Sticky Situation

[OnyxCougar]

I have a friend named Kelle, who has been my bestfriend for many years now. She's in a pickle and we need some advice.

I got a phone call from Kelle last night. She lives in Croatia with the man she wants to marry. She's been waiting for divorce papers from her husband, Greg, for almost a year. Well, he finally filed, and she got them in the mail.

He is filing for sole legal and physical custody of their baby, Dylan (age 3). She doesn’t mind the sole physical custody thing, she IS in Croatia after all, but she does want joint legal custody, so she doesn’t lose all rights to him. Greg also filed for Child Support, at $115 a month. Since Kelle is not a citizen of Croatia, she can’t work, therefore she has no income. If these papers go through, she’ll get nailed for failing to pay child support, which means it's going to be very difficult to get her man Hrvoje into the US once the divorce is a done deal.

The divorce was filed in Kingman, AZ. This is across the country from me. My father, however, lives there. She has 30 days to respond to the divorce papers. There is no way she can make it to the US before October/November timeframe. There is no way she can get a Croatian attorney to represent her, it is way too expensive. Just to notarize 3 pages of the divorce is 450 Kuna, the equivalent of a month of groceries. She doesn’t know what to do.

She needs answers, and since I’m not in Kingman, and didn't have all this crap to worry about with my divorce, I don't know what to tell her.

If she misses the court date, and it’s a done deal, she’s still coming back to the US in October/November. She’ll stay here in NC near me and work on getting Hrvoje over here once she’s got an apartment and a job. Once Hrvoje is here and they are married, he will get his green card and be able to work, they can work on getting the kids (her other 2 older kids are with her mother in Vegas) back.

She just doesn’t want to go the long route if she can get just those two items in the decree changed before they become part of the decree. We just aren’t sure what the easiest, cheapest way to go is.

Any ideas you could give are greatly appreciated. If you need more info, I'll be happy to give it.

[Crimson Ghost]

She could try contacting the judge, explaining the situation, and see if the court date could be postponed. It might help, it might not. But you never know........

There's no chance her ex-husband might be open to reason? If he were willing to hold open the demand for child support until she and her current boyfriend are established back in the States, surely it would be to the ex's benefit, as well as hers, as well as the child's. How is the ex going to get money out of her if he ensures that the moment she's back in the State's she get's put in jail or something for child support that she's never had the chance to earn money to pay? Is the ex that horrible, that all he wants is really revenge and not child support after all?

If the ex is truely a monster, why not try to get some publicity about the case in the local media of Kingman or the nearest big city, be it Phoenix or Tucson or whatever? Even if the local mainstream media won't take the story, an independent might. That publicity might be enough to get a lawyer who will take the case on for her pro bono. Even the threat of taking such an action might make the ex back down if he is currently determined to wreck vengence against your friend, no matter if he gets a financial gain or not.

I went to the local independent media in my own town regarding my personal situation, and like magic, three attornies appeared; willing to take on my case. One was actually the president of the local bar association and he made my legal woes vanish almost as if they never existed. Its worth a shot.

[Yelof]

I know this sounds harsh and unhelpful, but I have a sore point regarding parental responsibility.

I know she must have some hugely complicated story behind her but I would never bugger off to Croatia to pursue a new love when the fate of my children's future was in the balance. New love Hrvoje be damned, he can wait. She can find the money for the ticket back to the US if she tries hard enough. If she lets the ex stick those conditions on the divorce she is going to have a hell of a time reversing things.

[Cyber Wolf]

In the case, the only advice I can offer would be in conduct. Whatever she does, she needs to remember to not let emotions fly off the handle. The way it sounds is the ball is in her court but she's really at his mercy. How she handles her encounters with him and his lawyers (by phone, mail, however the contact is) could determine how her life will be affected for any number of years afterwards.

We haven't heard the ex's side of this at all, so there's no way we can know his state of mind. Perhaps he's concerned for the kid's well-being, especially since it's known that she'll run off across the world after a new boyfriend. And even if she returns with new man and settles in NC, that's still on the other end of the country. Joint custody would be pretty difficult. It'd be easier to argue for if she was going back to someplace in AZ. If he's the vindictive bastard type who's holding such a grudge that his primary goal is to ruin her life forever, then the LAST thing she wants to do is get him any more riled. Whatever his state of mind, when a divorce is happening, there's usually not much love left in the relationship if any so it'd be best to regard him professionally without being condescending. Crying, begging, yelling and demanding doesn't often sway a judge when there are so many other significant factors at stake.

[Beestie]

Honestly, OC, it sounds like checkmate to me.

I read this last night and didn't want to reply right away but based on the information presented in this post, if I were a judge I wouldn't give Kelle the time of day.

[OnyxCougar]

Yeah, we pretty much came to that conclusion, too.


15 months ago, Greg was shacking up with the chick he got pregnant. He has a son by a previous relationship, and was ready to give Hrvoje adoption rights to Dylan. 13 months ago, the papers were already signed by her and Greg, so she filed them and left for Croatia. Since they were doing it with no attorney, she messed up on some pages, so they rejected it. I went down there and picked the papers up, then Greg came and got them from me to correct, and since she was in Croatia, he magically changed his mind and decided to file himself. Then he moved to Missouri and had to wait for residency. Then he moves to Illinois and had to wait for residency. Then he went back to Kingman and waited on residency. Then he needed the money. The only reason he's in Kingman is that his parents are there, and he's living with them with 2 of his 3 kids.

He's doing the child support thing because he claims he can't work (has for the last 3 years) but whenever there's an SCA meeting or anything, he's perfectly fine to jump around and sword fight. We're not dealing with the most moral or upright person here. In fact, the reason Kelle and I met in the first place is because he was cheating on us with us.

But all that back history doesn't matter. I told her the other night that we need to look at this from an outsiders viewpoint. And it's pretty bleak. I will have her call the judge though, and see if that helps, and if not, I'll have her check into the media thing. Never thought of that, Mari.

I wondered if it was possible to get a special power of attorney for my dad or something, to represent her in court. (I can't afford to fly out to Kingman, and I certainly don't want to see that son of a bitch again, just for all the shit he put ME through.)

Anyway, we'll go that way... if anything happens to come to mind, please don't hesitate to post it... I'll keep you all informed.

[Beestie]

The problem Kelle has, imho, is that the worse she makes him look (which is her only defense), the worse she makes herself look for leaving Dylan with him.

[OnyxCougar]

Yep.

[wolf]

This is why birth control was invented.

People should use it more often.

Sounds like neither of these winners should have made it into the gene pool.

This is why humanity is doomed.

[jdbutler]

I imagine that she is still a citizen of Arizona. Have her contact these people
http://morrisinstituteforjustice.org/, see if they will present a petition for a stay of the court proceedings and offer further legal assistnce.
She also should seek professional mental counseling.

[OnyxCougar]

Unfortunately, she was living in Vegas with me before she went back to Croatia. So she's technically a Nevada resident, I suppose. The last paperwork she signed was filed in Las Vegas.

[OnyxCougar]

Originally Posted by wolf

This is why birth control was invented.

People should use it more often.

Sounds like neither of these winners should have made it into the gene pool.

This is why humanity is doomed.

A little more constructive criticism is appreciated here, Wolf. Yes, we know they both fucked up, and she takes responsibility for that, and we're working on correcting the situation.

[wolf]

Taking responsibility would have involved something other than abandoning her child/children and going to Croatia to shack up with some guy before the divorce was finalized.

[OnyxCougar]

Yes, we know that, thanks. Again. Something other than criticism would be appreciated.