Coffee: Good or Evil?

[Kitsune]

I've had someone push "real" coffee on me before: I was handed a styrofoam cup full of what appear to be decade-old 30W motor oil that had been heated.

"It's Cuban coffee. You'll like it."
"Cuban, huh? Let me get some crea--"
"No, no! Cubans do not drink it with cream or sugar. Drink up, my friend."

And so I downed the thick brew moments before the cup disintegrated from the caustic liquid. It quickly found my stomach and ate a hole straight through the lining. Holy hell, that stuff was lethal.

Those poor cubans -- we need to air-lift them some half-n-half right away!