Humor in the campaigns

[lookout123]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

modemites.

i thought they were extinct.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Far from it. In fact they are probably the silent majority.

[lookout123]

interesting. i am ashamed to say that i am a computer illiterate. i wasn't once upon a time but that was ten years ago.

[Happy Monkey]

The original was humor in 2001. Here's the annotated version.

[lookout123]

ohn Kerry Fan

A teacher in a small Vermont town asks her class how many of them are John Kerry fans.
Not really knowing what a John Kerry fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy.

The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different.

Johnny says, "I'm not a John Kerry fan."

The teacher says, "Why aren't you a John Kerry fan?"

Johnny says, "I'm a George Bush fan."

The teacher asks why he's a George Bush fan.

The boy says, "Well, my mom's a George Bush fan and my dad's a George Bush fan, so I'm a George Bush fan!"

The teacher is kind of angry, because this IS Vermont, so she asks, "What if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"

Johnny says, "That would make me a John Kerry fan

[lookout123]

Clocks In Heaven

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.

"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

[lookout123]

So That Is Politics

A son asks his father, "What can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow." The father thinks a little and says, "OK, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy. Let's say that I'm a capitalist because I'm the breadwinner. Your mother will be the government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?" The little boy said, "Well, Dad, I don't know, but I'll think about what you said."

Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, the little boy was awaken by his baby brother's crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper. So, he went down the hall to his parent's bedroom and found his father's side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn't wake up. Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid. The son then turned and went back to bed.

The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, "Dad, I think I understand politics much better now." "Excellent, my boy," he answered, "What have you learned?" The little boy thought for a minute and said, "I learned that capitalism is screwing the working class, government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the future's full of crap."

[wolf]

Kids wear the darndest things.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Oh, that little boy is so cute, so innocent, so naive. :p

[wolf]

I expect that shortly after this picture was taken he ripped the fur off the cat, spilled grape juice on the white living room carpet, and created an original artwork in the traditional medium of feces.

You can see it in his eyes.

[alphageek31337]

"The mess in my pants is nothing compared to the mess we make of our children if we force our political ideologies on them from their early youth.

Don't Indocwinate."

Hate Bush? http://watleyreview.com/2004/021704-1.html
Hate Kerry? http://watleyreview.com/2004/082404-1.html

[xoxoxoBruce]

If you really want to scare the pants off some of your neighbors this halloween, just blow up and cut out this Karl Rove mask. But don't blame me if you are seriously injured.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Cheney claims Nostradamus warned that a Kerry victory would signal the end of the world

Vice President Dick Cheney made his most dire remarks to date about a November victory by Democratic nominee John Kerry, saying that the French seer Nostradamus warned that Mr. Kerry's election would signal the end of the world.
"Nostradamus made it quite clear that John Kerry's election would be followed shortly thereafter by the end of the universe," Cheney soberly informed his audience at an Akron, Ohio, rally yesterday. "So if you want the world to end, John Kerry is your man."

Cheney added that if Kerry were elected, "Rather than seeing the world come to an end I would put the world out of its misery by destroying it myself."

While Cheney's warnings about a Kerry win have grown increasingly grim in recent days, his claim that Nostradamus (1503-1566) predicted a Kerry-driven apocalypse was extraordinary, even by the standards of today's heated political rhetoric.
But hours after the vice president issued his latest warning, the Nostradamus prediction was powerfully discredited by a newly-formed political action committee calling itself Renaissance French Seers for Truth.

In an ad broadcast in several battleground states by the well-financed seers' group, little-known French seer Henri de Montrachet (1497-1558) is quoted as saying, "I was a seer alongside Nostradamus, and I can tell you this, Nostradamus is lying about John Kerry."

In other campaign news, President George W. Bush told reporters today that he "doubted" that the Texas National Guard memos discovered by CBS last week could be authentic because "I know exactly where the real ones are hidden."

That's priceless, Bruce! Did you write that all by yourself?

It must be in the wind:

Cheney Predicts a Host of Plagues for States that Vote for Kerry

Glaciers Will Melt and Sinkholes Will Open in Roads
Ratcheting up election campaign rhetoric, Vice President Dick Cheney told an Ohio rally Monday that those battleground states foolish enough to vote for John Kerry will be visited by a swarm of plagues in the week's after the November 2 election.

"A state that supports Kerry can expect to see clouds of locusts, swarms of yowling cats whose litter boxes are overflowing and bats screeching in every belfry," Cheney told a rally in Erwinna, Ohio.

He said Kerry states could expect sinkholes to open up in the middle of interstate highways, banks to run out of nickels, convenience stores to stop selling donuts, and unannounced visits from Uncle Fred and Aunt Gladys that last for weeks, not days.

"That will just be for starters," Cheney told an enthusiastic crowd of about 500 cheering Republicans.

Cheney and House Speaker Dennis Hastert have both said recently that if Kerry is elected president it would invite terrorist attack. Cheney's comments Monday seemed to expand the pantheon of dangers related to John Kerry as president and signal the opening of a new front in the election battle.

"A Kerry Administration will mean that wells will run dry in those states that support him," Cheney said. "Glaciers will melt, causing rivers to flood and inundating cities with 100- and 500-year floods. Rental cars will stall within a few miles of leaving the rental car office, all dogs will bark all night, and children will pay even less attention to what their parents say than they do now."

Cheney made most of the predictions while speaking out of the side of his mouth. Aides have said in the past that anything the Vice President says from the side of his mouth should be taken very seriously.

"I'm not trying to frighten anyone into voting for President Bush," Cheney said, "but I'm here to warn that those states and counties and precincts and households that vote for John Kerry instead of the President will be making a big mistake."

Additional plagues the Vice President mentioned included:

Small towns that support Kerry can expect a new Wal-Mart to be built on the outskirts that guts the downtown business area.

Neighborhoods that support Kerry will see an alarming increase in the number of Jehovah's Witnesses coming to the door. "As many as a hundred a day," he predicted.

Families that place Kerry-Edwards signs in their front yards will experience crabgrass infestations next summer that boggle the mind. "We know who has the Kerry signs. We're keeping track," Cheney told the rally.


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