Jealousy, trust, and diaries

[Pie]

A more charitable reading:
"Your hormones drive you to find the hottest woman you can find. But don't
be so shallow, a woman's better qualities may not be obvious on the surface. Take the time to look at the non-obvious choices."

It's also true that hot ones (of either gender) that are not in a committed relationship are more likely to have ...issues. Basic statistical kinetics.

[Predicament]

Hime... actually you had a good string of posts. It reminded me of a past conversation I've had with my SO going back to the theme of confidence and insecurities. Basically it's the fact that she's always trying to so hard to be something "better". She had this drive to prove to me that she was better in every way than any girl I'd ever dated in the past. It'd drive her crazy. Is she better looking? Better cook? Sexier? Better in bed? Conversationalist? And on and on. She'd obsess that every little thing she did I was comparing to some girl in my past and measuring her to that standard.

I can understand why it'd get frustrating. My message: this isn't some race. You're not on some metaphorical race-track trying to outrun every woman in my past to prove you're #1. You've already won. Stop running. Just be you, and be happy. That's a lot more enjoyable for both of us.

Easy to say. Harder to live by. But she's trying.

[Predicament]

And this reply is more aimed at rkz...

She hit me with an interesting snippet this weekend. Basically, one thing I believe is that in the wrong situation anyone can cheat. Everything in life is a chain of events which you can control at any point. Imagine...
- A non-cheating husband hires a super-hot secretary
- His marriage hits a rough spot and he decides to ignore the problem
- He starts innocently confiding in his secretary, nothing too serious
- Secretary start showing him attention and he doesn't stop the behavior
- Months later at an out-of-town conference they get a drink at the bar
- They both drink too much, decide to take a trip to the hot-tub...

And bam, next thing you know somebody who thought he'd never cheat is suddenly shagging his secretary. The key is to recognize what path you are on, and to choose if you want to accept the consequences. Don't put yourself in a situation where you're trying to say "no" as you're walking to the hot-tub with a young hottie while you're in a drunken stupor. Stop it earlier.

Well, my SO hit me with an interesting perspective. She takes it a step further. Basically, if you stop every situation where it could even lead to an eventual attraction, then you don't have to worry about fidelity since there's never an opportunity to break it.

Interesting perspective. I don't particularly agree with it because then you get into a sticky situation where one partner eventually feels chained in by the exhaustive rules of the other person, until they finally resent them.

The basic reply is that relationships are built on TRUST. Everyone has heard that saying before. I don't recall anyone ever saying relationships are built on RULES.

While you *can* build an elaborate system of rules for behavior intended to keep the other person in line, I'd argue that RULES should be personal rules enforced by each individual, and that each person should TRUST the other to operate within their own rules.

One example is that the husband may not be comfortable taking a female co-worker out for a round of golf, but the wife may have no compunctions taking out a male co-worker for an occasional round of tennis.

The husband may be uncomfortable by his wife's decision, but it's his responsibility to trust HER rules, and not to try to enforce his own rules. Again, this goes back to accepting the consequences of your decisions. If you continually enforce rules on your partner, how many rules can they bear until you're viewed as oppressive?