More bad karma. Or something.

[orthodoc]

I did it, I emailed my ex and told him he had to back off and respect the boundaries I've set. Sounds lame, or at least anticlimactic, put like that. But I feel such a lifting of this huge burden, as his hoovering got stronger and stronger and my life seemed to be veering out of my control.

Saw a counselor on the oncology team today who listened for an hour and diagnosed me with PTSD. It's not like I didn't know it already, but ... guess I have the official word now. Whatever, it doesn't change anything. I still wake in the night repeatedly, checking my environment for syringes, paralyzing drugs, pentothal in lethal doses etc. - all the things my ex threatened years ago. He was just being cruel; I know now that it wasn't ever a practical threat. But my body doesn't know that. I still sleep like a prey animal.