I am tone deaf

[Urbane Guerrilla]

If you can walk and are missing no more than one finger you can play the bagpipes. Nine notes, that's all, no rests, and one dynamic: fff. You start with a fifty-dollar gizmo called a "practice chanter," on which you learn your fingering techniques -- since there's no way to play the great Highland pipe more softly or more loudly, your only option is to lend the music texture, which is what all those little blippy noises are -- and the tunes. When you're ready, you step up to the stand of pipes. Real pipes are not cheap, though a particularly bulletproof variety is the Australian-built all-Delrin Ross plastic pipes. Ross practice chanters are VERY much worth the money because they can't crack or break around the tone chamber the way practice chanters of the African blackwood the good quality pipes are made of.