What's upsetting you today?

[monster]

SG

(Please note, I'm trying to look at this from your mother's perspective, inorder to maybe help you see another POV and hurt a little less/not get so hurt in the future).


You say you had no intention of muscling in, I'm sure that's true, but seems to me to be exactly what you did, especially "talking her out of making a chicken casserole". and the rest of the prep is I I I I I .... I do a similar meal thing with my friends, I'd be real peed off if some-one took over like that. Granted, I would say so from the start, but I'm probably somewhat more bolshie than your mum.

Ebaying new (to you) tablecloths? Way OTT. If she already feels ashamed of her house and what she has compared to other people, suggesting she needs extra to impress is more likely to reinforce this, rather than allay that fear -especially if you have to buy second hand to do so.

Did she not realise how much her decision/change of plan hurt you? Probably not -it hasn't been a mother-daughter thing up to this point (as in -in all the years she's been doing it, not your relationship as a whole), it's her lunch with her friends. And how is it a mother-daughter thing if you're making all the decisions and doing 90% of the work? Maybe she knows she would feel awful if you did all the work and yet didn't join them for lunch, but she justs wants to have lunch with her friends? So she decided to do it herself, not realising you had pegged it as a mother-daughter thing.

It's clear you love to plan, shop and theme. But maybe you should back off a little on doing it for your mum if it's going to hurt you so much when she rejects it. Remember, she's been living without you for a long time and that your coming "home" for a while was primarily for your benefit rather than hers -that doesn't mean she'ds not loved having you closer, but it does mean that her return to the mother-daughter-same-roof relationsship was somewhat less voluntary than yours.

I can't really help you get over this one, but my suggestion is why not ask the school where you volunteer if they'd be interested in you theming, planning and shopping for some event for them? Maybe a MayDay celebration or a summer sports day? Or a fundraising evening -I bet a Tapas bar would go down a treat there, so all the work you did for this need not go to waste. Or perhaps there is a local residential home who would appreciate a tapas night and would have a small budget to fund it?

Or why not go the whole hog and place an ad offering your services as a Tapas party planner. Maybe self-employment in this direction is the key to your future?

I'm sorry you are hurt, but perhaps your mom is just feeling a little suffocated by your love and attention and doesn't know how to verbalize let alone act on that knowledge.

[Sundae]

I talked to her about it today.
Still trying to talk her round a little.
But she has decided, as I expected.

It really wasn't that she thought I was taking over - at least that's not what she says and it rings true. She just thought it was "too much bother". Again, it's a clash of personalities. She thought I over-planned my trip to Amsterdam, but for me it was an extra five or six months pleasure I milked out of a six day trip!

So the more I made suggestions re what we could do, the more worried she was by it, and the more I tried to reassure her that it wasn't a bother and I'h handle it, the more she felt I was making too much of a meal (!) of it.

So we're doing fajitas, and I'm allowed to do the starter
I'm not going to bombard her with suggestions and ideas this time, so she has no reason to feel overwhelmed.
I'll just keep my head down and do what is most helpful on the day. And if I sneak a few table decorations in, it's not going to hurt, eh?

Am much less consumed by the whole thing today. Sorm in a taco shell. Sorry, and thanks for the replies.

[Cloud]

@ Jinx; unless you have a very well healed and stretchy nostril piercing, nose bones can cause a lot of trauma when removed because of the bulb on the end. If your nose likes it, then fine, but most people nowadays tend to stay away from nose bones.

gold should be fine. If you ordered a stainless or some off brand thing from Amazon, that would not be good.

[jinx]

I was happy with the last bone for 8 years, I guess you missed that part... although jim did make me bleed ripping the ring out with pliers. It's fine now.

I've had many other bits of nose jewelry (was first pierced at Zipperhead, with a gun[gasp!] back in 1990. Nothing is as good as a bone.

[monster]

Cloud it teh authoritay on piercing. RESPECT THAT!

[Carruthers]

What's upsetting me today? Well, since you ask it is the strong possibility of a new high speed railway line being built between London and Birmingham that will pass about a quarter of a mile from this very spot.

Trains are planned to travel at 200+mph and much of the track in the immediate area will be on a flyover or embankment. Very little can be done about noise abatement in these circumstances and trains will pass about every 4.2 minutes. Journey times will be reduced by about twenty minutes. Couldn't people just get up a little earlier?

Apart from anything else, the whole pointless caper will cost about £30 billion. Has nobody told the sanctimonious Transport Minister, Lord Adonis, that the country is stony broke?

We haven't had a Peasants' Revolt here since 1381 so I think it is about time for another.

Carruthers. (Off to sharpen his pitch fork)

[Sundae]

Thing is, Car, I'm on the other side.
Anything that brings down house prices in Bucks is okay by me.

If it means I can rent a place and still live close to the 'rents (not possible at present) I'm all for a little train noise. Have you seen how close the new flats are being built to Aylesbury Station? They'll not only have trains in their living rooms, they'll have annoying announcements they can't make out (well, I never can) in their bedrooms. And they are still out of my price range!

A train to Brimingham every 4.2 minutes? I do question your source, chick. That's less waiting time than on the Piccadilly Line for sure. I doubt there are that many people in the country who need to get to Brum that quickly (yes I know it's a major rail terminal and people would be travelling onwards, I am being facetious).

[DanaC]

One of the problems is that people across the country are clamouring for high speed rail links to London.

I know, because we have been trying to get one over here for several years and my inbox is full of emails from people pushing for it, and trying to get every local politician (down to the lowliest Parish Councillor) to lobby the Transport Minister on their behalf. Our MP receives semi-regular petitions for such a link.

Damned if you do. Damned if you don't. But whatever you do: not in my backyard.


[eta] That sounded a little more harsh than I'd intended carruthers. It does suck if you happen to live just next to the new line. But it has to go somewhere (if you going to have it at all, and there are huge economic arguments for doing so) and someone's house is going to be near. We are not a b ig enough country for this stuff to veer miles away from towns and villages. The only places you could take it to get far enough away from conurbations that it doesn't affect somebody, would put it right into the heart of the Greenbelt, and that would upset even more people. And even then it would have to meet up with the populated areas at some point in its journey.

I sit on a planning committee every three weeks. It's fascinating, but there is a lot of NIMBYism. Everyone wants our country to up its use of renewable energy; but nobody wants a wind turbine within ten miles of their house.

[Trilby]

Headache/SINUS ACHE!!

[Carruthers]

SG and Dani,

Good afternoon to you both.

OK Sundae first.

Have you seen how close the new flats are being built to Aylesbury Station?

Yes, but in that instance the railway was there first and the flats were built, as I'm sure you know, on an old industrial site (Schwarzkopf). Eyebrows were raised, not without good cause, when planning permission was granted for a residential development so close to the railway. That said, the trains that run from Aylesbury to London are humble commuter stock of three or four carriages. The proposed 200+mph trains on HS2 will be 400m long. Admittedly you won't hear them coming; the first indication will be the 'whoosh' from the pressure wave and then the train noise itself.

A train to Brimingham every 4.2 minutes? I do question your source, chick. That's less waiting time than on the Piccadilly Line for sure.

That's fourteen trains an hour, ie seven in each direction or one train movement every 4.2 minutes.

I picked that up from the Bucks Free Press website. LINK

Dani.......

[eta] That sounded a little more harsh than I'd intended carruthers.

Don't worry. I've got broad shoulders. It's my Yorkshire/Viking ancestry that does it you know.

The only places you could take it................ would put it right into the heart of the Greenbelt,

Unfortunately, the proposed route is right through the Metropolitan Green Belt and the Chilterns Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty. Both are statutory designations designed to protect the area.

Have a look at this Google Street View picture.
The line will pass left to right in the middle distance of this view. OK it doesn't have the scenic grandeur of Snowdonia or North Yorkshire, but surely it's worth protecting?

Anyway, just my two penn'orth.

All the best,

Carruthers

[Griff]

That streetview looks like my part of the world.

[Carruthers]

Originally Posted by Griff

That streetview looks like my part of the world.

Whereabouts are you from, Griff? I hope you don't mind me asking.

Carruthers

[Griff]

North-Eastern Pennsylvania (NEPA). We have a lot in the way of green rolling hills and hedgerows.

[Shawnee123]

Is there a bustle in your hedgerow? Don't be alarmed.

[Carruthers]

Thanks for that, Griff.

I'll explore the area on Street View later on and do my best to wear out Google's server.

I wondered if you were going to say Virginia. Friends lived there for a while on an RAF/USAF exchange posting and they said that the scenery was similar to here.

Carruthers