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Old 10-21-2017, 11:53 AM   #1
Token White Guy
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 24,091
The Golden Screw

A long long time ago in a place far from here, a small boy was born in a small town. He lived in a small house with his small mother. His mother thought the boy was perfect. And he was. He had 10 fingers and 10 toes. He was clear eyed and pink. He was like any other new child in every way save one.

The boy had a perfect golden screw in his navel. His mother didn't know why, but as it was her first child, she assumed all small boys had golden screws in their navels. As the years went by, the boy grew. He discovered that no other small boys in the small town had screw heads in their navels. He asked his mother why. His mother did not know. She asked the town doctor, but he did not know either. She asked the Mayor, but the Mayor did not know. They asked everyone in the small town, but no one knew why he had a screw in his navel. Loving her son, and not caring if he was different, she told him to let it be. The boy, alas, could not. It was always there, reminding him. When the boy could not stop wondering, he asked his mother who else he could ask.

She told him that when he was a man, he could go forth and ask folk more wise than her why he had a screw. He could travel the world and find his answer. So the boy grew, and became a man.

One morning, in the Spring, he set out to find out why he had a screw in his navel. He went to see the Physickers of Vint because they were renowned physicians and they knew the body like no one else, and asked them, but they did not know. He went to the Merchants of Shimm because they knew gold so well, and asked them, but they did not know. He went to the King because he was wise, but he did not know. The King told him the wisest man in the world was the King of Modeg, and if anyone might know why hew had a screw in his navel, it would be him. So the boy, who by now had become a man, traveled far to the Kingdom of Modeg and begged an audience with their King.

The King agreed to see the man with the screw in his navel, and invited him to the throne room. The King looked long and hard at the screw head protruding from the man's navel. Gold and bright, it winked and shined.

The King made a slight gesture to his attendant, and the man left to return with a velvet pillow on his hands. On the pillow was a small golden box. Inside the small golden box, there was a small golden screwdriver. The King took the screwdriver and carefully set it in the groove of the screw. He gave one full turn to the left, but nothing happened. He gave another turn. Still nothing. Shaking his shoulders and re-gripping the screwdriver, The Wise King of Modeg gave the screw one final turn, and as he withdrew the screwdriver....

The man's ass fell off.

~found that in a book called The Wise Man's fear by Patrick Rothfuss. I lolled.
oh, no. wait. the opposite of that.

Last edited by lumberjim; 10-21-2017 at 12:18 PM.
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Old 10-21-2017, 07:09 PM   #2
still says videotape
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 23,446
If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you.
- Louis D. Brandeis
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Old 10-21-2017, 09:41 PM   #3
Person who doesn't update the user title
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: La Crosse, WI
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What Griff said.
Annoy the ones that ignore you!!!
I live a blessed life
I Love my Country, I Fear the Government!!!
Heavily medicated for the good of mankind.
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