how far are yo uwilling to go to please your partner?

cowhead · 02-24-2005, 12:51 PM

right, communication is something I'm actually fairly good at(altough maybe not in the typed form

).. we've discussed it. this was more wondering how far would people go to please their partner, I'll do damn near anything, the problem with this is.. she wants me to rape her, and where as YES it would me more of a role playing exersize, the problem being that what happens to the relationship dynamic after that? it's going to change (trust me on this one, I've had a little experiance in the matter.. dynamics.. not raping mind you) and change dramatically.. I'm not into the whole bsdm thing... sorry just not for me. (and the other problem is that as much as I would like to consider myself a fairly decent human being.. part of this 'fantasy' of hers really appeals to me.. so where does that leave me afterwards?..hmm this is more personal than I ever get.. must retreat! and do some more thinking)

elf · 02-24-2005, 01:33 PM

une important thing: Safeword.

If you decide that this is something you would like to do for her, establish a safeword for her to use if things get out of hand. This way, she can tell you "nonono" all she wants, and you won't have to worry that she might really mean it. And it gives her a reliable way to let you know if something's truly wrong.

The most effective safeword system I've seen has two words, usually "Yellow" and "Red". If she says yellow, she means a warning, please don't do that, and you can ease up a little or change tactics. Red would mean Stop. At which point you stop what you're doing completely and find out what's wrong.

As far as after-scene dynamics. . . well, I don't have much advice for that. I've lived things like this for a long time, and to explain it would be difficult for me. It'd be like trying to explain a breath of fresh air. I don't know how.

Keeping Wolf's point in mind, make sure you know just what it is she wants. (does she want to be tied up? would she want to be slapped/hit? or is she just looking for a struggle?) You'll have to really really talk about it. In detail.

Bringing her fantasy into reality doesn't make you a bad person. Her having this fantasy doesn't make her a bad person (or crazy or wrong or broken) There's nothing wrong here. It took me quite the long while to figure that part out for myself, and I'm looking at it from her point of view.

<small>I hope I don't sound preachy, I don't mean to. . .

lookout123 · 02-24-2005, 01:38 PM

the only problem is that if you attempt to live out a long held fantasy, the reality will dim in comparison and then that cool fantasy that she enjoys thinking about will be gone.

been there done that.

that being said, i'm willing to try almost anything once. sometimes twice. if you a third time, you better be paying me.

i prefer the term manwhore , thank you very much.

elf · 02-24-2005, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lookout123

the only problem is that if you attempt to live out a long held fantasy, the reality will dim in comparison and then that cool fantasy that she enjoys thinking about will be gone.

been there done that.

that being said, i'm willing to try almost anything once. sometimes twice. if you a third time, you better be paying me.

i prefer the term manwhore , thank you very much.

I disagree! If there's enough communication beforehand, it won't pale.
....
Maybe I can only say that because I've a lot of experience with it. I know what my partners expect from me, and they know what makes me happy. The first time you try something isn't always the best time. . . ok, it's probably never the best one, but how can you make it what you want it to be if you're too worried about it not being?

What I'm trying to say is you can't just ditch the whole thing for 'what if it's not what I expect it to be' because what if it is?

lookout123 · 02-24-2005, 02:06 PM

fantasy may mean different things to us then. i know that at one point in time 3 way was a big fantasy for me. i've dipped into that well quite a few times and it was great - but didn't compete with the fantasy.

either way, i'm glad for the experience but i see how it could easily take something from the fantasy if the person goes in expecting too much.

02-24-2005, 12:51 PM	#1
cowhead halve your cake and eat it too. Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Georgia.. by way of Lawrence Kansas Posts: 1,359	right, communication is something I'm actually fairly good at(altough maybe not in the typed form ).. we've discussed it. this was more wondering how far would people go to please their partner, I'll do damn near anything, the problem with this is.. she wants me to rape her, and where as YES it would me more of a role playing exersize, the problem being that what happens to the relationship dynamic after that? it's going to change (trust me on this one, I've had a little experiance in the matter.. dynamics.. not raping mind you) and change dramatically.. I'm not into the whole bsdm thing... sorry just not for me. (and the other problem is that as much as I would like to consider myself a fairly decent human being.. part of this 'fantasy' of hers really appeals to me.. so where does that leave me afterwards?..hmm this is more personal than I ever get.. must retreat! and do some more thinking) __________________ no my child.. this is not my desire..I'm digging for fire.

02-24-2005, 01:38 PM	#3
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	the only problem is that if you attempt to live out a long held fantasy, the reality will dim in comparison and then that cool fantasy that she enjoys thinking about will be gone. been there done that. that being said, i'm willing to try almost anything once. sometimes twice. if you a third time, you better be paying me. i prefer the term manwhore , thank you very much. __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

02-24-2005, 02:06 PM	#5
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	fantasy may mean different things to us then. i know that at one point in time 3 way was a big fantasy for me. i've dipped into that well quite a few times and it was great - but didn't compete with the fantasy. either way, i'm glad for the experience but i see how it could easily take something from the fantasy if the person goes in expecting too much. __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

02-24-2005, 01:33 PM	#2
elf Yay! We're Dooomed! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Mostly: New York. Most Recently: New Jersey. Currently: Colorado Posts: 214	une important thing: Safeword. If you decide that this is something you would like to do for her, establish a safeword for her to use if things get out of hand. This way, she can tell you "nonono" all she wants, and you won't have to worry that she might really mean it. And it gives her a reliable way to let you know if something's truly wrong. The most effective safeword system I've seen has two words, usually "Yellow" and "Red". If she says yellow, she means a warning, please don't do that, and you can ease up a little or change tactics. Red would mean Stop. At which point you stop what you're doing completely and find out what's wrong. As far as after-scene dynamics. . . well, I don't have much advice for that. I've lived things like this for a long time, and to explain it would be difficult for me. It'd be like trying to explain a breath of fresh air. I don't know how. Keeping Wolf's point in mind, make sure you know just what it is she wants. (does she want to be tied up? would she want to be slapped/hit? or is she just looking for a struggle?) You'll have to really really talk about it. In detail. Bringing her fantasy into reality doesn't make you a bad person. Her having this fantasy doesn't make her a bad person (or crazy or wrong or broken) There's nothing wrong here. It took me quite the long while to figure that part out for myself, and I'm looking at it from her point of view. <small>I hope I don't sound preachy, I don't mean to. . .

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