Sprrrruuunnggg!!!

[Elspode]

When I was dating my first wife, I lived at home for the early days of our relationship. ExMrs Elspode was very, um, verbally appreciative in those days, and rather loudly so.

One day, after a particularly enthusiastic response on her part, I went upstairs to pee (no bathroom in my basement bedroom), and my mom looked up at me, and said, "Patrick, you'd better quit screwing that girl down there, or your stepfather is going to be pissed."

As I really had no secrets from my mom, there was no "getting caught" about it, but it was something of a shock to find out that I wasn't being as subtle about things as I had hoped.

As to catching my folks, well, that was an audio-only incident as well. When I was about ten, I suddenly asked my mom if she had bad dreams sometimes. "Why?", she asked me. "Because, I hear you moaning sometimes at night in your room, and it sounds like you're scared or hurt."

Needless to say, I didn't figure that one out until some years later. How was I to know there were noises involved in sex?