Humor...I Need Humor...

[xoxoxoBruce]

So two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, "Covert to Catholicism and get $10." One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His friend turns to him and says, "Murray, what's going on?" "Abe," replies Murray, "I'm thinking of doing it." Abe says, "What are you, crazy?" Murray thinks for a minute and says, "Abe, I'm going to do it." With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes out twenty minutes later with his head bowed. "So," asks Abe, "did you get your ten dollars?" Murray looks up at him and says, "Jesus, is that all you fucking people ever think of?"

[jinx]

<center> Last 10 things the other sex would ever say

</center>

<hr>

<table border="0" cellpadding="15" width="450"> <tbody><tr> <th>No.</th> <th>Women</th> <th>Men</th></tr> <tr> <td>10</td> <td>Could our relationship be more Physical? I'm tired of just being friends.</td> <td>I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker.</td></tr> <tr> <td>9</td> <td>Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche that way.</td> <td>While I'm up, can I get you a beer?</td></tr> <tr> <td>8</td> <td>I think hairy butts are really sexy.</td> <td>I think hairy butts are really sexy.</td></tr> <tr> <td>7</td> <td>Hey, get a whiff of that one.</td> <td>Her tits are just too big.</td></tr> <tr> <td>6</td> <td>Please don't throw that old T-shirt away, the holes in the armpit are just too cute.</td> <td>Sometimes I just want to be held.</td></tr> <tr> <td>5</td> <td>This diamond is way too big.</td> <td>That chick on Murder, She Wrote gives me a woody.</td></tr> <tr> <td>4</td> <td>I won't even put my lips on that things unless I get to swallow</td> <td>Sure, I'd love to wear a condom.</td></tr> <tr> <td>3</td> <td>Wow, it really is 12 inches!</td> <td>We haven't been to the mall for ages, let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.</td></tr> <tr> <td>2</td> <td>Does this make my butt look too small?</td> <td>Fuck Monday Night Football, let's watch Murphy Brown.</td></tr> <tr> <td>1</td> <td>I'm wrong, you must be right again.</td> <td>I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask for directions</td></tr></tbody> </table>

[lookout123]

TO BE SIX AGAIN

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.
"I'd love to be six again, " she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, got up
made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms and then took
her off to the local theme park. What a day! He put
her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the
Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster,
everything there was.
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park.
Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where her
loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra
fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie to see the latest
blockbuster, a hot-dog, popcorn, a soda pop, and her
favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and
collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and
lovingly asked, "Well, Dear, what was it like being
six again?" Her eyes slowly opened and her _expression
suddenly changed.

"You idiot, I meant my dress size!" The moral of the
story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it
wrong.