The only way to win an argument

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. . . but not all discussions devolve into arguments.

Some suggestions on how to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument:

1. Welcome the disagreement. Treat it as an opportunity to learn something new.

2. Distrust your first instinctive impression. Stop and think--don't be knee-jerk defensive.

3. Control your temper. Frankly, I think I scared myself as a child with my temper, which is why I usually get sad, not mad.

4.Listen first. Give your opponents a chance to talk without interrupting. Everyone wants to be listened to.

5. Look for areas of agreement. Make sure and acknowledge the points you do agree on.

6. Be honest. If you're wrong, admit it. It will disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness.

7. Promise to think over your opponent's ideas and study them carefully. Step back at the beginning and ask yourself--is my opponent right? Doing this at the beginning avoids set-in-concrete positions later on.

8. Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest. "Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your opponents into friends."

9. Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem. Ask yourself about the consequences if you win.

Again, all this is straight from "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. A bestseller for 70 years, it's worth the time to pick up a copy at your library and read it.