More bad karma. Or something.

[orthodoc]

Ahhhh, crap.

I heard from un-friend this afternoon. It wasn't exactly an inspiring message - said he hopes this is beatable and semester-sparing etc. - apologized for being incommunicado, said various aspects of his life had been busy/overwhelming. But says he's my - friend - and let's get together soon, talk soon. Says he values our friendship and mutual regard.

I guess this is how he sees our friendship - pick up and drop whenever, and if your friend gets cancer, it doesn't mean you should get in touch if other things in your life are pressing ...

It would've been simpler if he hadn't emailed.

And there's still my ex and his offers of help that I really can't turn down, in cold practical reality ...

I think the universe is laughing at me

[sexobon]

Originally Posted by orthodoc

... I think the universe is laughing at me

It's just saying "Eh... What's up, doc?"

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by orthodoc

But it's so hard; I've never been so devastated, so vulnerable.

But you've got us for immoral support now.

I'll have to reread my journals and stay mindful of what brought me to this place originally. Right now, his manner has changed tremendously. But I know, if I were the objective person, I'd be shaking my head.

Which proves your smart enough to know the danger.

A complicating factor is that the worst of the abuse was years ago; it settled into more of a neglect/low-grade emotional misery in recent years.

Do you know how horses are broken?

I left because I could not get past the damage the abuse had done to me. He was devastated, although he let me go. I know he still cares about me; but the abuse is something I haven't gotten past.

I still have the deal with that damage. I can't just fall back into old patterns. Maintaining boundaries here will be a huge task. At least he isn't urging me to move back 'home', or suggesting I go back on his insurance, or wanting to re-marry me.

I suspect he will in time, he's smart enough to take it slowly.

Originally Posted by orthodoc

Ahhhh, crap.

I heard from un-friend this afternoon. ~~~ Says he values our friendship and mutual regard.~~~ It would've been simpler if he hadn't emailed.

You're in control, you're the one who decides if he's worth the trouble of making your life more complicated or not.

And there's still my ex and his offers of help that I really can't turn down, in cold practical reality ...

Help is nice. You said he hasn't offered insurance, so it's pick up the cats, go to your appointments because he can make better decisions, and insert himself anywhere he can... respectfully of course.
Well you know what you need, and where you can and can't get it, so you'll have to decide how close you let either of them.

Please be careful, you don't need extra stress right now, and don't forget we're here rooting for you.
Yay Ortho, fuck cancer.