Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 58

footfootfoot · 05-22-2006, 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glatt

What's the matter with you? Are you skipping the gossip and celebrity pages to keep abreast of real news?

I just found out about it myself when I turned on the TV over the weekend, and there were a bunch of talking heads talking about how his $$$$$$ will be split up since he had no pre-nup.

I am slipping, mea culpa mea culpa. I usually have my finger on the pulse of the tawdry world of the rich and famous. I must be working too much.

I'll be seeing my dentist soon so i can get caught up w/ People mag.

Clodfobble · 05-22-2006, 03:24 PM

I actually knew McCartney was getting divorced early on because I saw something on Comedy Central making fun of it. But that aside... I don't get the prosthetic leg joke.

mrnoodle · 05-22-2006, 03:33 PM

i thought his wife was dead. maybe it's her leg?

skysidhe · 05-22-2006, 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrnoodle

i thought his wife was dead. maybe it's her leg?

He was remarried.

Radar · 05-22-2006, 05:20 PM

McCartney married her without a pre-nup! He is screwed. Although I heard someone say his legal team is so good, she doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Undertoad · 05-22-2006, 03:34 PM

Soon-to-be-ex Mrs. Macca was a model, and then had a leg amputated after being in a bad motorcycle accident. She went into anti-landmines advocacy.

Cyclefrance · 05-22-2006, 05:29 PM

Heather Mills (the soon to be ex Mrs McCartney) was actually less than a week away from marrying one Chris Terrill, a freelance photographer (he's actually just produced a documentary on the Royal de Luxe event in London last month - French giant elephant and girl thingy) - she wwent out to meet her sister at Heathrow airport (she was flying in from Greece for the wedding ) and she never came back - just phoned her fiance to say it was never going to happen. She'd met McCartney a few weeks before, he called round to donate £400,000 towards her landmines charity.

She lost her leg as UT said. She is looking for a huge divorce settlement which she says is to further her work with landmines victims. She seems to be a complex character inside who tries to show a simple character on the outside. I guess McCartney can afford it. Chris Terrill wrote a very amusing an informative open letter to Macca in the Sunday Times - worth reading if you can get hold of a copy... probably will be reproduced on the net somewhere, I'll have a look and edit this post if I find it - or else add it as a separate wentry.

Radar · 05-22-2006, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cyclefrance

Heather Mills (the soon to be ex Mrs McCartney) was actually less than a week away from marrying one Chris Terrill, a freelance photographer (he's actually just produced a documentary on the Royal de Luxe event in London last month - French giant elephant and girl thingy) - she wwent out to meet her sister at Heathrow airport (she was flying in from Greece for the wedding ) and she never came back - just phoned her fiance to say it was never going to happen. She'd met McCartney a few weeks before, he called round to donate £400,000 towards her landmines charity.

She lost her leg as UT said. She is looking for a huge divorce settlement which she says is to further her work with landmines victims. She seems to be a complex character inside who tries to show a simple character on the outside. I guess McCartney can afford it. Chris Terrill wrote a very amusing an informative open letter to Macca in the Sunday Times - worth reading if you can get hold of a copy... probably will be reproduced on the net somewhere, I'll have a look and edit this post if I find it - or else add it as a separate wentry.

He can afford it? You must be a woman. No man would say, "Oh, it's just 600 million dollars. He can afford it."

They were married for less than 4 years and she gets 600 million dollars?!? She got to live in mansions, tour the world, eat great food, and sleep with a Beatle. She should be paying him.

thrillhouse · 05-22-2006, 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Radar

He can afford it? You must be a woman. No man would say, "Oh, it's just 600 million dollars. He can afford it."

and you are assuming way too much.

capnhowdy · 05-22-2006, 05:39 PM

First John.... now this.

capnhowdy · 05-22-2006, 05:40 PM

First John.... now this.

capnhowdy · 05-22-2006, 05:42 PM

'scuse me... I think my machine just farted. Maybe time to install the new keyboard.

Shocker · 05-23-2006, 07:44 PM

ok this is the humor thread...so back on topic...

A woman, in her fifties, is at home happily jumping unclothed,
on her bed.

Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any
Idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't
care, what you think. I just came from having a mammogram, and the
doctor says that
Not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old.

The husband replies, "What did he say about your 55-year old
ass?"

"Your name never came up," she replied.

Sun_Sparkz · 05-25-2006, 06:50 AM

CUTE

This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede (100-legged crawler), which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink.

So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?" But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?"

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go

Frank's place and have a drink with me?

A little voice came out of the box...........

"I heard you the first time pal !! Give me a break.........I'm putting my fu**ing shoes on."

dar512 · 05-25-2006, 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sun_Sparkz

"I heard you the first time pal !! Give me a break.........I'm putting my fu**ing shoes on."

A centipede was happy quite,
Until a frog in fun
Said, "Pray, which leg comes after which?"
This raised her mind to such a pitch,
She lay distracted in the ditch
Considering how to run.

05-22-2006, 03:33 PM	#3
mrnoodle bent Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: under the weather Posts: 2,656	i thought his wife was dead. maybe it's her leg? __________________ Sìn a nall na cuaranan sin. -- Cha mhór is fheairrde thu iad, tha iad coltach ri cat air a dhathadh

05-22-2006, 05:20 PM	#5
Radar Constitutional Scholar Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Ocala, FL Posts: 4,006	McCartney married her without a pre-nup! He is screwed. Although I heard someone say his legal team is so good, she doesn't have a leg to stand on. __________________ "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death." - George Carlin

05-22-2006, 05:29 PM	#7
Cyclefrance Pump my ride! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Deep countryside of Surrey , England Posts: 1,890	Heather Mills (the soon to be ex Mrs McCartney) was actually less than a week away from marrying one Chris Terrill, a freelance photographer (he's actually just produced a documentary on the Royal de Luxe event in London last month - French giant elephant and girl thingy) - she wwent out to meet her sister at Heathrow airport (she was flying in from Greece for the wedding ) and she never came back - just phoned her fiance to say it was never going to happen. She'd met McCartney a few weeks before, he called round to donate £400,000 towards her landmines charity. She lost her leg as UT said. She is looking for a huge divorce settlement which she says is to further her work with landmines victims. She seems to be a complex character inside who tries to show a simple character on the outside. I guess McCartney can afford it. Chris Terrill wrote a very amusing an informative open letter to Macca in the Sunday Times - worth reading if you can get hold of a copy... probably will be reproduced on the net somewhere, I'll have a look and edit this post if I find it - or else add it as a separate wentry. __________________ Always sufficient hills - never sufficient gears

05-22-2006, 05:39 PM	#10
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	First John.... now this. __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

05-22-2006, 05:40 PM	#11
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	First John.... now this. __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

05-22-2006, 03:24 PM	#2
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	I actually knew McCartney was getting divorced early on because I saw something on Comedy Central making fun of it. But that aside... I don't get the prosthetic leg joke.

05-22-2006, 03:34 PM	#6
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Soon-to-be-ex Mrs. Macca was a model, and then had a leg amputated after being in a bad motorcycle accident. She went into anti-landmines advocacy.

05-22-2006, 05:42 PM	#12
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	'scuse me... I think my machine just farted. Maybe time to install the new keyboard. __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

05-23-2006, 07:44 PM	#13
Shocker Knight of the Oval-Shaped Conference Table Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Your Mom's house Posts: 378	ok this is the humor thread...so back on topic... A woman, in her fifties, is at home happily jumping unclothed, on her bed. Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any Idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you? The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care, what you think. I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says that Not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old. The husband replies, "What did he say about your 55-year old ass?" "Your name never came up," she replied. __________________ “I live only for posterity. Death is nothing, but to live defeated and without glory is to die everyday." - Napolean Bonaparte

05-25-2006, 06:50 AM	#14
Sun_Sparkz Has Body Temperature Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: I come from a land downunder Posts: 1,105	CUTE This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede (100-legged crawler), which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink. So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?" But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go Frank's place and have a drink with me? A little voice came out of the box........... "I heard you the first time pal !! Give me a break.........I'm putting my fu*ing shoes on." __________________ We'll never be as young as we are right now*

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