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Old 04-25-2008, 01:12 PM   #31
BigV
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Penis theft panic hits city
Quote:
By Joe Bavier

KINSHASA (Reuters) - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

...

"I'm tempted to say it's one huge joke," Oleko said.

"But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it's become tiny or that they've become impotent. To that I tell them, 'How do you know if you haven't gone home and tried it'," he said.

...

"It's real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny," said 29-year-old Alain Kalala, who sells phone credits near a Kinshasa police station.
That explains a lot.
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Old 04-25-2008, 10:49 PM   #32
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Hey, don't discredit that story, I'm planning on using it for an excuse.
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Old 04-26-2008, 09:30 AM   #33
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Well...What do they do with the penises after they rob them? Stockpile them? Sell them on the black market? Or is it just to be mean? Can you trade penises?

Is it penises or peni?

I've had it with Congo sorcery!!
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Old 04-27-2008, 04:33 PM   #34
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Is that your Mummy? No, it's my sister.
Still, that's what you get when you call a kid Wednesday (bolding mine)

Quote:
DETROIT - Detroit police say they've found the partially mummified body of a woman in her 80s on the kitchen floor of a house where her mentally troubled sister was living.

Police say they believe the surviving sister had been living with the body for one to three years. They say the body was partially covered with newspapers and that a cat and dog apparently ate part of it.

The Detroit Free Press says authorities removed the surviving sister Wednesday night and took her to a crisis center. She's also in her 80s and appears to have mental problems.

Police say they went to the house after a neighbor called to express concern.
From here
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Old 04-30-2008, 01:26 AM   #35
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Penes, if you want to be Latinate. "The dangler," I understand it to mean.
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Old 04-30-2008, 02:35 AM   #36
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To quote Phil Ken Sebben - "Ha Haaaa! Dangly parts.."
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Old 04-30-2008, 11:49 AM   #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce View Post
I used to work with an Indian engineer that told me getting a gun was no problem. But the government strictly controlled ammo, and you had to account for what you shot at, to get more.
That reminds me of the Chris Rock bit about bullet control.

"All bullets should cost 5000 dollars.

Cause if a bullet costs 5000 dollars
there'd be no more innocent bystanders.
That'd be it.
Every time someone gets shot, people will
be like, 'Damn, he must have did something.
Shit, they put $20000 worth of bullets
in his ass.'
People would think before
they killed somebody, if a bullet cost 5000 dollars.
'Man, l would blow your fucking head off,
if l could afford it.
l'm gonna get me another job,
l'm gonna start saving some money...and you're a dead man.
You better hope I can't get no bullets on layaway'"
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Old 04-30-2008, 08:16 PM   #38
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lol! That's exactly what I thought of...One of my favorite stand-ups!!

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Last edited by Cicero; 04-30-2008 at 08:22 PM.
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Old 05-19-2008, 10:03 AM   #39
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Got Milk?

May 19, 9:00 AM (ET)

MORRIS, Ill. (AP) - Police say a trailer loaded with 14 tons of double-stuffed Oreos has overturned, spilling the cookies still in their plastic sleeves into the median and roadway.

Illinois State Police Sgt. Brian Mahoney says the truck's driver was traveling from Chicago to Morris on Interstate 80 around 4 a.m. Monday when he fell asleep at the wheel and slammed into the median.

"The boxes came out of the trailer and boxes were ripped open," he said.

The crash about 50 miles southwest of Chicago remains under investigation.

Mahoney says no charges have been filed but both lanes of traffic remain closed while authorities remove the cookies.
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Old 05-24-2008, 01:46 PM   #40
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lol! mmmm......what a terrible sounding accident. mmmm...too bad about the unfortunate oreo accident....


Here's an eerie one.

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/uk...6908-20419070/

~snip~Woman sat dead in front of TV for 42 years
May 16 2008 By Donna Watson

THE remains of a woman have been found sitting in front of her TV - 42 years after she was reported missing.

Hedviga Golik, who was born in 1924, had apparently made herself a cup of tea before sitting in her favourite armchair in front of her black and white television.

Croatian police said she was last seen by neighbours in 1966, when she would have been 42 years old.

Her neighbours thought she had moved out of her flat in the capital, Zagreb.

But she was found by police and bailiffs who had broken in to help the authorities establish who owned the flat.

A police spokesman said: "So far, we have no idea how it is possible that someone officially reported missing so long ago was not found before in the same apartment she used to live in.

"When officers went there, they said it was like stepping into a place frozen in time.

"The cup she had been drinking tea from was still on a table next to the chair she had been sitting in and the house was full of things no one had seen for decades. Nothing had been disturbed for decades, even though there were more than a few cobwebs in there."

Neighbours were shocked by the discovery.

Jadranka Markic was nine when Hedviga "vanished".

She said: "I still remember her. She was a quiet woman who kept herself to herself but was polite. We all thought that she had just moved out and gone to live with relatives." ~snip~
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Old 05-25-2008, 12:07 AM   #41
xoxoxoBruce
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Seems strange nobody wondered, if she had moved out why hadn't somebody else moved in? Is a Croatian "flat" owned like a condominium, rather than a rented apartment?
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Old 05-25-2008, 02:54 PM   #42
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This is from The Sun. Bear in mind I can't find the story anywhere else so it is likely untrue or grossly misleading.

Quote:
Vanya Yudin, aged six, may have Mowgli Syndrome, according to local social workers.
In the family flat in Volgograd in southern Russia are two parakeets along with several aquariums and a rabbit.
Social worker Galina Volskaya claims he has used the birds as role models.
"When you start talking to him, he chirps," she said.
When he gets agitated, he flaps his arms like wings, it is claimed.

But the child's 31-year-old mother Svetlana Yudina insisted: "He does have speech problems but there is nothing else wrong with him."

A single mum, she claims his problems may derive from the boy's father walking out on her and the sudden loss of both her parents.
But she insists she is the victim of a vendetta by the social services.
She says she is "shocked" by claims that her child is a 'bird boy', saying he is lively and communicative.

She sought help with Vanya from the local authority after her husband walked out on her and both her parents died.
"It all started when I turned for help to our social services department asking for rent discounts," she said.
"They refused, saying all they could do is send Vanya for fostering.
"They came to look at our living conditions.
"They found fault with me having no curtains on the windows. But we live alone, who would fix the curtain rails?
"After that they said Vanya was that slim because I didn't feed him. But this is such nonsense."

She hit back: "If they want to take children away from anyone, they should remove them from alcoholics.
"All we need is help, getting him into the right school with help for his speech."

Officials say she failed to place the child in a kindergarten and this may have contributed to his lack of speech.

She accepted her child needs a speech therapist but she has not been able to find one despite taking a job to earn extra money by delivering newspapers.

"I don't want to register his disability," she said.
"I do not want my child to live for the rest of his life labelled as being disabled.
"We don't need the allowance I would get for this."

She says she has now started taking him to a local help centre, and she hopes her battle with the social services will soon be over.

Mowgli Syndrome is the name given to children developing animal behaviour often after being neglected by their own parents.

Russia has seen a number of cases of feral children who have lived with animals - usually dogs - after being abandoned by their parents.

There were contradictory reports last night as to whether the child had been taken into care.
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Old 05-25-2008, 02:57 PM   #43
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you know, I wonder what is happening in transylvania?
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Old 05-25-2008, 10:40 PM   #44
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Why don't you stake it out?
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Old 05-26-2008, 01:08 AM   #45
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brianna View Post
you know, I wonder what is happening in transylvania?
Transylvania is two ribbons of concrete that transverse Pennsylvania. To find out what is happening, call 1-800-648-4523 for traffic reports and weather conditions. (Do you really think I make this stuff up?)
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