The Poly Path So Far

[Elspode]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

I wish I had a solution, short of buying a couple of teens from the Far East, but it sounds like a no win situation to me.

You are a truly insightful and contemplative person, my friend. And yeah, it does, in fact, require a major realignment of my head and guts to be on this path. Its damn difficult, but the rewards are pretty nice. Few and far between, but nice when they occur. But in saying that, I'm only talking about the extramarital goodies. There are benefits within the marriage that tend to outweigh the gut churning stuff for me. First and foremost, we are largely much more attentive to each other now than we have been in years. Second, and as I note above to Jinx, we have more sex with each other than we have in years. Sexual behavior tends to spawn more sexual behavior, to put it bluntly...even within our marriage.

I'm sure that what I wrote to start this thread comes off as whining, but keep in mind what I always say about much of what I write here: I use this forum to clear my head out, to "verbalize", as it were, things for myself as much as Cellarites. Honestly, how many people here give a damn about my bizarre lifestyle? Few, I'm sure...but the people here who I consider my friends, even confidantes, make it more than a worthwhile exercise for me to pour it all forth.

Right now I have a beautiful wife, a beautiful girlfriend who is currently running a bit chilly, but who still came to see me play tonight and gave me lovely soft kisses, and a couple of other intriguing prospects on the launch pad. If I can just stop worrying about the numbers game, I ought to be in the tall cotton.

Everything is a process. So is polyamory. And speaking of processes...Iggy, come spend a weekend in KC!

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

For you to just accept that her dance card will always be full while you're mowing the lawn or changing the oil in the car, takes an attitude that is so unnatural I can't comprehend it. I don't think you can either.
I suppose there will be some that accuse me of being insecure and selfish because I can't contemplate such an arrangement.

Not at all, remember Elspode's opening paragraph:

Originally Posted by Elspode

Have you ever loved someone so much that you cringe when they are interested in someone else, and cringe when they aren’t? Have you ever put someone else’s happiness so far above your own that, when they tell you they love someone else, you don’t actually want to puke your guts out?

This certainly raised a red flag for me in that his description could be interpreted as being not just of love; but, of additional dependence (e.g. insecurity, mother figure, female domination ... etc.). This could easily give rise to viewing his attitude as so [/i]unnatural[/i] that one might have difficulty comprehending it.

Later; however, Elspode makes this pertinent statement:

Originally Posted by Elspode

There are benefits within the marriage that tend to outweigh the gut churning stuff for me. First and foremost, we are largely much more attentive to each other now than we have been in years.

This leads me to believe that this is not so much an unnatural situation as a non-conventional approach to keeping the primary relationship worthwhile.

Even though Elspode has said:

Originally Posted by Elspode

At present, all signs point to everything being secondary to the pursuit of polyamory.

The indicators are that the pursuit of polyamory is actually a means to improving his relationship with Selene where they both benefit despite the disparity in their other relationships. There are many people who would do anything for love.

It's just my opinion.

[Elspode]

Originally Posted by NoBoxes

This leads me to believe that this is not so much an unnatural situation as a non-conventional approach to keeping the primary relationship worthwhile.

The indicators are that the pursuit of polyamory is actually a means to improving his relationship with Selene where they both benefit despite the disparity in their other relationships. There are many people who would do anything for love.

Another thing that I fail to mention in all of this is that neither Selene nor myself actually excel at monogamy. We were *both* uncomfortable with it in the years that we were monogamous. This doesn't mean that we don't love each other or that we aren't committed. Its just that we both believe ourselves to be capable of expressing affection, even love, to others without diminishing what we feel for each other and what we have together...which is enormously considerable. But, in the end...we're sluts, and we know it.

Keep in mind that, in my opening diatribe, I am talking about the inner turmoil first and foremost. Think of it with the shoe on the other foot for a moment - how many people who are completely committed to monogamy anguish over the mere desire to be with someone else? Despite being completely in love with their spouse and having no desire to terminate or substantially alter that relationship, they still yearn to be intimate with someone else. Well, I in the same way, I'm committed to polyamory...but it still causes me internal turmoil, and it will until we've been at it long enough for me to truly and well understand that it is not a path to the end of my primary relationship.

Only time can lend me that insight.

[Iggy]

Originally Posted by Elspode

Everything is a process. So is polyamory. And speaking of processes...Iggy, come spend a weekend in KC!

I have vacation from work in the third week of september, and I had planned to go to the KC renn faire. Maybe I will stop by and pay you a visit!

Good luck in everything though... it is hard sometimes.

[Elspode]

Originally Posted by Iggy

I have vacation from work in the third week of september, and I had planned to go to the KC renn faire. Maybe I will stop by and pay you a visit!

Good luck in everything though... it is hard sometimes.

Make it an overnight trip...we've got a spare futon for ya. About half the people I know are going to be in that RenFaire in some capacity, including one of my current paramours.