Jea-lousy

[morethanpretty]

Hmmm this is a hard one for me, I accidently make my boyfriend jealous all the time. I have a lot of guy friends. Perhaps it was an accident for him too...
I mention guys who hit on me, and the different things my guys say to me, to my boyfriend and its not to make him jealous or show that I have other options...I'm just telling him about my day, life, ect. There is really no reason to get jealous anyway, you either trust him around the opposite sex and if you don't you drop him. BTW he knows that the most wonderful thing anyone has ever said to me, after his "I love you", was when my HS friend Kyle told me,"You look gorgeous when you cry" I had had a bad day and that cheered me up.

[Rock Steady]

Originally Posted by morethanpretty

Hmmm this is a hard one for me, I accidently make my boyfriend jealous all the time. I have a lot of guy friends. Perhaps it was an accident for him too...
I mention guys who hit on me, and the different things my guys say to me, to my boyfriend and its not to make him jealous or show that I have other options...I'm just telling him about my day, life, ect....

I have to disagree with you here, you can talk about these things differently. My wife and I have opposite-gender friends that we each go out with to events, lunch, etc. We can talk about it while skipping over details that would make the other uncomfortable, or presenting things in a non-threatening way.

[lhatcher]

Originally Posted by morethanpretty

Hmmm this is a hard one for me, I accidently make my boyfriend jealous all the time. .

I beg to differ. You can make someone jealous by accident only once. Then, when you know you've made them jealous, any continuation is based on a decision to do so. When someone does something that bothers me and I tell them about it and ask them not to do it again, I may forgive 1 or 2 more but if they continue to do it they're doing in on purpose and you have to wonder why.

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by lhatcher

I beg to differ. You can make someone jealous by accident only once. Then, when you know you've made them jealous, any continuation is based on a decision to do so. When someone does something that bothers me and I tell them about it and ask them not to do it again, I may forgive 1 or 2 more but if they continue to do it they're doing in on purpose and you have to wonder why.

Here's another side to that story, albeit extreme and not, probably what you had in mind.
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=91051

[morethanpretty]

Originally Posted by lhatcher

I beg to differ. You can make someone jealous by accident only once. Then, when you know you've made them jealous, any continuation is based on a decision to do so. When someone does something that bothers me and I tell them about it and ask them not to do it again, I may forgive 1 or 2 more but if they continue to do it they're doing in on purpose and you have to wonder why.

He's only volunteerly admitted to being jealous a couple of times, the other times it took me a while to figure it out and call him on it.
Different things make people jealous tho. I might tell my b/f about how one guy I know from school made me feel better, but that I wish that he had been there to comfort me instead. It might make my boy a bit jealous of the other guy but really poses no threat to him. But when I talk about a certain guy from work he has gotten jealous b/c he feels like I might have a crush on him. My b/f doesn't always tell me when I say something that makes him jealous. Plus it is harder for me to determine what will make him jealous or not, I don't have much experience with jealousy. So it is not an emotion I consider very often. I don't want to hide things from my b/f either, then I feel guilty, and I have hidden a crush I had from him before, not to keep him from getting jealous, but because I didn't want to hurt him or make him mistrusting of me. If I tell him about the guys (and sometimes girls) I hang out with and sometimes flirt with then I feel more comfortable, I'm not hiding anything that can hurt us later. He reasures me that his being jealous is a problem he has to work on, when I tell him a story I reassure him that I have no feelings/desire toward whoever, but him.

Bri-sorry to take away from your own issue, but all I can say is that you need to tell him your feelings on the subject. Be open about being jealous, he may truly have no idea and the only way to make sure is to talk about it.

Originally Posted by morethanpretty

He's only volunteerly admitted to being jealous a couple of times, the other times it took me a while to figure it out and call him on it.
Different things make people jealous tho. I might tell my b/f about how one guy I know from school made me feel better, but that I wish that he had been there to comfort me instead. It might make my boy a bit jealous of the other guy but really poses no threat to him. But when I talk about a certain guy from work he has gotten jealous b/c he feels like I might have a crush on him. My b/f doesn't always tell me when I say something that makes him jealous. Plus it is harder for me to determine what will make him jealous or not, I don't have much experience with jealousy. So it is not an emotion I consider very often. I don't want to hide things from my b/f either, then I feel guilty, and I have hidden a crush I had from him before, not to keep him from getting jealous, but because I didn't want to hurt him or make him mistrusting of me. If I tell him about the guys (and sometimes girls) I hang out with and sometimes flirt with then I feel more comfortable, I'm not hiding anything that can hurt us later. He reasures me that his being jealous is a problem he has to work on, when I tell him a story I reassure him that I have no feelings/desire toward whoever, but him.

Bri-sorry to take away from your own issue, but all I can say is that you need to tell him your feelings on the subject. Be open about being jealous, he may truly have no idea and the only way to make sure is to talk about it.

You know I've tried my damn-nist to befriend women. Unless we where working on the same project or had to deal with each other through work or school there was always, ALWAYS, sexual tension if there was even a shade of physical attraction. Hell even if it was at work or school the same problem occured.

You know, you know, you know it could "happen." Given the right circumstances and situation. I think its just biological. I think everyone of us, being honest with ourselves knows friends of the opposite sex are more likely than not to be future partners and thats the rub. Thats why men and women are suspicious, because they can both hear the biological backround music. Its probably the way you meet your current partner so why shouldn't he/she be jealous when that same senario is being played out with the guy/gal friends.

Originally Posted by morethanpretty

Hmmm this is a hard one for me, I accidently make my boyfriend jealous all the time. I have a lot of guy friends. Perhaps it was an accident for him too...
I mention guys who hit on me, and the different things my guys say to me, to my boyfriend and its not to make him jealous or show that I have other options...I'm just telling him about my day, life, ect. There is really no reason to get jealous anyway, you either trust him around the opposite sex and if you don't you drop him. BTW he knows that the most wonderful thing anyone has ever said to me, after his "I love you", was when my HS friend Kyle told me,"You look gorgeous when you cry" I had had a bad day and that cheered me up.

Funny that post-breakup all those "guy" friends become more than friends. If I've seen it once I've seen it a thousand times. Guy friends is code talk for "guy waiting" or "guy on call" like call waiting. Being jealous of a womens guy friends is reasonable and probably well founded and knowing the game is par for the course.

Most guys know this and are "guy friends" in waiting with other girls, waiting for that rebound action. Most guys try like women to keep every door open, lest they be left out of the loop.

What I have found rather strange though is womens outrage when men confront them about their guy friends and yet go balistic when she see him even talking to another girl. Its ok for girls to have unlimited guy friends but no way for men wanting the same count in women friends.

Originally Posted by bmwmcaw

Funny that post-breakup all those "guy" friends become more than friends. If I've seen it once I've seen it a thousand times. Guy friends is code talk for "guy waiting" or "guy on call" like call waiting. Being jealous of a womens guy friends is reasonable and probably well founded and knowing the game is par for the course.

Most guys know this and are "guy friends" in waiting with other girls, waiting for that rebound action. Most guys try like women to keep every door open, lest they be left out of the loop.

What I have found rather strange though is womens outrage when men confront them about their guy friends and yet go balistic when she see him even talking to another girl. Its ok for girls to have unlimited guy friends but no way for men wanting the same count in women friends.

Good lord it sounds like you lead a miserable life.
Everything is not a fucking game.

[morethanpretty]

bmw: you are a sad pathetic person. truly. Most of my "guy friends" I've had since before I ever met my b/f. Some from K-garten even. I have never had any kind of sexual tension, crushes that amounted to nothing, and that was it. I have my guy friends from work and school, and that is mainly where I hang out with them. My boyfriend has the freedom to hang out with other women, and I've encouraged it. He needs to have other friends besides me. I trust him, and he trusts me. That is how it should be. And for some reason I don't doubt that all of the problems you've had befriending women has been your fault.

Originally Posted by morethanpretty

bmw: you are a sad pathetic person. truly. Most of my "guy friends" I've had since before I ever met my b/f. Some from K-garten even. I have never had any kind of sexual tension, crushes that amounted to nothing, and that was it. I have my guy friends from work and school, and that is mainly where I hang out with them. My boyfriend has the freedom to hang out with other women, and I've encouraged it. He needs to have other friends besides me. I trust him, and he trusts me. That is how it should be. And for some reason I don't doubt that all of the problems you've had befriending women has been your fault.

Isn't that just the sweetest thing, you and your B/F are so together and large minded, you both should start your own "understanding the sexes" course at your community college. Hey, if you say so.

One thing though, you don't know men as well as I do, or maybe you just think you do. Why is it that we are surounded by popular culture that supports my points of view and all you high minded, self-proclaim socially advanced people, and champions of the "world in therory" keep yaking that yak?

Originally Posted by bmwmcaw

Isn't that just the sweetest thing, you and your B/F are so together and large minded, you both should start your own "understanding the sexes" course at your community college. Hey, if you say so.

One thing though, you don't know men as well as I do, or maybe you just think you do. Why is it that we are surounded by popular culture that supports my points of view and all you high minded, self-proclaim socially advanced people, and champions of the "world in therory" keep yaking that yak?

Unless one of you looks likes this
http://www.kickingdonkeyproducts.com/images/Tex.jpg
There will always be sexual tension, thats just our biology.

[morethanpretty]

Originally Posted by bmwmcaw

Unless one of you looks likes this
http://www.kickingdonkeyproducts.com/images/Tex.jpg
There will always be sexual tension, thats just our biology.

You are so wrong its sad and funny at the same time. Should I laugh or cry?