Mutual Break Up

freshnesschronic · 04-09-2008, 12:51 AM

Just went through it. It was a bit over due. We just realized, we'd kind of been forcing it for a while, and right now we'd make much better friends than a couple. A relationship is not appropriate right now. But the thing is, I will still see her all the time, and next year we are still going to be active in the club at school we're in, hopefully at the officer position! I know she'll still be my best friend--for a while at least--so I have to move on but keep her in my life as a friend. Just that.

I haven't been single in over three years, and she was my first girlfriend ever! I have no game, I don't know how to be single. Suggestions for: Moving on? Sexual tension? Playing the game? Not getting back together? 20 year old needs help!

Sundae · 04-09-2008, 04:14 AM

You don't need as much help as you think you do Fresh.
You've made a mature and emotionally sensible decision. All you need to do in the immediate future is let the dust settle. This isn't Hollywood, you don't need to finish one relationship and immediately start another.

It might feel peculiar at first, you might end up calling her and get the cold shoulder or she will call you and you won't want to talk, but you'll work it out between you.

In the mean time make time for yourself. Do things she wouldn't have wanted to do. See people perhaps she didn't like to see. And DO THINGS ON YOUR OWN. It's incredibly liberating to have the experience of eating a dinner alone, seeing a movie alone, going to a new place shopping alone. I don't recommend it long term, but if you do it now it won't seem so daunting if you're ever thrown on your own devices again in future.

lumberjim · 04-09-2008, 11:51 AM

if you sit on your left hand until it becomes numb, and use that, holding it backwards, it will feel like someone else is doing it.

Flint · 04-09-2008, 11:53 AM

That's called "The Stranger" ...

lumberjim · 04-09-2008, 11:53 AM

::cries laughing::

classicman · 04-09-2008, 08:59 PM

fukking awesome!

freshnesschronic · 04-09-2008, 11:09 PM

stolen from dave chapelle...

lumberjim · 04-09-2008, 11:16 PM

cuz he's the first guy you heard say that.

elSicomoro · 04-09-2008, 11:33 PM

Just chill, Fresh. If you think you just need a lay in a bit, go for it. Time alone? Cool. Don't make any decisions right away...just be.

elSicomoro · 04-09-2008, 11:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freshnesschronic

stolen from dave chapelle...

...as Lil Jon.

Flint · 04-10-2008, 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freshnesschronic

stolen from dave chapelle...

Just like your cultural identity, yo.

Spectacle · 04-11-2008, 12:15 AM

Don't worry about those two, they are immature fiends who live for forum ridiculing. Quite annoying, to people who enjoy quality posts. Flint's sanity has been questioned here recently too.

Just focus on the things that made you decide to break up. That will be the best way to help you move on. Don't think about getting back together, it will only weaken you emotionally and lead you in a vicious cycle with her. I wouldn't do this "best friend" gig, you need time to be away from her, limited contact. Time for yourself, do the things you want to do, be the person you want to be, not what she wanted you to be. Single life is an amazing world that you have to discover for yourself. Moving on is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself. You guys can become real friends again only if you are truly over her. You owe it to yourself.

skysidhe · 04-12-2008, 09:49 AM

I feel for you fresh.

classicman · 04-13-2008, 12:36 AM

Hang tough.

lumberjim · 04-13-2008, 09:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spectacle

Don't worry about those two, they are immature fiends who live for forum ridiculing. Quite annoying, to people who enjoy quality posts.

oh hey....the judgmental humorless bleeding heart know it all but-in-sky society called.... apparently you've got their attitude, and they want it back.

04-09-2008, 12:51 AM	#1
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	Mutual Break Up Just went through it. It was a bit over due. We just realized, we'd kind of been forcing it for a while, and right now we'd make much better friends than a couple. A relationship is not appropriate right now. But the thing is, I will still see her all the time, and next year we are still going to be active in the club at school we're in, hopefully at the officer position! I know she'll still be my best friend--for a while at least--so I have to move on but keep her in my life as a friend. Just that. I haven't been single in over three years, and she was my first girlfriend ever! I have no game, I don't know how to be single. Suggestions for: Moving on? Sexual tension? Playing the game? Not getting back together? 20 year old needs help!

04-09-2008, 04:14 AM	#2
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	You don't need as much help as you think you do Fresh. You've made a mature and emotionally sensible decision. All you need to do in the immediate future is let the dust settle. This isn't Hollywood, you don't need to finish one relationship and immediately start another. It might feel peculiar at first, you might end up calling her and get the cold shoulder or she will call you and you won't want to talk, but you'll work it out between you. In the mean time make time for yourself. Do things she wouldn't have wanted to do. See people perhaps she didn't like to see. And DO THINGS ON YOUR OWN. It's incredibly liberating to have the experience of eating a dinner alone, seeing a movie alone, going to a new place shopping alone. I don't recommend it long term, but if you do it now it won't seem so daunting if you're ever thrown on your own devices again in future. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

04-09-2008, 11:51 AM	#3
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	if you sit on your left hand until it becomes numb, and use that, holding it backwards, it will feel like someone else is doing it. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

04-09-2008, 11:53 AM	#4
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	That's called "The Stranger" ... __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

04-09-2008, 11:53 AM	#5
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	::cries laughing:: __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

04-09-2008, 08:59 PM	#6
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	fukking awesome! __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

04-09-2008, 11:09 PM	#7
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	stolen from dave chapelle...

04-09-2008, 11:16 PM	#8
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	cuz he's the first guy you heard say that. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

04-09-2008, 11:33 PM	#9
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	Just chill, Fresh. If you think you just need a lay in a bit, go for it. Time alone? Cool. Don't make any decisions right away...just be.

04-11-2008, 12:15 AM	#12
Spectacle Observing the Wine Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 85	Don't worry about those two, they are immature fiends who live for forum ridiculing. Quite annoying, to people who enjoy quality posts. Flint's sanity has been questioned here recently too. Just focus on the things that made you decide to break up. That will be the best way to help you move on. Don't think about getting back together, it will only weaken you emotionally and lead you in a vicious cycle with her. I wouldn't do this "best friend" gig, you need time to be away from her, limited contact. Time for yourself, do the things you want to do, be the person you want to be, not what she wanted you to be. Single life is an amazing world that you have to discover for yourself. Moving on is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself. You guys can become real friends again only if you are truly over her. You owe it to yourself. __________________ I see.

04-12-2008, 09:49 AM	#13
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	I feel for you fresh.

04-13-2008, 12:36 AM	#14
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Hang tough. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

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