were needed that decrepitude really has set in.
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Last edited by Carruthers; 12-25-2017 at 04:19 PM. |
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12-24-2017, 08:32 PM | #7 |
I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
12-24-2017, 09:43 PM | #8 |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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That is fucking priceless.
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
12-25-2017, 06:43 PM | #9 |
I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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In 1986ish I worked in high street clothing stores, and any male older than me was "sir" (I was late teens) Same age or younger was "mate". Now they are all "sir" even though I am older than many. But I guess I am trying to extract $$ from you....
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
12-26-2017, 12:06 PM | #10 |
UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 20,012
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I've been called "girlie" in certain clothing shops, even in recent years, and it always throws me for a loop.
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12-28-2017, 09:32 PM | #11 | |
Goon Squad Leader
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Seattle
Posts: 27,063
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glatt predicts the future
Quote:
From 2006 friends.
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Be Just and Fear Not. |
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01-11-2018, 12:43 PM | #13 |
The Un-Tuckian
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
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I feel like running a four-bore, double barrelled shotgun up this day's ass all the way to the collar bone and pulling both triggers. Then, stomp what's left of the skull until flat, and dry. Then, eat this goddamned, motherfucking, son-of-a-bitch of a goddamned day, with hot sauce and shit it over a thousand foot cliff, directly into a coal seam fire, where I hope it burns white hot for the next twelve thousand, nine hundred, eleventy-seven eternities. In the fucking rain.
Yeah, not happy with this day so far. I'm a little miffed.
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01-11-2018, 01:16 PM | #14 | |
Junior Master Dwellar
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buckinghamshire UK
Posts: 4,059
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01-11-2018, 02:20 PM | #15 | ||
We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
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I seem to have spent the last three days dealing almost exclusively with dipshits and wankers. *Imma add to that a short plea to anybody who is willing to listen: If you have a home insurance policy - please read the details provided in your welcome pack, that set out the various aspects of cover included in your policy. And if you chose to keep down your monthly premiums by selecting a big ass excess/copay in the event of a claim, or by not opting to take the additional lines of cover such as Home Emergency cover, or Accidental Damage to contents - please do not shout at me and call me names when I tell you I have to deduct £400 excess from the settlement for your £500 TV, or that I cannot send out an emergency locksmith to your house, or that there is nothing I can do about the giant paint stain on your brand new sofa. I did not select your cover. Other people are paying additional premiums for the cover you decided you wouldn't need, have now discovered rather belatedly that you do need, and are raising merry hell and threatening to go to the Ombudsman because you are not being provided with it. And then when, despite you not having the cover in place, I spend 2 hours liaising with our windows and doors supplier to try and get your non-emergency timescaled appt moved forward - have the decency to thank me for it when I get them to you the next fucking day instead of complaining that I was 'condescending, unsympathetic and didn't understand'. The previous handler just said they were really sorry but there was nothing they could do without the home emergency cover in place - they would have to go through the standard windows and doors repair process. I could have done the same. I didn't - I tried my hardest to get this woman a better solution and fucking succeeded, but she was still pissed off at me.
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Last edited by DanaC; 01-11-2018 at 02:32 PM. |
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