Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 400

Carruthers · 04-08-2020, 07:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

Because of my lysdexia I was told I’d be crap at poetry, but I’ve made a teapot, several bowls and a vase that I’m quite proud of.

Have you met the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who'd lay awake at night wondering if there really is a dog?

xoxoxoBruce · 04-08-2020, 11:20 AM

... you guys are on a roll...

Diaphone Jim · 04-08-2020, 12:01 PM

At 7:45 am today at a grocery store that opened at 8am for seniors only. A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.

He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him, then knocked him to the ground and thrashed him with his walker.

But then the guy came back again and approached the line a third time! This time the guy says, "Look, if you damned old codgers don't let me unlock the door, none of you will ever get in there!"

xoxoxoBruce · 04-09-2020, 12:50 AM

Obviously the first two overlooked going through his pockets... you know, for loose change or dope.

monster · 04-10-2020, 02:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by monster

Yeah, I know, I just didn't feel true to myself if I didn't say something. Here's the one I was gonna post to piss off the Christians

Attachment 70108

I'm kinda glad I'm too tired to replace Jesus' crown of thorns with a corona on this not-so-fucking-good-friday. But the day is young.....

Griff · 04-12-2020, 06:56 AM

.

xoxoxoBruce · 04-12-2020, 01:50 PM

xoxoxoBruce · 04-13-2020, 03:34 AM

I went to a flash nightclub last Friday and there was a famous female pop star sitting in a private area.
I don't know how it happened, but she called me over and we really hit it off.
Everything was going fine until we went back to my place.
I turned on the light and she gave a disgusted laugh and said "That's really pathetic!
How do you think you'll satisfy me with such a tiny thing like that?"
"Gee" I said "I'm sorry Adele, but it was the biggest fridge I could afford".

squirell nutkin · 04-16-2020, 08:16 AM

Resurrecting an old friend for this apropos image.

fargon · 04-16-2020, 08:29 AM

Good morning Squirrel, how you doing?

glatt · 04-16-2020, 10:46 AM

Did you make that poster, foots?

If so, I approve. If not, I still approve.

monster · 04-16-2020, 11:07 AM

This ad appeared in my facebook feed last week

footfootfoot · 04-16-2020, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glatt

Did you make that poster, foots?

If so, I approve. If not, I still approve.

No, it was from someone’s instagram

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Carruthers · 04-17-2020, 09:42 AM

I'm not a fan of sports commentators at the best of times but, credit where it's due, this chap doesn't take himself too seriously.

Quote:

Andrew Cotter, who works for BBC Sport covering major events, took his boredom and created a video in which he commentated on his two Labradors, Olive and Mabel, racing to finish their food.

Quote:

... commentated on his two Labradors, Olive and Mabel, chewing a rubber bone.

The sound is rather poor at the beginning of the second video.
Probably trying to create tension.

BigV · 04-17-2020, 03:59 PM

"Poor audio quality"? Maybe you're not the target audience. Dogs have keener hearing than we do after all.

04-08-2020, 11:20 AM	#5987
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	... you guys are on a roll... Attached Images __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

04-09-2020, 12:50 AM	#5989
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Obviously the first two overlooked going through his pockets... you know, for loose change or dope. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

04-12-2020, 06:56 AM	#5991
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	. Attached Images __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

04-12-2020, 01:50 PM	#5992
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	__________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

04-13-2020, 03:34 AM	#5993
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	I went to a flash nightclub last Friday and there was a famous female pop star sitting in a private area. I don't know how it happened, but she called me over and we really hit it off. Everything was going fine until we went back to my place. I turned on the light and she gave a disgusted laugh and said "That's really pathetic! How do you think you'll satisfy me with such a tiny thing like that?" "Gee" I said "I'm sorry Adele, but it was the biggest fridge I could afford". __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

04-08-2020, 12:01 PM	#5988
Diaphone Jim Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Northern California Posts: 2,122	At 7:45 am today at a grocery store that opened at 8am for seniors only. A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane. He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him, then knocked him to the ground and thrashed him with his walker. But then the guy came back again and approached the line a third time! This time the guy says, "Look, if you damned old codgers don't let me unlock the door, none of you will ever get in there!"

04-16-2020, 08:16 AM	#5994
squirell nutkin has a second hand user title Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: in a Nut House Posts: 2,017	Resurrecting an old friend for this apropos image. Attached Images __________________ And now I'm finished posting.

04-16-2020, 08:29 AM	#5995
fargon Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: La Crosse, WI Posts: 8,924	Good morning Squirrel, how you doing? __________________ Annoy the ones that ignore you!!! I live a blessed life I Love my Country, I Fear the Government!!! Heavily medicated for the good of mankind.

04-16-2020, 10:46 AM	#5996
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	Did you make that poster, foots? If so, I approve. If not, I still approve.

04-16-2020, 11:07 AM	#5997
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	This ad appeared in my facebook feed last week Attached Images __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

04-17-2020, 03:59 PM	#6000
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	"Poor audio quality"? Maybe you're not the target audience. Dogs have keener hearing than we do after all. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

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