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09-13-2013, 09:55 AM
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#1 | |
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We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
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Shhh
A work in progress. I've been playing with this one for months. I had in mind a third verse, but then didn't like said third verse, so deleted it.
Am wondering if it actually needs further verses, or works better as a two verse poem. Continuing it seemed to lose the frozen moment feeling I was going for. Anyways. Here it is: Shhh Shhhh... Don’t make a sound, in the night, in the dark, of the early hours. Waiting for noises, to shatter, and resolve themselves. A footfall, or a tried door, or a car in the distance, going anywhere. With starlight above them, they’re travelling, taking in roads like a necklace. Pearls over hillside.
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09-13-2013, 10:16 AM
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#2 |
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Person who doesn't update the user title
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Bottom lands of the Missoula floods
Posts: 6,402
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That's nice
It has the sort of the feeling I get when I see a satellite go over. |
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09-13-2013, 09:57 PM
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#3 |
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I can hear my ears
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 25,571
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Maybe just a diminishing shh triplet to close it?
Possibly repeat the 1st 3 lines
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This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan |
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09-14-2013, 02:55 AM
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#4 | |
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We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
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Thanks
 Lj, that's a good idea. I'll mull it over.
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09-14-2013, 03:42 PM
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#5 |
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I love it when a plan comes together.
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 9,793
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...
With starlight above them, they’re travelling, taking in roads like a necklace. Pearls over hillside, Strands into twilight. Shhhh.... |
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09-14-2013, 04:04 PM
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#6 | |
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We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
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Oh that's lovely!
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09-15-2013, 03:46 AM
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#7 |
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Banned
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Encrypted Into an AmpitheaterWall
Posts: 1,722
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Fairy dust lingers,
Like chicken fingers, Only there is no singer, Cause blind people can't see, So the telling of the forest is nice, But what of the deep blue sea?? Shall we believe that IBM cheated? And the toons got trapped inside, And what of the opponents, On the Red Rabbit line, The Spirit keeps Manifesting, But then declined, Derailed by the force of the storms, And the Super Heated Gulf. Your Guess is as Good as Mine, So I'm ma just lead by example, and live for the future hope of Love, And that would be a true Gift from above. shave and a hair cut to you.... |
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09-15-2013, 07:35 PM
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#8 |
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Banned
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Encrypted Into an AmpitheaterWall
Posts: 1,722
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and the bombs on eight//
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09-16-2013, 10:47 AM
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#9 |
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Banned
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Encrypted Into an AmpitheaterWall
Posts: 1,722
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And I just saw Death Under Armor Sneaking Away...
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09-21-2013, 04:11 AM
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#10 |
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I love it when a plan comes together.
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 9,793
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A poem by sexobon ...
Shhh...
No. You Shhh! |
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09-21-2013, 09:13 PM
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#11 |
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Banned
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Encrypted Into an AmpitheaterWall
Posts: 1,722
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am I aloud to laugh??
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09-21-2013, 09:26 PM
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#12 |
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Person who doesn't update the user title
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Bottom lands of the Missoula floods
Posts: 6,402
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Well played, JBK.
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09-21-2013, 10:19 PM
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I love it when a plan comes together.
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 9,793
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Linear Mode
