Humor...I Need Humor...

lookout123 · 07-27-2004, 06:12 PM

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

lookout123 · 07-27-2004, 06:44 PM

Two guys are drinking at a bar. The first says "Do you ever start thinking about something, and when you go to talk, you say something you don't mean?" The Second guy says "Yeah, I was at the airport buying plane tickets, and the chick behind the counter had these huge tits, and instead of asking her for 'two tickets to Pittsburgh' I asked for 'two tickets to Titsburgh' The First guy says, "Yeah, well I was having breakfast with my wife last week, and instead of saying 'Honey can you please pass me the sugar?', I said 'You've ruined my life you FUCKING BITCH'

novice · 07-27-2004, 11:10 PM

A maori shearing gang have left the winter cold of New Zealand for a holiday in the Australian outback. Being practical types they stay at pubs so there's no need to move about much. Only two days into their break a frantic farmer bursts into the bar and rushes up to the gang boss.
" My regular shearers have gone walkabout and I need all my sheep shorn right away"
"Sorry bro, but me and the fellers are on holiday" replies the boss.
" Look mate, i'm desperate so i'll pay a buck a sheep " says the farmer.
The big maori doesn't bat an eyelid but inwardly he's excited. He thinks back to the last job, multiplies 22,000 by a dollar and thinks that's some serious cash for a weeks work.
" Okay bro, we may have a deal, how many sheep you got?" he asks the relieved farmer.
" Well, I hope it doesn't alarm you but there's nearly 800 in total " the farmer answers.
Again the boss doesn't show any emotion but looks over the farmers shoulder, winks at his boys, looks back at the farmer and asks " So, bro, what are their names?"

07-27-2004, 06:12 PM	#1
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?" __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

07-27-2004, 06:44 PM	#2
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	Two guys are drinking at a bar. The first says "Do you ever start thinking about something, and when you go to talk, you say something you don't mean?" The Second guy says "Yeah, I was at the airport buying plane tickets, and the chick behind the counter had these huge tits, and instead of asking her for 'two tickets to Pittsburgh' I asked for 'two tickets to Titsburgh' The First guy says, "Yeah, well I was having breakfast with my wife last week, and instead of saying 'Honey can you please pass me the sugar?', I said 'You've ruined my life you FUCKING BITCH' __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

07-27-2004, 11:10 PM	#3
novice Ignorance is bliss and I'm orgasmic Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: perth, australia Posts: 296	A maori shearing gang have left the winter cold of New Zealand for a holiday in the Australian outback. Being practical types they stay at pubs so there's no need to move about much. Only two days into their break a frantic farmer bursts into the bar and rushes up to the gang boss. " My regular shearers have gone walkabout and I need all my sheep shorn right away" "Sorry bro, but me and the fellers are on holiday" replies the boss. " Look mate, i'm desperate so i'll pay a buck a sheep " says the farmer. The big maori doesn't bat an eyelid but inwardly he's excited. He thinks back to the last job, multiplies 22,000 by a dollar and thinks that's some serious cash for a weeks work. " Okay bro, we may have a deal, how many sheep you got?" he asks the relieved farmer. " Well, I hope it doesn't alarm you but there's nearly 800 in total " the farmer answers. Again the boss doesn't show any emotion but looks over the farmers shoulder, winks at his boys, looks back at the farmer and asks " So, bro, what are their names?"

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