I want to die

[Aliantha]

You are their family, and even if they do judge you, so what? Will they still help you? I'd bet the answer is yes.

When you're stronger you can try and explain how this all happened, but for now, stop worrying about what they'll say or think.

Here's how it happened for me.

When my mum was sick, I was a single parent and money was pretty tight. I ran my credit card way up getting things for her to make her end better. I spent money I didn't have.

After she died, there were so many bills, and I couldn't stretch things any further. I argued with my brother about who should pay and all the rest of it. He was doing pretty well for himself. Nice house, good job. Wife. all that shit. Very conservative.

Finally I had to come clean. Yeah he helped me. Judged me. Pissed me off for about 3 years. But it gave me space to get back on my feet again and that's what mattered.

In the end we had it out. I told him (short version) that if he didn't want to help me without conditions he shouldn't have helped me at all. Ultimately it's worked out for the best. He learned something and I learned a lot.

Just bite the bullet and ask for help. In the long run, it'll be the best thing in the end. Seriously.