My F'd Up Past - and Future Hope - Page 3

Sundae · 09-26-2007, 12:08 PM

Got my debtline pack through yesterday.
Have drafted the letters today, finding all the addresses (I hope) online.

I'm currently debating whether to wait til Monday when I can buy printing paper, stamps and envelopes to post them, or setting up a new email account and mailing them from there.

I think I'm going to go with the letters. It's not procrastination - I really don't have a penny in my purse (gave my last 63p to a young lad who gave me a sob story about needing his busfare home - he did have a broken foot and I figured he was worse off than me - and 63p doesn't buy a lot of hard drugs afer all). My worry is that if I send things by email, I will just ignore the replies. I know me - not very brave.

Whereas post, here at least, has to be opened. HM's beady eye will be on me if I don't.

Had a disagreement with HM last night actually. I came home with a flyer for a Halloween Event at Charlton House and asked if he was interested. The tickets are £10 each, but he didn't know if he'll be around on the day. I said, "I might go anyway" and he told me off, saying it stuck in his craw that I would consider paying £10 to go to something ("it's a lot of money for an event") when only a week ago I was suicidal over my debts.

Which I thought was very unfair (it's £2.50 a week between now and then) and callous, throwing my complete meltdown back in my face. And £10 is not going to make a shred of difference to anyone I owe money to.

But I'm here at his sufferance, so I have to accept his pov on some things. He's annoyed at my irresponsibility I suppose, and I can't argue with that. But if he is working away on that date I'll be sorely tempted... I love Halloween and hauntings and ghost stories!

limey · 09-26-2007, 12:56 PM

Whilst I can see your housemate's point of view, I think prolly the get-out-of-debt thing must be like dieting - if you clamp down too hard you'll just rebel and chuck the whole plan in because it's making you too miserable.
How about planning an "entertainments" budget for yourself (and sticking to it ...) out of which this type of expenditure would naturally be paid?

Cicero · 09-26-2007, 01:01 PM

Will you read my post #17 again so I don't post it again? I might get in more trouble than I'm already in.....

Sundae · 09-26-2007, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by limey

How about planning an "entertainments" budget for yourself (and sticking to it ...) out of which this type of expenditure would naturally be paid?

I think you're right about the diet analogy - I've fallen down on both money & food in the past by getting fed up. Re bugeting, as soon as I have all the details back from my creditors I am going to set up a very strict budget. The honest truth is there will be little to go around, but I'll try to put some aside for entertainment. I figure even a £1 a month in my piggy bank will help.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cicero

Will you read my post #17 again so I don't post it again? I might get in more trouble than I'm already in.....

Don't worry, I have. Of course I'm posting solely from my point of view - I'm sure he'd give it a different spin

I'm just venting, honest. Keeps me sane (thanks for your support though)

Sundae · 10-01-2007, 10:01 AM

Just finished printing off the letters to my creditors. Going to put them in the post when I go to the supermarket later. You can tell today is benefits day right?

I've asked everyone I think I owe money to, to tell me how much I owe them. The next letter will be the bargaining bit, but I have templates for each possible outcome. They will know where I am now, but I have come to terms with that over the last few days.

Once the envelopes leave my fingers, my fate is essentially in other people's hands. Terrifying but liberating. Like being on a rollercoaster.

HungLikeJesus · 10-01-2007, 10:22 AM

SG - you've come a long way in the last two weeks.

Cicero · 10-01-2007, 10:32 AM

SG! Glad to see you being so pro-active! I think you are learning that everything might not be as bad as it seems. I think you will find that the universe might be more merciful than you had "bargained" for. We'll see anyway!

DanaC · 10-01-2007, 11:55 AM

Quote:

They will know where I am now, but I have come to terms with that over the last few days.

Hey Sundae, just keep reminding yourself of this: what's the worst they can do? You're a benefits claimant, which means you are to a large extent protected:P

limey · 10-01-2007, 12:59 PM

Congratulations SG on taking this brave step. Don't forget in your bargaining and arranging things that you need, and I do mean need, an entertainments budget for yourself as well as a food/bills budget. I'm backing you all the way here, this is such a big step in the right direction. WTG gurrrrrrrrrl (yeugh, what a phrase!)!

monster · 10-01-2007, 01:13 PM

Good work, SG.

I have to say, though, (and I'll probably get beaten up for it but....) I agree with your HM -I think 10 quid is a lot of money to spend on entertainment when you're predicting a future budget with only 1 quid a month for that type of expense. Do you really want to blow 10 months IN ADVANCE? Isn't there a cheaper compromise?

.......Also the 63p you gave away. yes it's only a small amount and he probably did need it more that you but...... this is how it mounts up. Here's an old saying for you "Look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves". It's benefit day, but already you're 10.63 down. What percentage is that? 10 quid may not be much to your debtors, but neither is your entire income, so you need to make every saving you can.

Your housemate is housing you, has joined you up the gym because you can't afford it and because you need his help. Trying to look at it from his POV, perhaps his feelings are hurt because you appear to value his help so little. How would you have felt if the kid with 63p then pulled a fiver out of his pocket and bought a pack of ciggies with it?

I'm sorry, I know I'm probably making you feel bad and I don't want to, but all I see is you coming here wanting confirmation that your expenditure is OK. And it isn't -not if you want to get out of debt. Limey is right, you do need to have some fun. But budgets, like diets, have to start now, today, because tomorrow never comes. The problem with last hurrahs is that they never are...

DanaC · 10-01-2007, 02:38 PM

I kind of agree with Monster on the £10 spend. Though I also agree that total abstinence from fun is a bad idea:P

Quote:

.......Also the 63p you gave away. yes it's only a small amount and he probably did need it more that you but...... this is how it mounts up. Here's an old saying for you "Look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves".

There's also the idea of paying it forwards. I think giving that 63p was possibly the 'right' thing to do, for the following reasons: an amount so small that it'd make very little difference to your fortnight nevertheless may have a significant impact on the lad's ability to get his bus (might just have fleeced you but that's always the risk you take :P); generally speakig I have found that people with very little tend to help out other people with very little and overall that can take the sting out of poverty for a lot of people; it makes you feel good and a part of society to help out in some small way when asked by your fellow citizen.

monster · 10-01-2007, 04:36 PM

Oh, i'm not saying it was a bad thing, -sorry, must've phrased it badly -I'm advocating keeping track -not discounting it because it was a good cause. It still had to come from somewhere. I was just using it as a demonstration of how things add up. If you're budgeting to the nearest pound, then 63p is most of a pound. Small amounts like that still have to come from somewhere. By "taking care of the pennies" I meant more knowing where they're all going rather than not spending any at all. Was that clearer or more foggy?

I love pay it forward.

theotherguy · 10-01-2007, 04:37 PM

Great job SG. I am sure you feel more in control with this ball now rolling. Keep it up!

Sundae · 10-02-2007, 04:03 AM

I'm not going to the Halloween event now
Once I calmed down after being told off (I think it was that more than anything) I admitted he was probably right.

But I do stand behind the 63p

If I have less than a pound in my pocket and a week to spend it in, I reserve the right to be extravagant!

Overall I know you are right though Monster. Much as I hate to admit it. I got in this situation by being reckless with my money and I need to learn to treat things more seriously - even on my low budget I should try to save and not just rely on "something coming along". Sigh.

monster · 10-02-2007, 06:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

But I do stand behind the 63p

And I didn't mean to begrudge you that at all. It's harder to write/say stern things to people you like, they don't always come across as intended. But I think we got there in the end.

(probably worth an "unexpected" budget line of a pound, if you can write it in, just be aware of such expenditures

)

09-26-2007, 12:08 PM	#31
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Got my debtline pack through yesterday. Have drafted the letters today, finding all the addresses (I hope) online. I'm currently debating whether to wait til Monday when I can buy printing paper, stamps and envelopes to post them, or setting up a new email account and mailing them from there. I think I'm going to go with the letters. It's not procrastination - I really don't have a penny in my purse (gave my last 63p to a young lad who gave me a sob story about needing his busfare home - he did have a broken foot and I figured he was worse off than me - and 63p doesn't buy a lot of hard drugs afer all). My worry is that if I send things by email, I will just ignore the replies. I know me - not very brave. Whereas post, here at least, has to be opened. HM's beady eye will be on me if I don't. Had a disagreement with HM last night actually. I came home with a flyer for a Halloween Event at Charlton House and asked if he was interested. The tickets are £10 each, but he didn't know if he'll be around on the day. I said, "I might go anyway" and he told me off, saying it stuck in his craw that I would consider paying £10 to go to something ("it's a lot of money for an event") when only a week ago I was suicidal over my debts. Which I thought was very unfair (it's £2.50 a week between now and then) and callous, throwing my complete meltdown back in my face. And £10 is not going to make a shred of difference to anyone I owe money to. But I'm here at his sufferance, so I have to accept his pov on some things. He's annoyed at my irresponsibility I suppose, and I can't argue with that. But if he is working away on that date I'll be sorely tempted... I love Halloween and hauntings and ghost stories! __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

09-26-2007, 12:56 PM	#32
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	Whilst I can see your housemate's point of view, I think prolly the get-out-of-debt thing must be like dieting - if you clamp down too hard you'll just rebel and chuck the whole plan in because it's making you too miserable. How about planning an "entertainments" budget for yourself (and sticking to it ...) out of which this type of expenditure would naturally be paid? __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

09-26-2007, 01:01 PM	#33
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	Will you read my post #17 again so I don't post it again? I might get in more trouble than I'm already in..... __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung

10-01-2007, 10:01 AM	#35
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Just finished printing off the letters to my creditors. Going to put them in the post when I go to the supermarket later. You can tell today is benefits day right? I've asked everyone I think I owe money to, to tell me how much I owe them. The next letter will be the bargaining bit, but I have templates for each possible outcome. They will know where I am now, but I have come to terms with that over the last few days. Once the envelopes leave my fingers, my fate is essentially in other people's hands. Terrifying but liberating. Like being on a rollercoaster. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

10-01-2007, 10:22 AM	#36
HungLikeJesus Only looks like a disaster tourist Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: above 7,000 feet Posts: 7,208	SG - you've come a long way in the last two weeks. __________________ Keep Your Bodies Off My Lawn SteveDallas's Random Thread Picker.

10-01-2007, 10:32 AM	#37
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	SG! Glad to see you being so pro-active! I think you are learning that everything might not be as bad as it seems. I think you will find that the universe might be more merciful than you had "bargained" for. We'll see anyway! __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung

10-01-2007, 12:59 PM	#39
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	Congratulations SG on taking this brave step. Don't forget in your bargaining and arranging things that you need, and I do mean need, an entertainments budget for yourself as well as a food/bills budget. I'm backing you all the way here, this is such a big step in the right direction. WTG gurrrrrrrrrl (yeugh, what a phrase!)! __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

10-01-2007, 01:13 PM	#40
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Good work, SG. I have to say, though, (and I'll probably get beaten up for it but....) I agree with your HM -I think 10 quid is a lot of money to spend on entertainment when you're predicting a future budget with only 1 quid a month for that type of expense. Do you really want to blow 10 months IN ADVANCE? Isn't there a cheaper compromise? .......Also the 63p you gave away. yes it's only a small amount and he probably did need it more that you but...... this is how it mounts up. Here's an old saying for you "Look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves". It's benefit day, but already you're 10.63 down. What percentage is that? 10 quid may not be much to your debtors, but neither is your entire income, so you need to make every saving you can. Your housemate is housing you, has joined you up the gym because you can't afford it and because you need his help. Trying to look at it from his POV, perhaps his feelings are hurt because you appear to value his help so little. How would you have felt if the kid with 63p then pulled a fiver out of his pocket and bought a pack of ciggies with it? I'm sorry, I know I'm probably making you feel bad and I don't want to, but all I see is you coming here wanting confirmation that your expenditure is OK. And it isn't -not if you want to get out of debt. Limey is right, you do need to have some fun. But budgets, like diets, have to start now, today, because tomorrow never comes. The problem with last hurrahs is that they never are... __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

10-01-2007, 04:36 PM	#42
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Oh, i'm not saying it was a bad thing, -sorry, must've phrased it badly -I'm advocating keeping track -not discounting it because it was a good cause. It still had to come from somewhere. I was just using it as a demonstration of how things add up. If you're budgeting to the nearest pound, then 63p is most of a pound. Small amounts like that still have to come from somewhere. By "taking care of the pennies" I meant more knowing where they're all going rather than not spending any at all. Was that clearer or more foggy? I love pay it forward. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

10-01-2007, 04:37 PM	#43
theotherguy no not that other guy, the other one Join Date: May 2007 Location: TN Posts: 640	Great job SG. I am sure you feel more in control with this ball now rolling. Keep it up!

10-02-2007, 04:03 AM	#44
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	I'm not going to the Halloween event now Once I calmed down after being told off (I think it was that more than anything) I admitted he was probably right. But I do stand behind the 63p If I have less than a pound in my pocket and a week to spend it in, I reserve the right to be extravagant! Overall I know you are right though Monster. Much as I hate to admit it. I got in this situation by being reckless with my money and I need to learn to treat things more seriously - even on my low budget I should try to save and not just rely on "something coming along". Sigh. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

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