I May Need Some Help Here ...

wolf · 12-27-2011, 12:24 PM

I am going to crazynurse's daughter's tonight for a special reason.

To take care of TheLittleMonster.

gothychick has him in one of those home-based daycares, and the "teacher" is taking tomorrow off, and she has nobody to watch TheLittleMonster.

So, having exhausted all possibilities with any actual childcare experience, she scrapes the bottom of the barrel, which falls out, which is where she finds me. "Auntywolf, you'd love to spend the day with TheLittleMonster, wouldn't you?"

Well, yeah. I would. And you did just give me a Playstation3. So, yeah. I'll babysit. What time to you have to leave for work?

"O400."

No shit? I'll stay over so I can sleep through the night and wake up when the kidlet does, okay?

Sure. See you Tuesday.

So, here it is, Tuesday.

I'm going to be leaving in probably about a half-hour, just to miss out on the traffic, and maybe it won't start raining before I get there.

I have watched three different "how to change a diaper" videos. That should be good, right?

And it will be easier than the last time I changed a diaper, which was cloth and involved pins and stuff. That was about 12 years ago, based on my hippie friend's youngest's age.

(note to self, pack rubber gloves)

See, I usually am not trusted by parents to do this until the sprogs are verbal and potty trained.

I may have to check in for advice ... I at least know that I'm supposed to tuck MrWinky down. gothychick mentioned that last night. I really should have asked her to give me some guided instruction before B(aby)-Day.

I figure that my biggest hurdle will be making sure that I remember to set the child safety gate at the top of the stairs.

HungLikeJesus · 12-27-2011, 12:27 PM

Make sure you have lots of duct tape. (It may be apparent that I'm not a parent.)

wolf · 12-27-2011, 12:34 PM

I may text gothygirl and gamingboy questions like "where are the trash can liners and the boning knife" during the day, just to make sure they know that I'm doing the right things for TheLittleMonster.

However, since they already say things like duct tape and dismember with respect to the baby, I doubt it will have the shock effect it would for most parents.

classicman · 12-27-2011, 01:07 PM

Try asking if the garbage disposal works on bones.

Spexxvet · 12-27-2011, 01:16 PM

Roll in flour, then buttermilk, then bread crumbs. Fry at a high heat until golden brown.

monster · 12-27-2011, 03:45 PM

How old is the sproglet?

Gravdigr · 12-27-2011, 04:49 PM

Take your gun.

wolf · 12-27-2011, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by monster

How old is the sproglet?

16 months or thereabouts. He learned to climb over the back of the sofa today. I'm doomed.

zippyt · 12-27-2011, 06:18 PM

Remote controlled shock collar

skysidhe · 12-27-2011, 07:11 PM

humm if his own toys are not amusing, and it sounds like finger-painting might be out,
try bringing out the pots and a ladle.( If he is more precocious than that put his toys in the pot cover with a lid and have him uncover them.) Big boxes are fun too. Picture books and asking questions about shapes, colors and animals. Pushing a ball back and forth is fun and a carefully watched bath with not very much water is fun too. Watch out for those floaties though. The brown ones.

monster · 12-27-2011, 09:22 PM

Oh gawd I don't envy you those diapers. Feed him something to make him a little constipated as soon as he wakes up, then prune juice half an hour before mama comes home......

wolf · 12-28-2011, 10:49 AM

What fresh Hell is this?! TheLittleMonster is full of poop and it is everywhere!

Wardrobe change needed, for him and me. How does something so small have so much poop in it?

classicman · 12-28-2011, 10:52 AM

Bwahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

wolf · 12-28-2011, 11:58 AM

Naptime initiated. Managed another poop diaper change AND got him into jammies.

Griff · 12-28-2011, 12:27 PM

Good luck!

12-27-2011, 12:24 PM	#1
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	I May Need Some Help Here ... I am going to crazynurse's daughter's tonight for a special reason. To take care of TheLittleMonster. gothychick has him in one of those home-based daycares, and the "teacher" is taking tomorrow off, and she has nobody to watch TheLittleMonster. So, having exhausted all possibilities with any actual childcare experience, she scrapes the bottom of the barrel, which falls out, which is where she finds me. "Auntywolf, you'd love to spend the day with TheLittleMonster, wouldn't you?" Well, yeah. I would. And you did just give me a Playstation3. So, yeah. I'll babysit. What time to you have to leave for work? "O400." No shit? I'll stay over so I can sleep through the night and wake up when the kidlet does, okay? Sure. See you Tuesday. So, here it is, Tuesday. I'm going to be leaving in probably about a half-hour, just to miss out on the traffic, and maybe it won't start raining before I get there. I have watched three different "how to change a diaper" videos. That should be good, right? And it will be easier than the last time I changed a diaper, which was cloth and involved pins and stuff. That was about 12 years ago, based on my hippie friend's youngest's age. (note to self, pack rubber gloves) See, I usually am not trusted by parents to do this until the sprogs are verbal and potty trained. I may have to check in for advice ... I at least know that I'm supposed to tuck MrWinky down. gothychick mentioned that last night. I really should have asked her to give me some guided instruction before B(aby)-Day. I figure that my biggest hurdle will be making sure that I remember to set the child safety gate at the top of the stairs. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

12-27-2011, 12:27 PM	#2
HungLikeJesus Only looks like a disaster tourist Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: above 7,000 feet Posts: 7,208	Make sure you have lots of duct tape. (It may be apparent that I'm not a parent.) __________________ Keep Your Bodies Off My Lawn SteveDallas's Random Thread Picker.

12-27-2011, 12:34 PM	#3
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	I may text gothygirl and gamingboy questions like "where are the trash can liners and the boning knife" during the day, just to make sure they know that I'm doing the right things for TheLittleMonster. However, since they already say things like duct tape and dismember with respect to the baby, I doubt it will have the shock effect it would for most parents. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

12-27-2011, 01:07 PM	#4
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Try asking if the garbage disposal works on bones. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

12-27-2011, 01:16 PM	#5
Spexxvet Makes some feel uncomfortable Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 10,346	Roll in flour, then buttermilk, then bread crumbs. Fry at a high heat until golden brown. __________________ "I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce

12-27-2011, 03:45 PM	#6
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	How old is the sproglet? __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

12-27-2011, 04:49 PM	#7
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	Take your gun. __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

12-27-2011, 06:18 PM	#9
zippyt LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arkansas Posts: 7,661	Remote controlled shock collar __________________ "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner

12-27-2011, 07:11 PM	#10
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	humm if his own toys are not amusing, and it sounds like finger-painting might be out, try bringing out the pots and a ladle.( If he is more precocious than that put his toys in the pot cover with a lid and have him uncover them.) Big boxes are fun too. Picture books and asking questions about shapes, colors and animals. Pushing a ball back and forth is fun and a carefully watched bath with not very much water is fun too. Watch out for those floaties though. The brown ones.

12-27-2011, 09:22 PM	#11
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Oh gawd I don't envy you those diapers. Feed him something to make him a little constipated as soon as he wakes up, then prune juice half an hour before mama comes home...... __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

12-28-2011, 10:49 AM	#12
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	What fresh Hell is this?! TheLittleMonster is full of poop and it is everywhere! Wardrobe change needed, for him and me. How does something so small have so much poop in it? __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

12-28-2011, 10:52 AM	#13
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Bwahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

12-28-2011, 11:58 AM	#14
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Naptime initiated. Managed another poop diaper change AND got him into jammies. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

12-28-2011, 12:27 PM	#15
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Good luck! __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

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