NBN's Advice Forum

Nothing But Net · 09-12-2004, 05:07 AM

Ask me anything. Here are a few old standards to get you started:

Q: I think my husband is cheating on me with my best friend. Should I confront him, or her?

NBN: Just watch the game carefully. When he owns Boardwalk with a hotel and she lands on it, the rent is NOT a blowjob.

Q: I suspect our receptionist is stealing out of petty cash. Should I tell the boss?

NBN: Absolutely not. She sounds like executive material. Your best bet is to try and arrange a threesome, then you have something on both of them.

Q: I love my wife, but I think my stepdaughter is coming on to me. What do I do?

NBN: You are too stupid to be so lucky.

Q: My husband likes to hang out a lot on internet porn sites. What do I do?

NBN: Don't worry, he is just shopping for the best price on Viagra. It's all for you, girl.

Q: My family is devoutly Jewish, but I have fallen in love with a Catholic girl. If I marry her it will probably kill my parents. Help me, NBN.

NBN: I will not help you kill your parents. You're on you own here, pal.

Q: What is the meaning of Life?

NBN: I don't know. We always played Chutes and Ladders when I was a kid.

Undertoad · 09-12-2004, 12:41 PM

If Jesus was at a concession stand before going in to see a movie, what candy would He order?

Nothing But Net · 09-12-2004, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Undertoad

If Jesus was at a concession stand before going in to see a movie, what candy would He order?

A: King of the Jujubes

Clodfobble · 09-12-2004, 02:04 PM

What is the ideal pet?

SteveDallas · 09-12-2004, 02:08 PM

Dear NBN,
I play in an orchestra that includes many college students. My wife complains when I go out after the rehearsals with some of the students (who just coincidentally happen to be female). What should I do?

09-13-2004, 12:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

What is the ideal pet?

The peeve. Everyone should have at least one pet peeve. I've noticed that most cellerites have several. (OK, I know I'm not NBN, but I couldn't resist)

Ernestine · 09-13-2004, 07:59 AM

Why do so many cowboys own dachshunds?

Catwoman · 09-13-2004, 09:08 AM

How do you beat Five Aces in Wild Card Poker?

jaguar · 09-13-2004, 10:57 AM

Quote:

How do you beat Five Aces in Wild Card Poker?

Sawnoff.

Elspode · 09-13-2004, 01:13 PM

Why are there so many more questions here than answers?

russotto · 09-13-2004, 01:24 PM

Now that the assault weapon ban has expired, what's the best collapsible-stock-sporting, bayonet-lug-and-flash-suppressor equipped, 30+ round capacity semiautomatic rifle to buy?

glatt · 09-13-2004, 01:28 PM

Yes, where can I get an Uzi now that they are legal again?

09-13-2004, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by russotto

Now that the assault weapon ban has expired, what's the best collapsible-stock-sporting, bayonet-lug-and-flash-suppressor equipped, 30+ round capacity semiautomatic rifle to buy?

The one that has been stolen and that you can buy with no questions asked in the alley behind the building at your local gun show. This way the Feds won't come confiscate it when the revolution starts.

09-13-2004, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elspode

Why are there so many more questions here than answers?

If we had all the answers, we wouldn't be wasting our time in the cellar.

Dagney · 09-13-2004, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ernestine

Why do so many cowboys own dachshunds?

Because they were told to "get a long little doggie"

09-12-2004, 05:07 AM	#1
Nothing But Net Professor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Spring, Texas Posts: 1,481	NBN's Advice Forum Ask me anything. Here are a few old standards to get you started: Q: I think my husband is cheating on me with my best friend. Should I confront him, or her? NBN: Just watch the game carefully. When he owns Boardwalk with a hotel and she lands on it, the rent is NOT a blowjob. Q: I suspect our receptionist is stealing out of petty cash. Should I tell the boss? NBN: Absolutely not. She sounds like executive material. Your best bet is to try and arrange a threesome, then you have something on both of them. Q: I love my wife, but I think my stepdaughter is coming on to me. What do I do? NBN: You are too stupid to be so lucky. Q: My husband likes to hang out a lot on internet porn sites. What do I do? NBN: Don't worry, he is just shopping for the best price on Viagra. It's all for you, girl. Q: My family is devoutly Jewish, but I have fallen in love with a Catholic girl. If I marry her it will probably kill my parents. Help me, NBN. NBN: I will not help you kill your parents. You're on you own here, pal. Q: What is the meaning of Life? NBN: I don't know. We always played Chutes and Ladders when I was a kid.

09-13-2004, 07:59 AM	#7
Ernestine Basset Hound Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Under the porch Posts: 22	Why do so many cowboys own dachshunds? __________________ "Ah, I see they have the internet on computers, now!" Homer Simpson

09-13-2004, 09:08 AM	#8
Catwoman stalking a Tom Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: on the edge of the english channel Posts: 1,000	How do you beat Five Aces in Wild Card Poker? __________________ I've decided I'm not going to have a signature anymore.

09-13-2004, 01:13 PM	#10
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	Why are there so many more questions here than answers? __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

09-12-2004, 12:41 PM	#2
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	If Jesus was at a concession stand before going in to see a movie, what candy would He order?

09-12-2004, 02:04 PM	#4
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	What is the ideal pet?

09-12-2004, 02:08 PM	#5
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	Dear NBN, I play in an orchestra that includes many college students. My wife complains when I go out after the rehearsals with some of the students (who just coincidentally happen to be female). What should I do?

09-13-2004, 01:24 PM	#11
russotto Professor Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 1,788	Now that the assault weapon ban has expired, what's the best collapsible-stock-sporting, bayonet-lug-and-flash-suppressor equipped, 30+ round capacity semiautomatic rifle to buy?

09-13-2004, 01:28 PM	#12
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	Yes, where can I get an Uzi now that they are legal again?

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