Celebrity no-bang list

Undertoad · 01-18-2004, 11:40 AM

The five celebrities generally known for their beauty and/or bangability that you would not bang, ever. Given that none of us would ever make it on to their list anyway. Members of the appropriate sex please, just because it's more interesting that way...

1. Fran Drescher - maybe too obvious, but I admit that I did find her appealing for about 30-40 minutes of her career.

2. Paris Hilton - and Jessica Simpson and all that sector of dim bulbs who seem to be celebrities for no particular reason. I don't need an intellectual in bed, but give me a little something to work with.

3. Janeane Garofalo - I still kinda like her, but she did this pissed-off Crossfire week a while back that really was kinda sad. She was extremely bitter. I'm always sad for comics who turn bitter. I would have to think that if we were in bed, and I mentioned her bush, she'd think I was talking about Bush and then there'd be this inappropriate 5-minute rant which would totally spoil the moment.

4. Ann Coulter - I'm just a little ashamed for having written that rant I wrote earlier about her. Just a little.

5. Geena Davis - for purely practical reasons. She's awesome, sure, but she's like 6'5" or something. I'm just not sure our parts would meet up at the right locations.

vsp · 01-18-2004, 11:59 AM

Ann Coulter has never been known for her bangability. Ann Coulter has been known for spewing out intentionally offensive rhetoric in an attempt to cater to a Dukes-of-Hazzard-was-a-documentary level of audience.

My five:

Paris Hilton: Agreed. I'm not sure exactly what it is that sets her apart from other blonde, slim, mindless little rich girls.

Jennifer Love Hewitt: Bad TV shows, bad movies, bad music. But she has breasts. Ding! All the ingredients for an inexplicable TV superstar.

Laura Ingraham: My version of Tony's Garofalo rationale (the "things would be going well until she spoke" system).

Neve Campbell: Like Hewitt, she has all the acting range of a broken BB gun.

Anna Kournikova: She's not _offensive_ to look at, but c'mon -- every high school in America has half-a-dozen girls that look just like Anna when the world's obsession started with her. I just... don't... get it.

OnyxCougar · 01-18-2004, 12:15 PM

1. Brad Pitt. Yes, he's good looking. Yes, he can act. But he knows it. And that is such a huge turn off to me.

2. George Clooney. Has never been all that good looking to me. Eh.

3. Ricky Martin. Please. I'd snap him like a twig.

elSicomoro · 01-18-2004, 02:15 PM

Ann Coulter: Evil. Pure, unadulterated evil.

Britney Spears: I don't do stupid.

Anna Nicole Smith: See Britney Spears.

wolf · 01-18-2004, 02:45 PM

If I were anything other than straight, I would SOO do Ann Coulter. She's my heroine. (feminine of hero, not common street misspelling of an addictive substance)

no-bangers:

Brad Pitt
Dennis Rodman
Any member of the Osmond Family (they are just freaky)
Any member of the Jackson Family (see Osmond family, above)
That dude from the Highlander Movie ... the french guy. I just don't like his lips.
Ben Affleck (also would not consider twosome with Matt Damon)
Anyone whose IQ hovers around or varies with room temperature.

Beestie · 01-18-2004, 03:23 PM

Jennifer Anniston
Calista Flockhart
Christina Aguilara
Brittany Spears
Ana Kournikova

No "bang" for the buck as they say.

Happy Monkey · 01-18-2004, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by wolf
If I were anything other than straight, I would SOO do Ann Coulter. She's my heroine.

Click, click, click.
Respect decreasing three notches.

russotto · 01-18-2004, 05:39 PM

You guys took most of the obvious ones (Fran Drescher, urr, that voice), so...

1) Pamela Anderson Lee. (OK, this one _IS_ obvious). And throw in Carmen Electra for free.

2) Madonna (#49 on askmen.com, otherwise she wouldn't qualify)

3) Jennifer Lopez

4) Faith Hill (#24 on askmen.com... what were they thinking?)

5) Kelly Ripa. Not really known for her beauty or bangability, but still worth mentioning as a "Hell, NO!"

I would, on the other hand, be willing to comfort Ms. Aniston, Ms. Flockheart, and Ms. Davis after you guys threw them out of bed. And Ms. Campbell as well... who cares whether she can act?

Griff · 01-18-2004, 05:55 PM

Meryl Streep- I have a truly irrational aversion to her.
Glenn Close- looks like Meryl Streep
Mariah Carey- nails on a blackboard
Celine Dion- above plus scarey looking
Sheryl Crowe- gives me the heebie jeebies

Radar · 01-18-2004, 07:20 PM

I'm only going to mention women that others seem to think are hot and which are a mystery to me. No obvious ones like Janet Reno, Oprah, Rosie O'Donnel, etc.

Ann Coulter - Cunt
Jennifer Lopez - Not attractive
Julia Roberts - Not attractive
Carmen Electra - Just knowing she's been with Dennis Rodman makes me want to puke
Pam Anderson - Skank with Hepatitis
Christina Aguilara- Skank
Mariah Carey - Whore and a bitch
Calista Flockhart - Annorexia isn't hot
Lucy Liu - Don't like freckles on Asian women
Liv Tyler - Not attractive
Beyonce Knowles - Bitch, thinks she's god's gift, etc.

The list could go on for days. It's far bigger than the "would do" list.

Lady Sidhe · 01-18-2004, 07:36 PM

As a general rule, the more popular the actor, the less I'm attracted to them. They're generally popular for some shallow reason, such as the fact that they look good (whether they have any talent at all)...

I DON'T like Brad Pitt, and wouldn't bang him if we were the last two people on earth. The species would just have to die out.

I have to agree with the guys as far as Britney Spears (you guys know how I feel about HER) and Pamela Anderson...she's just icky. And Anna Nicole Smith... EWWWW...she gives trailer trash hookers a bad name....

I generally go for things like voice...Nigel Bennett....Armand Assante....I don't think I'd sleep with them, though...I just like listening to them talk.

I've never entertained fantasies about movie stars in the first place, really, but I can definitely make a list of the ones I wouldn't touch with a dead woman's hand....

Sidhe

Elionwyr · 01-19-2004, 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lady Sidhe
...I can definitely make a list of the ones I wouldn't touch with a dead woman's hand....
Sidhe

I may have to steal that...!

I don't have anything catty to say about these guys; they just don't reallly do it for me.

Let's see:

1) Brad Pitt
2) Tom Cruise
3) George Clooney
4) Val Kilmer
5) Ashton Kutchner (not sure if he's considered a stud or not, but...nonono..museum trashing bastard) (ok, so ONE catty comment)

Undertoad · 01-19-2004, 03:39 PM

That reminds me, 6) all scientologists.

Riddil · 01-19-2004, 05:14 PM

Mena Suvari. I still don't know how anyone finds her attractive. I have trouble imagining she's human.

ladysycamore · 01-28-2004, 12:08 PM

Whenever I hear someone going on and on about Eminem, I'm like, "BUT WHYYYYY???" I mean, he's "aiiight" looking, but please! His all around personality sucks all ass and therefore makes him unfuckable in my book.

Plus, if I made him mad, he'd want to write a stupid ass song about how he wants to kill me and shit.

01-18-2004, 11:40 AM	#1
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Celebrity no-bang list The five celebrities generally known for their beauty and/or bangability that you would not bang, ever. Given that none of us would ever make it on to their list anyway. Members of the appropriate sex please, just because it's more interesting that way... 1. Fran Drescher - maybe too obvious, but I admit that I did find her appealing for about 30-40 minutes of her career. 2. Paris Hilton - and Jessica Simpson and all that sector of dim bulbs who seem to be celebrities for no particular reason. I don't need an intellectual in bed, but give me a little something to work with. 3. Janeane Garofalo - I still kinda like her, but she did this pissed-off Crossfire week a while back that really was kinda sad. She was extremely bitter. I'm always sad for comics who turn bitter. I would have to think that if we were in bed, and I mentioned her bush, she'd think I was talking about Bush and then there'd be this inappropriate 5-minute rant which would totally spoil the moment. 4. Ann Coulter - I'm just a little ashamed for having written that rant I wrote earlier about her. Just a little. 5. Geena Davis - for purely practical reasons. She's awesome, sure, but she's like 6'5" or something. I'm just not sure our parts would meet up at the right locations.

01-18-2004, 02:45 PM	#5
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	If I were anything other than straight, I would SOO do Ann Coulter. She's my heroine. (feminine of hero, not common street misspelling of an addictive substance) no-bangers: Brad Pitt Dennis Rodman Any member of the Osmond Family (they are just freaky) Any member of the Jackson Family (see Osmond family, above) That dude from the Highlander Movie ... the french guy. I just don't like his lips. Ben Affleck (also would not consider twosome with Matt Damon) Anyone whose IQ hovers around or varies with room temperature. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

01-18-2004, 03:23 PM	#6
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	Jennifer Anniston Calista Flockhart Christina Aguilara Brittany Spears Ana Kournikova No "bang" for the buck as they say. __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

01-18-2004, 05:55 PM	#9
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Meryl Streep- I have a truly irrational aversion to her. Glenn Close- looks like Meryl Streep Mariah Carey- nails on a blackboard Celine Dion- above plus scarey looking Sheryl Crowe- gives me the heebie jeebies __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

01-18-2004, 07:20 PM	#10
Radar Constitutional Scholar Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Ocala, FL Posts: 4,006	I'm only going to mention women that others seem to think are hot and which are a mystery to me. No obvious ones like Janet Reno, Oprah, Rosie O'Donnel, etc. Ann Coulter - Cunt Jennifer Lopez - Not attractive Julia Roberts - Not attractive Carmen Electra - Just knowing she's been with Dennis Rodman makes me want to puke Pam Anderson - Skank with Hepatitis Christina Aguilara- Skank Mariah Carey - Whore and a bitch Calista Flockhart - Annorexia isn't hot Lucy Liu - Don't like freckles on Asian women Liv Tyler - Not attractive Beyonce Knowles - Bitch, thinks she's god's gift, etc. The list could go on for days. It's far bigger than the "would do" list. __________________ "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death." - George Carlin

01-18-2004, 11:59 AM	#2
vsp Syndrome of a Down Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: West Chester Posts: 1,367	Ann Coulter has never been known for her bangability. Ann Coulter has been known for spewing out intentionally offensive rhetoric in an attempt to cater to a Dukes-of-Hazzard-was-a-documentary level of audience. My five: Paris Hilton: Agreed. I'm not sure exactly what it is that sets her apart from other blonde, slim, mindless little rich girls. Jennifer Love Hewitt: Bad TV shows, bad movies, bad music. But she has breasts. Ding! All the ingredients for an inexplicable TV superstar. Laura Ingraham: My version of Tony's Garofalo rationale (the "things would be going well until she spoke" system). Neve Campbell: Like Hewitt, she has all the acting range of a broken BB gun. Anna Kournikova: She's not _offensive_ to look at, but c'mon -- every high school in America has half-a-dozen girls that look just like Anna when the world's obsession started with her. I just... don't... get it.

01-18-2004, 12:15 PM	#3
OnyxCougar Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Kingdom of Atlantia Posts: 2,979	1. Brad Pitt. Yes, he's good looking. Yes, he can act. But he knows it. And that is such a huge turn off to me. 2. George Clooney. Has never been all that good looking to me. Eh. 3. Ricky Martin. Please. I'd snap him like a twig.

01-18-2004, 02:15 PM	#4
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	Ann Coulter: Evil. Pure, unadulterated evil. Britney Spears: I don't do stupid. Anna Nicole Smith: See Britney Spears.

01-18-2004, 05:39 PM	#8
russotto Professor Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 1,788	You guys took most of the obvious ones (Fran Drescher, urr, that voice), so... 1) Pamela Anderson Lee. (OK, this one _IS_ obvious). And throw in Carmen Electra for free. 2) Madonna (#49 on askmen.com, otherwise she wouldn't qualify) 3) Jennifer Lopez 4) Faith Hill (#24 on askmen.com... what were they thinking?) 5) Kelly Ripa. Not really known for her beauty or bangability, but still worth mentioning as a "Hell, NO!" I would, on the other hand, be willing to comfort Ms. Aniston, Ms. Flockheart, and Ms. Davis after you guys threw them out of bed. And Ms. Campbell as well... who cares whether she can act?

01-18-2004, 07:36 PM	#11
Lady Sidhe That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.... Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Hammond, La. Posts: 978	As a general rule, the more popular the actor, the less I'm attracted to them. They're generally popular for some shallow reason, such as the fact that they look good (whether they have any talent at all)... I DON'T like Brad Pitt, and wouldn't bang him if we were the last two people on earth. The species would just have to die out. I have to agree with the guys as far as Britney Spears (you guys know how I feel about HER) and Pamela Anderson...she's just icky. And Anna Nicole Smith... EWWWW...she gives trailer trash hookers a bad name.... I generally go for things like voice...Nigel Bennett....Armand Assante....I don't think I'd sleep with them, though...I just like listening to them talk. I've never entertained fantasies about movie stars in the first place, really, but I can definitely make a list of the ones I wouldn't touch with a dead woman's hand.... Sidhe __________________ My free will...I never leave home without it. --House Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. -Rita Rudner

01-19-2004, 03:39 PM	#13
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	That reminds me, 6) all scientologists.

01-19-2004, 05:14 PM	#14
Riddil Management Consultant Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 165	Mena Suvari. I still don't know how anyone finds her attractive. I have trouble imagining she's human.

01-28-2004, 12:08 PM	#15
ladysycamore "I may not always be perfect, but I'm always me." Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: In Sycamore's boxers Posts: 1,341	Whenever I hear someone going on and on about Eminem, I'm like, "BUT WHYYYYY???" I mean, he's "aiiight" looking, but please! His all around personality sucks all ass and therefore makes him unfuckable in my book. Plus, if I made him mad, he'd want to write a stupid ass song about how he wants to kill me and shit. __________________ "Freedom is not given. It is our right at birth. But there are some moments when it must be taken." ~Tagline from the movie "Amistad"~ "The Akan concept of Sankofa: In order to move forward we first have to take a step back. In other words, before we can be prepared for the future, we must comprehend the past." From "We Did It, They Hid It"

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