Why Can't Men Say the Things We Women Need to Hear?

[goldencomfort1968]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

You know, I wonder too;
Why do women need to hear those things men don't?

For me...I need to hear those things to know that everything is alright. It makes me feel appreciated when he does the things he used to do when we first met. And I hate it when people say..."oh, guys aren't like that. They can't express their true emotions." That's a bunch of bull...because they sure know how to say and do all the right things when they are trying to get us to date them, marry them, have sex with them, etc. In the Mars Venus book it says that Women need to feel cherished and men need to feel needed. When he says loving things and such it makes me feel cherished.

[xoxoxoBruce]

They can't express their true emotions." That's a bunch of bull...because they sure know how to say and do all the right things when they are trying to get us to date them, marry them, have sex with them, etc.

That's not expressing true emotions, that's using what you want, as a tool to get what we want.

[goldencomfort1968]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

That's not expressing true emotions, that's using what you want, as a tool to get what we want.

Whatever

Originally Posted by goldencomfort1968

Whatever

The rudest thing anyone can ever say.
Ironic in this thread.

My wife and I talked about this... she said that she would hate it if I still played the "games of dating still" she much prefers to know me as I really am and how I truly feel. Her "friend, lover and true companion" not some guy "trying to impress her".
Guess she grew out of the neediness.
I'm very fortunate.

[xoxoxoBruce]

That tells me goldencomfort1968 is not interested in the truth. She just wants to whine about men. Pity.

[goldencomfort1968]

Originally Posted by rkzenrage

The rudest thing anyone can ever say.
Ironic in this thread.

My wife and I talked about this... she said that she would hate it if I still played the "games of dating still" she much prefers to know me as I really am and how I truly feel. Her "friend, lover and true companion" not some guy "trying to impress her".
Guess she grew out of the neediness.
I'm very fortunate.

I'm sorry...my intentions were not to be rude. That comment was simply out of frustration of not being able to get my point across. I feel that I have been missunderstood and that all I want to do is "whine" and "complain" about men. I don't feel that is true. I'm not looking for my husband to constantly cater to me or constantly be in a romantic mood showering me with flowers, love and affection. I'm simply wishing he'd do more of the loving gestures that he used to do rather than acting the way he is now and has been for quite some time. I'm simply expressing how much I miss that and how that made me feel appreciated and how his actions now make me feel unappreciated.

For instance...and a small example...last summer I had to have an emergency appendectomy. I had surgery late at night and was released late the following day. My husband stayed the night with me in a recliner next to my hospital bed. That was so sweet and caring of him. I really felt truly loved. He stopped at the pharmacy on our way home so he could pick up my prescriptions, etc. He helped get me settled and took good care of me for a couple days. This was over the weekend because my surgery was on a Thursday night and I was released Friday late afternoon. Then when he went back to work everything changed. He got a horrible attitude. Under Dr's orders, I couldn't drive for a week. I was instructed to move around as much as possible but to be sure not to overdue it or I would aggrivate everything and end up back in surgery. So, I made a dinner with what I had on hand at home and with that we were able to have leftovers for a couple days. One evening I made something different out of the leftovers so that he could just warm it up when he got home late from having to put in some extra hours at work. When he got home, he looked in the fridge disguisted. Stormed out of the house with barely saying a word. Meanwhile I'm left there wondering what was wrong and what I had done. He comes back home in a few minutes with all the makings for pizza. And at 8:00 at night he started making pizza. Never once did he ask if I was doing OK, if we needed anything because he was going to the store, or if I had dinner yet. I was very hurt and upset and trying to get well on top of all of this. He couldn't understand why I was so upset. I tried to explain to him and asked why he didn't eat what I had already made for him and he yelled at me (his wife...a few days into recovering from surgery) and said "I've had chicken ALL WEEK!!" Even though I had put the effort out to make it into something different when I didn't feel well.

So, yes...I guess I'm still a little bitter about that and other times he's hurt my feelings. Maybe I am complaining....I feel I have that right. And NO this incident I just described isn't the only one...It's just an example of many that have occured lately. There was another time after I came home from the hospital following a bout with kidney stones that he just left me to fend for myself. Yet, when he had hernia surgery, I was there for him (yes, because I wanted to be there for him) and made sure he had whatever he needed.

[BlacKat1980]

Originally Posted by goldencomfort1968

..... and he yelled at me (his wife...a few days into recovering from surgery) and said "I've had chicken ALL WEEK!!" Even though I had put the effort out to make it into something different when I didn't feel well.
....And NO this incident I just described isn't the only one...It's just an example of many that have occured lately.

I don't know of exact conversations you and your husband have had on any subject from what I've read so far, I would think that maybe he's unhappy for whatever reason - relationship, work etc. - and doesn't know how to tell you or may not think you need/want to know. Might be worth encouraging him to talk, and only talk about the issues at hand, don't get off track with the conversation or let it turn into argueing or yelling. If it does then walk away and both calm down then return later to continue. Set some "serious conversation" rules before you talk to make sure you know where each stands in the way of fighting.

[BlacKat1980]

Originally Posted by goldencomfort1968

They can't express their true emotions." That's a bunch of bull...because they sure know how to say and do all the right things when they are trying to get us to date them, marry them, have sex with them, etc.

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

That's not expressing true emotions, that's using what you want, as a tool to get what we want.

I believe that people say what you want to HEAR if they want something in return - eg. to tell you that you're beautiful to get you in bed. But they will tell you what they want to SAY or DO something nice because they like/love you and MEAN it. You can usually tell the difference.

In my experience men don't often think about love or relationships they are in or not express their feelings to you not because they don't love you but because they think you already know and don't feel the need to tell you all the time. Maybe a reminder to his face that you feel more secure in the relationship if he tells you everyday that he loves you or that you're appreciated. People can't read our minds whomever they are, tell them how you feel in your situation and what they can do to be more appreciative of you. Ask them to pay more attention to the way they address you. And show him that you and appreciate him, maybe by doing something special other than cooking his dinner or making his sandwiches.