Similes Pro versus Con

Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

I cannot convey to you my relief upon reading these words. The lack of an adequate reading light within my dog has caused me any number of difficulties that I have been loathe to mention for fear of being targeted by a demonstration of naked PETA protesters. I am barely tolerated in my neighborhood as it is.

It is high time that science presents us with the transparent dog, so that we may hole up with our favorite book in the sanctity of Man's (and Woman's) Best Friend. Those of us with a creative bent might even scribble doggerel from such a place of refuge, and publishers would chase after with pooper scoopers to collect our witticisms.

I do believe that I am indeed the Queen of Flattened Fauna and my karma has run over my dogma at last. The hound of heaven that had been baying round my door now lies nickle thin in my driveway. A penny for my thoughts, indeed! It seems like they are a dime a dozen, now a days - "cloned", as some might have it.

@Jay McGee: Is this the part where I'm supposed to chant "Resistance is futile..." ?

Are you related to Simon, BTW? You seem to have an inordinate fascination with staying warm.