Friends of the Opposite Sex

[DucksNuts]

90% of my friends are male, and the girls that I am really really close with are guys-girls, so not the princessy type or the bitchy type....but the type that will sit down the pub, burp, fart and swear (I love my girls!!).

I kinda agree with LJ on the whole. Over the years, the majority of them have tried it on when I have been single or having trouble in a relationship, but there are exceptions.

Anyways, have the guys met?

I'm tipping your partner isnt comfortable with your non sexual friend because you have known him longer and partner dude probably doesnt believe friend dude doesnt want to shag your brains out given the opportunity.

Non sexual dude is a bit pissy because shaggie takes up alot of your time and you probably do the *we did this* and *we are doing that* conversations.

How to handle it?? Dont rub your partners nose in the friendship, but continue the friendship for sure!!! Sometimes with male or female friendships v's relationships.....you have to juggle because both parties dont get on.

Make time for your frienship when your partner isnt around, but dont hide it or he will get suspicious.

He has regreted his non actions of his last visit he said.

How can you say that and also say he doesnt want you sexually? I read that as he is pissed he didnt try and step the friendship up to something more last time he was around?

[skysidhe]

Originally Posted by DucksNuts

Anyways, have the guys met?

Nope but I think it would take some tension away. Not being able to size someone up is the problem I can see. I wish they could meet because they are both funny guys and outgoing.They both are musicians and are people lovers. I can envision me soon becoming a wallflower if they did meet. I am reserved and not so much a lover of all humanity.
[/quote]

Originally Posted by DucksNuts

*we did this* and *we are doing that* conversations.

precicely

Originally Posted by DucksNuts

How to handle it?? Dont rub your partners nose in the friendship,

I am sure that is the problem and didn't utter a word about it today.

Originally Posted by DucksNuts

but continue the friendship for sure!!!

I hold true friends to close to my heart to ever just to let go...especially since I am not breaching any line...unless a loving friendship is a line.

Originally Posted by DucksNuts

How can you say that and also say he doesnt want you sexually? I read that as he is pissed he didnt try and step the friendship up to something more last time he was around?

Exactly
but he told me so when he visited. He is non sexual. (if that makes sense)

Ducks, I think you must be just as easy to get along with in real life too. Thanks...

[xoxoxoBruce]

They both feel you're cheating on them. Don't discount the emotional, it's as least as important as the physical.

[kerosene]

^ Bruce is right ^

But I don't think it has to be viewed as cheating, as long as you are completely open and communicative to both about your intentions. It sounds like you are. Perhaps your partner needs a little time to adjust, through which you will need the big can-o-patience. And by open and communicative, I don't mean necessarily a play by play to ease the fears of your mate. I just mean that if you act as if you have nothing to hide, represent that you will talk about anything if asked, then I think the questions will come, followed by understanding.

I don't think you ought to dump one guy or the other...it doesn't sound like you have the same kind of relationship with the Canadian guy. If you dump your platonic friend, you might later resent the decision and feel that your SO is somewhat to blame, causing problems in the relationship that are somewhat tougher to cope with, IMO. If you dump your SO, you may be missing out on what that relationship could develop into, assuming you get past this and learn from it as a couple.

[CaliforniaMama]

I'm ditto-ing DuckNuts.

I have been through this WAY too many times. The reasons were always a little different, too.

In one sitch the guy thought he wanted to be more, found he didn't want to be more, but didn't want me having other friends, set me up with scumbags so he wouldn't be jealous and flaunted his own conquests in my face. Needless to say, we are no longer friends.

In another sitch, I thought we were friends, I guess he thought more. Hubby came along and we remained friends. Until the friend got married, wife got jealous and bye-bye friend.

Side note on serious relationships: Good friends always fear that a serious relationship will take the friend away and that is not unfounded. When you get serious or get married, all you want to do is be around and include that SO. It makes it hard to have other -good- friends.

So in the latest incarnation in my life, I've been married 17 years and along comes this 24 year old hunk-o-man. I'm completely smitten. He gets along well with ALL of us, so it's okay. My little heart leaps can stay right where they are with no threat and I can be good friends with this guy without threatening hubby.

But, of course, he is jealous because he doesn't get to share the stories and events we do. I feel the same about him and some of the females he works with. They get friendly, I hear the stories and my heart does a whump-thunk.

BUT, I don't share that! I let my heart be a little bit sad and a little bit happy. I'm glad hubby has friends. It is good for him. And I think he sees it the same way with me.

This is a long way into our relationship, though, but it IS possible!

You know, too, rather than jealousy, it could be a protectionist attitude on the part of Friend. He may be concerned that Boyfriend is just not good enough for you!

If Boyfriend is open to it, I would definitely have them meet. But don't expect them to be tight, especially if they are very similar in nature.

And LOVE the fact that you have good friends that care about you!!!!!

[skysidhe]

Originally Posted by CaliforniaMama

And LOVE the fact that you have good friends that care about you!!!!!

I love it too!

and I am sorry to hear your experience was less than pleasant cm.


@ case. I think we are past this. Thank you.

Men that cannot have female friends without wanting to fuck them, regardless of how attractive they may or may not be, are not fully evolved.
You choose how you relate to others.

[welthqa]

Originally Posted by rkzenrage

Men that cannot have female friends without wanting to fuck them, regardless of how attractive they may or may not be, are not fully evolved.
You choose how you relate to others.

You're throwing around words without regard to meaning. If a man does not want to fuck an attractive woman, he is genetically flawed. An evolutionary dead end. The next step in evolution isn't going to be abstention from sex.
Why wouldn't you want to have sex with friends? Shouldn't that be better than having sex with strangers or people you don't get along with?

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

They both feel you're cheating on them. Don't discount the emotional, it's as least as important as the physical.

As far as cheating goes,(and it can go a long way) I've found that women love to talk about the emotional being on par with the physical, but I only seem to get really in trouble for the physical...

No, you took what I wrote out of context.
I stated that he is not evolved if he cannot have a friend that he does not want to fuck.
Read much?

[skysidhe]

Originally Posted by welthqa

You're throwing around words without regard to meaning. If a man does not want to fuck an attractive woman, he is genetically flawed. An evolutionary dead end. The next step in evolution isn't going to be abstention from sex.
Why wouldn't you want to have sex with friends? Shouldn't that be better than having sex with strangers or people you don't get along with?



As far as cheating goes,(and it can go a long way) I've found that women love to talk about the emotional being on par with the physical, but I only seem to get really in trouble for the physical...

Originally Posted by rkzenrage

No, you took what I wrote out of context.
I stated that he is not evolved if he cannot have a friend that he does not want to fuck.
Read much?

These posts are confusing but not to worry. I am easily confused.

I think there are many levels of caring and loving. I think there is alot of room in hearts to care. Being monogamous I keep my body just for one and the one that gets my body gets a tighter deeper commitment. It is just the way I am built.

I know that both women and men can be committed or not regardless of if they have friends of the same sex or not.


ps. I just realized that in one of my first posts i mentioned 'old men'. I was refering to an 80 or 90 year old man I find truly repulsive. Luckily he can only walk with a tilting forward kind of shuffle. I mention this because I actually DO like older men but not THAT old.

[yesman065]

Well skysidhe, that begs the question - How old or how much older than you do you like?

[Aliantha]

As far as cheating goes,(and it can go a long way) I've found that women love to talk about the emotional being on par with the physical, but I only seem to get really in trouble for the physical...

I don't think it makes a difference. Cheating physically or mentally is the same.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by welthqa

As far as cheating goes,(and it can go a long way) I've found that women love to talk about the emotional being on par with the physical, but I only seem to get really in trouble for the physical...

Have your significant other walk into a bar or restaurant and find you chatting with a member of the opposite sex. You'll be in big trouble.

Oh, and welcome to the Cellar, welthqa.

[Madman]

Originally Posted by rkzenrage

Men that cannot have female friends without wanting to fuck them, regardless of how attractive they may or may not be, are not fully evolved.
You choose how you relate to others.

Originally Posted by welthqa

You're throwing around words without regard to meaning. If a man does not want to fuck an attractive woman, he is genetically flawed. An evolutionary dead end. The next step in evolution isn't going to be abstention from sex.
Why wouldn't you want to have sex with friends? Shouldn't that be better than having sex with strangers or people you don't get along with?

It appears I am genetically flawed. Personally, I call it "mature behavior." I have several female friends. I don't want to "fuck" them. They don't want to "do the nasty" with me either. Now, we don't "hang out" together, we don't really "party" together. More of a "professional" relationship rather than a "social" relationship.

Personally, I don't want to "have sex" with my friends. They're my friends.

[yesman065]