The only way to win an argument

[Hime]

Hmm.

I used to have very low self-esteem, which caused me to do everything I could to make people like me. I avoided arguments like the plague, complimented everyone constantly, and treated everyone who was willing to spend time with me like a close friend. Online, I stuck to "fluff" discussions, flirted, posted pictures and acted like a "good girl" because that was what was expected of me. It made me happy that I was "popular" -- when I wanted to go out, I had all kinds of people to go out with, and when I wanted to stay in and go online, lots of people sent me messages.

A couple of years ago I had some experiences that forced me to re-evaluate this strategy. I realized that the people I'd thought of as "friends" didn't really respect or value me, and were not there when I most needed them. Why not? Not because they didn't like me -- because they didn't KNOW me. I'd never really shared my feelings or opinions because I didn't want to risk losing the happy cloud of people around me.

So I made a conscious decision to stand up for myself, express my views and not be afraid to disagree with others. It is not always easy for me because my instinct is to be timid, but I am much happier when I am willing to argue. It doesn't mean that I won't *listen* to other views, but I have been told by others in many cases that my opinions have made them consider a new point of view, rethink their personal prejudices, and change the way they view the world. That motivates me to do my best to express myself and challenge views and paradigms that I disagree with. I don't do so because I want to hurt people or make them admit that they are "wrong," but because I believe that, like everyone else, I have my own unique point of view that is well worth putting out there.

On the other hand, if you're talking about factual arguments like "who won the battle of tripoli?" or "who was the first actor to play Darren on Bewitched?," then yeah, that will make you look like an asshole if it's with anyone other than the kind of friends/family members who have that kind of conversation for fun.